The most important stage of Erikson's theory,
If the development is not good, it will affect people's lives.
The previous two articles covered the first four stages of Erikson's theory, but today we will take a look at the fifth stage.
Stage 5
conception:
(12-17 years old):
The task of development and the crisis — identity and identity chaos
Self-quality - loyalty quality
This stage is an important stage in the development of the individual from childhood to adolescence.
Children enter puberty, their bodies and minds have undergone great changes, and these changes and past life experiences have prompted them to further explore and think about themselves and their lives.
Kids might think
"What kind of person am I";
"What kind of person I am in the eyes of others";
"What kind of person do I want to be";
"What profession will I do in the future";
"What kind of life I aspire to live";
Wait a minute.
According to Erikson, in the process of teenagers thinking about the above questions, they constantly confirm their social identity, so as to obtain self-identity.
Self-identity is not only an awareness of the consistency, continuity of one's own existence as a "person" in time and space, but also an awareness of one's own qualities.
Children are constantly comparing what others say about themselves with what they say about themselves, eventually forming a stable self with "personal characteristics."
If adolescents successfully form identity, rather than identity confusion, the individual acquires the quality of "loyalty".
The quality of loyalty is defined as the ability to swear to remain faithful to one's goal forever, despite the inevitable contradictions of the value system, that is, to have a stable grasp of one's own goals.
Identity confusion
If the children at this stage, the evaluation of others and their own evaluation of themselves can not be unified, then the child will lose themselves, just like we said before Erikson himself also has an "identity crisis".
Let's look at the following example to help us understand:
In recent days, the "our genius son" circulated on the Internet - Xiaoyu
When Xiaoyu was 6 years old, because he was playing a game with his neighbor, the little friend shot a needle from the toy pistol, just enough to shoot one of Xiaoyu's eyes, resulting in blindness.
At that time, the young but sensible Xiaoyu suppressed the pain to comfort her mother in pain.
By the high school stage, Xiaoyu, who had always been a top student, suddenly became emotionally disturbed, irritable and irritable, and was finally diagnosed with manic-depressive bipolar disorder.
After dropping out of school, Xiaoyu has been battling the disease and has also tried suicide.
But with the patient company of his parents, Xiaoyu finally found his new life goal, and he spent six years to teach himself German, Japanese and English, and read all the foreign language novels in the Zhejiang Library.
Edison said that "genius is 99% effort and 1% inspiration", Xiaoyu's efforts finally ushered in the opportunity to translate, and in ten years he translated 22 books and seven million words, spanning novels, movies, music, philosophy and other fields.
Why did Xiaoyu lose control of his emotions in high school?
Because some details are not understood, make a simple analysis and judgment:
Since Xiaoyu was blind in one eye, he may have an inferiority complex in his heart.
The reason why Xiaoyu will erupt in adolescence is because adolescent children pay more attention to their own image, but also pay attention to the evaluation of their peers and those around them.
Xiao Yu did not integrate what kind of person he was before, and in high school, Xiao Yu's hidden inferiority and the strange eyes of the people around him made him have serious self-doubt and a sense of disapproval.
His identity was confused, so he was sick.
If, at this time, Xiaoyu can accept himself, even if he is not perfect, only one eye, he can calmly accept that he is not good-looking, even a little ugly.
He can say to himself, "Although I am different from normal people, I accept myself, and I love myself very much", then he can further explore what kind of person he wants to be in the future, so as not to let himself be trapped here.
Fortunately, Xiaoyu finally succeeded in exploring, and became a translator genius in the future due to his initial interest, believing that through continuous efforts, Xiaoyu would finally be able to achieve self-identity.
So if the child is adolescence
Be able to understand how the past self became the current self;
To understand that even if the current self is different in the face of peers and teachers, there is a stable "self" within it.
And this self is something that one can understand and accept, and that one loves.
Then the child will form a positive self-identity.
On the contrary, it may affect the establishment of intimate relationships in the next stage, because people who cannot love themselves well and fully accept themselves are difficult to enter the self-disclosure stage in love. It is also possible to explore identity in middle age or even old age.
The so-called "loyalty" quality, that is, loyalty to oneself, no matter what they look like, whether they are introverted or extroverted, beautiful or ordinary, they can accept it. No matter what the future holds, be loyal to your goals and not follow the crowd.
A deep understanding of identity
There are three other states relative to the attainment of identity. As shown in the following figure
Children of the same sex who are prematurely closed are restricted from thinking very early on and live their later life according to their parents' arrangements.
For example, children know early on that as long as they get a college diploma, their parents can arrange a good job for themselves.
It is conceivable that even if such a child becomes a civil servant in the future, it is likely that he will look forward to leaving work early every day, and the work is to pay the day.
Children who spread identity feel that what kind of life they will engage in in the future has nothing to do with themselves, to be a monk for a day, to hit the clock for a day.
For example, if you ask a child, "Why do you want to go to Fudan University?", he will answer "Because this school is a prestigious university". But if you continue to ask him what his plans are for the future, he will not be able to answer.
Because he did not have a clear goal, he also went to Fudan University because people in the society thought that this school was good.
Such children are likely to take many detours, because they do not think and are always going with the flow.
As long as a unit admits him, he will do it, do not admit him, then take a graduate school or read a doctorate, after getting the graduation certificate will still fall into this cycle.
Identity delay means that children are constantly exploring what they want to do and what they are suitable for? For example, they are considering which major to study, whether to continue to study for graduate school or direct employment, and which of the two choices is suitable for them.
As long as the children are exploring with their hearts, sooner or later they will find their goals.
Identity achievement means that children are very clear about what work they want to do in the future and what kind of life they want to live in the future, just like Ying Zi in Xiao Huanxi, who has known that his interest is astronomy since high school, and he is also working hard for this goal.
Even if such children work in the future, they will not feel tired, others think that persistence will be very hard, and in their view, every moment of life is enjoyment.
Obviously, the latter two are still in a better state.
How parents guide
A few brief points:
First, accept the child's imperfections and love the child unconditionally.
Second, when the child doubts himself and is not confident, give the child encouragement and tolerance in time.
Third, when the child is excluded from the outside world, stand with the child.
Fourth, when children explore the future world, they should let go in time.
Fifth, the profession of today's society is not like before, and parents must also look at new things with the times, so as not to pass on their worries about the future to their children.
Next time we will talk about the last three stages.