In a word, it can penetrate the hearts of the people;
In a word, it can turn things around.
- Uncle Kai
Author | Mulberry night
Source | Uncle Kai Storytelling (ID: kaishujianggushi)
Recently a short video of a mom is on fire!
She recorded her son's school bag, the test papers, the paper folded at will, and the textbooks were also graffiti and damaged. As she turned it over, she threw her son's books and scrolls on the ground.
When she opened her son's tattered textbook, she actually saw a sentence on the back of the cover:
"The goal is Tsinghua and Peking University"!
The mother's first reaction was not to be relieved, not to encourage, but to laugh:
She also explains why:
Because this child is usually not obedient at all.
And then, the goal is still so ambitious.
Final copy:
"If you can be admitted to Tsinghua Peking University, your old wife and I will run around the town naked!"
The boy in the video may be accustomed to his mother's ridicule and has been sitting while meditating, but many netizens can't sit still:
"My mother always said, you can't do it well anyway, and then I simply don't do it."
"My son's bag was poured out like this, but it didn't conflict with him being the first in the class."
Such ridicule. I will remember it for the rest of my life. ”
For parents, it's just a blurt out a sarcastic remark.
But they don't realize how deep this verbal blow affects children.
What adults deny is not the present, but a lifetime
CCTV's "Psychological Interview" has an episode of "Behind the Decade of Nibbling Old".
One of the girls, who had graduated from college for 10 years, just stayed at home and nibbled at the old age.
Facing reporters, she excitedly pointed to her mother and complained:
"No matter how well I do, she just knows how to pour cold water."
In the girl's memory, her parents are always so poisonous:
"In the future, when you do something, I will kneel down for you."
"If you can do it, the dog can do it."
The mother wants to use the radical method to let her daughter do things well, but she has not thought that the habitual "knife mouth" is almost a kind of mental abuse for the child.
Over time, the girl became less and less confident and slowly developed a mental illness.
She was unable to communicate with people normally and was forced to stay at home.
When she was a child, her mother said that she "couldn't make things", and when she grew up, she really fulfilled it.
Many parents in life, like this mother, like to treat their children with "percussion education".
When a child achieves a certain amount of achievement, he may say, "Don't be proud." ”
When a child fails, he may say, "What did I say, and how is it now?" Something went wrong! ”
A sentence that parents do not take seriously, but plant a seed in the child's heart: no matter what I do, I can't make you satisfied.
The end result is that the child really gives up the effort.
Psychology professor Hong Lan did an experiment in which she found that the human brain is influenced by external language, which turns into ideas and guides behavior.
So she reminds educators:
"You can't call a child a pig.
Calling him a pig, being a pig every day, and finally becoming a pig.
This is called self-actualization. ”
Adults probably don't realize that every sentence of belittling and yelling that blurts out negates not only the child's present, but the child's life.
The mouth of a parent is the future life of the child
There is a very popular short film on the Internet called "A sentence destroys a child's life", and every sentence in it is very heartfelt:
The children in the short film, until they reach middle age and even have white hair, still clearly remember every demeaning sentence of their parents.
Coincidentally,
Children who are said to be "inferior to whoever is" when they are young have lived in the shadow of others all their lives;
When I was a child, I was said to be a child who said, "You are a sinner", and when I grew up, I also said this to my own children
Children who are called "waste" when they are young really achieve nothing when they grow up;
A sentence can destroy a person, a sentence can make a person.
There is a classic little story. A child with poor grades from an early age, because of his mother's words changed his life.
In kindergarten, the teacher said to her mother:
"Your son has ADHD and can't sit on the bench for even three minutes, so you'd better take him to the hospital to have a look."
But the mother told the child:
"The teacher praised you, saying that the baby could not sit on the bench for a minute, but now he can sit for three minutes." Other moms are very envious of your mom because only the baby in the class has improved. ”
In elementary school, the teacher said:
"Your son is the 49th of the 50 students in the class, and we suspect he has some intellectual disabilities."
When she got home, the mother said to her son:
"The teacher has a lot of confidence in you. He said, you are not a stupid child, as long as you can be careful, you will surpass your table. ”
When he went to middle school, the teacher decided that he could not go to the key high school.
The mother went home and told her son:
"The head teacher is very satisfied with you. He said that as long as you work hard, you are very hopeful of being admitted to a key high school. ”
After graduating from high school, after the first batch of college admission letters were issued, the son handed over the Tsinghua University admission letters to his mother.
Suddenly, he turned and ran to his room and cried, crying and saying:
"Mom, I know I'm not a smart kid.
However, only you can appreciate me in this world. ”
Professor Susan Foward says in her book Poisoned Parents:
"Children will always believe what their parents say about themselves and turn it into their own ideas."
Parents are the best "hypnotists" for children.
Whether it is false or true, the child will definitely take it seriously.
Whether a child's life is positive or negative depends on the parents' thoughts.
The mouth of the parent hides the child's future path.
What parents often say is the fate of their children.
Encouragement and recognition, a little brightening the power of a lifetime
A Weibo netizen once told his story:
"When I was a child, my learning ability was poor, I was slow to learn anything, and my comprehension was not very good. Elementary school stuff is very simple, most of the students can get a perfect score, I almost never took a full score. Each time I was left by the teacher to do my homework. ”
But even so, every time she came home from the exam, her mother did not scold her once.
Several times, she asked her mother sadly, "Am I really stupid?" ”
Mom replied to her:
"The bigger the pot, the slower the boiling water.
Their pot was small, so it opened quickly.
But your pot is big, you have to open it slowly.
You may be inferior to others now, but you will do better than others in the future!"
With the encouragement of her mother, the girl was admitted to Renmin University.
She said proudly: "My mother has done a lot of very powerful things, but I think this is the most powerful thing she has ever done." ”
If the child is encouraged regularly, the child will have a great sense of satisfaction in his heart, and this satisfaction will be transformed into motivation.
Encouraging and appreciating the child can awaken the child's sense of self-identity in his heart, and he will move forward in the direction you expect.
There is a famous "Rosenthal effect" in psychology, also known as the "implicit expectation effect".
Rosenthal, a psychologist, goes to a school pretending to "test the intelligence" of students, then gives a list of students to the teacher and tells the teacher that these students are very promising.
When I came to school 8 months later, something happened that surprised Rosenthal.
——The students on the list have improved their grades rapidly, and their personalities have become cheerful and their intellectual curiosity is very strong.
However, these students are randomly selected and have no basis for testing at all.
It was Rosenthal's words that hinted at everyone.
As a result, the teacher will pay more attention to these students, and the children will be more responsible for their future, so that they will be more demanding of themselves.
Later, they really became the most promising students.
Some time ago, in Changchun, there was a junior high school boy who caught fire.
After he was selected as a squad cadre, the next scene that happened made many netizens call out to break the defense.
At first, he was so nervous that he didn't know what to say, his hands kept rubbing the corners of his clothes, and his eyes kept staring at the teacher.
The teacher smiled and guided him: "Look at your classmates and say, don't look at me." ”
He said timidly, "I don't know what to say, just say 'happy'!" ”
The cute expressions caused bursts of laughter from teachers and classmates.
After that, the boy plucked up enough courage to say:
"After elementary school, no class cadres, teachers did not choose me, this time everyone voted me, I am very happy ..."
As he was speaking, the boy couldn't help but cry, so excited that he couldn't cry.
Perhaps before, boys were rarely affirmed.
But now, the teacher saw his progress, elected him as a class leader, and the classmates also voted for him, which gave him great confidence and recognition.
In his long upbringing, this may really be just a small thing, but it is enough to be a light that illuminates life.
Maybe because of this incident, his life has really changed since then.
The deeper need of human nature is the desire to be appreciated and praised.
Whether a child is confident or inferior often depends on what the parents say to him and what kind of education they give him.
If parents are used to repressive education, it seems to be "for your own good".
In fact, it is destroying the child's self-esteem and allowing him to live in the fear of self-doubt and self-denial all his life.
The recognition and encouragement of parents will become the light in children's lives, and accompany them to grow up to be what they like.
As it's said in The Story of McDougall:
"People all over the world don't love you, I only love you;
The people of the whole world do not believe in you, and I only believe in you;
I love you in my heart and liver, and I believe you in my toes. ”
Our recognition and encouragement can become the light in children's lives and accompany them to grow up to be what they like.
A word of argument is heavier than the treasure of the Nine Dings; a three-inch tongue is stronger than a million masters.
Perhaps a word of encouragement that you inadvertently use is a powerful impetus to your child's growth path.
—— End ——
This article is reproduced in Uncle Kai's Storytelling (ID: kaishujianggushi), which unites 40 million families, brings good hope to parents, and allows more children to have a happy childhood.