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Children's rebellion is a good start, and parents who understand are amazing

The so-called rebellion is nothing more than the wishful thinking of adults, and for children it is just a sign of growth.

In fact, rebellion is not a big deal, everyone will have a tendency to rebel. For a person's growth, it is only temporary, and only after this temporary pain will it slowly mature and truly understand the intentions of parents.

Children's rebellion is a good start, and parents who understand are amazing

I once read an article titled "Teenagers" about a child who had just turned seventeen and was still childish, but his strong body seemed to be an adult.

His mother was only at the height of his shoulders, and his father began to look up at him. Rebellion has become his way of communicating with his parents. Finally, one day, the father and the teenager talked heartily and asked him why he was no longer well-behaved.

I've grown up, I'm no longer a pawn at your disposal, I need to have my own life. I need to find myself...

How are you going to look for it?

A pack, a compass. I need to leave your shadow and find my coordinates...

Then there you go, kid. Me and your mom are here waiting for your good news.

His father gave the boy 500 yuan. The teenager left home and began his journey in search of youth and self.

The teenager went to a city far from home. There were no more nagging from teachers and parents. Of course, there is no longer the warmth of the parents who do not leave for a moment.

In that strange city, 500 yuan was like a glass of water poured into the desert, and it quickly penetrated. Looking at the increasingly dry wallet, the teenager thought of giving up, but when he thought of the ridicule he might receive when he returned home, he had to swallow the tears into his stomach.

The city was gorgeous, but the teenager had a hard time finding her entrance. His upbringing had nothing to do with the hustle and bustle of the city, and in order to survive, this teenager, who rarely washed his own clothes at home, began to work in some small shops.

A tiring day, just to have a hot meal and a shelter from the wind and rain—things he had once had at his fingertips and had not cherished in the slightest.

Spring goes to autumn, and the year is going to pass quickly. Teenagers have brushed dishes in restaurants, worked as security guards in large companies, worked as porters in hotels, and set up stalls in night markets... The teenager's hands are finally gradually covered with calluses in the exhausted life. The young man's heart also follows the sunrise and sunset, understanding the difficulties of the previous parents' life and their love for themselves.

Finally, as the New Year approached, the teenager dialed the number he had memorized. On the other end of the phone, it was the excited voice of the father and the sobs of the mother's joy... Father said, if you find what you want, come back.

At the moment of hanging up the phone, the teenager burst into tears. Soon he boarded the train home. In the bag, there are two more pieces of underwear bought for parents, packaged in simple and beautiful packaging. This is a sensible son who uses his own hands to exchange for his parents a New Year's gift...

The story ends here. But the teenager's growth continues, and it's just one stage in his upbringing. It's short, but it's the most critical. From rebellion to understanding, the heart really grows.

Children's rebellion is a good start, and parents who understand are amazing

Why rebel? Because children are eager to be recognized by the adult world, eager to show the world through rebellious behavior that they have grown up, are no longer children in the eyes of their parents, and are no longer "pawns" that can be manipulated at will.

As children get older, their bodies and minds change dramatically. Rebellion is like a seed waiting to germinate, stirring deep in a child's body. At this time, parents must combine their own growth experience to support, affirm, and believe in their children, and face their children with an attitude of "human nature is good".

Most people recognize that a child's rebellion is a necessary process in life, just as a caterpillar cannot become a beautiful butterfly without breaking out of its cocoon. However, parents are mostly not as tolerant of their children's rebellion as they are with caterpillars: they can sympathize with his struggles and look forward to his growth.

On the contrary, parents feel extremely distressed, deeply afraid of this kind of rebellion, not only to break the usual authority of adults, but also to break the existing order of the adult world, so there is the problem of "what to do in the face of rebellious children".

In fact, all rebellion comes from resistance to bondage and limitation. In addition to the physical and psychological constraints that the child himself has, there are various restrictions deliberately built by the adults around him.

In the past, he could not realize this kind of bondage and limitation, and even if he did, he was powerless to resist. As they get older, they are gradually able to see the world clearly, and a new self is eager to try in confusion.

However, the adult limits are so tight and indestructible, and the strength of growth is not enough to break free from their own physical, psychological and intellectual shackles, at this time the child is suffering from transformation, experiencing unprecedented confusion, so there will be all kinds of rebellious actions, the purpose is just to show the existence of the self.

As we accuse our children of rebellion, we also expose the root of this rebellion—the repression that evolved from over-pampering. It is this gentle bondage of seemingly good intentions that makes growing children confused.

Therefore, while accusing the child of disobedience, we should also reflect on ourselves: whether it is bound the child's body and mind, whether it is not giving the child enough space and understanding.

You know, rebellion is not an unforgivable mistake, nor is it an insoluble problem. What we have to do is to help the children, not to keep them away from their parents and away from their families.

Therefore, what parents have to do during this special period is to observe their children and understand their real thoughts. Then stand in the child's shoes to help them.

Many parents will feel endlessly troubled when they have adolescent children, because when their children are older, various problems will follow.

At this time, they have their own ideas, no longer listen to their parents, and sometimes even confront their parents and do all kinds of things that their parents cannot accept. Many parents often feel angry and hateful at their children.

Before this stage comes, as a parent, if you want to force your child to obey through the "authority" of the high, then there is a good chance that the child's rebellious psychology will be strengthened, because the times are changing, the child is growing, and their rebellion is always rooted. "Caring and understanding" is the beginning of finding the root of the problem and answering "what to do".

Therefore, in the face of growing children, we need to completely put down the shelf of "parents" and regain our childlike hearts in order to face the so-called rebellion. Because "power" cannot solve the problem, it is even more impossible to soothe the child's rebellion.

Children's rebellion is a good start, and parents who understand are amazing

I have a parent of a student who is exemplary in this regard. She has a 19-year-old daughter, and the most spoken phrase between mother and daughter is "We are friends."

"I have always felt that my daughter and I are on an equal footing, trust each other, and communicate frequently." She said, "From childhood to adulthood, her daughter will tell herself any happy and unhappy things, including learning, interacting with classmates and other aspects, and even if there are boys pursuing her, she will tell me." ”

She told me that the communication with her daughter is equal, sometimes there is a dispute due to differences of opinion, if you think in hindsight that you are not right, and you have wrongly criticized your daughter, you will take the initiative to admit your mistake to your daughter.

When a child makes her own request, she never rejects it without thinking. Even if it is a very absurd request, it will be carefully considered, and it will be "taken as a thing" to respond and discuss, and find sufficient reasons for him to understand the views of adults.

Not only that, but the parent also asks her child for advice on many things, and even if the child's opinion is terrible, he will listen carefully and discuss it with her.

Even if it is a very necessary requirement, "I hope..." or "I suggest..." will be used at least "formally" to leave him with room for autonomy, so that he can learn, think, and reflect. Instead of bluntly imposing your own ideas on your children.

The mother is actually practicing an avant-garde educational philosophy of treating children like adults and making them feel respected, unless in some cases they volunteer to be children.

Such parents express their eternal support and affirmation for their children, especially after the child has made a serious mistake, they will give the opportunity to correct it, and always hold affirmation and support for their corrective attitude.

In our teaching of our children, we must truly treat our children as one person with the attitude of another, and only then can we truly understand our children.

Growing up, he may not meet the maturity conditions in our minds, but it cannot be said that it is caused by the child's disobedience.

There is a story of two children who are about to reach adulthood and ask their parents to move outside.

The father of a child said: What? There is no room for you at home, so stay for me.

The father of another child said, "Good! Do you need any help from me?"

Who knows, the result is just the opposite, the father who opposes the child moving out not only failed to prevent the child from leaving the family, but also had a deep conflict with the child. The father who supported the child to move out instead kept the child.

The reason is that the first child heard his father stop him so arbitrarily and felt that it was not interesting at home, so it was better to move out earlier.

The other child is completely different, when he proposed to move out, the father not only did not stop, but asked him what he needed, which made him feel the warmth of affection, felt that it was actually very good at home, so he decided not to move out.

It can be seen that the child has independent ideas and desires to get rid of his dependence on his parents, which is actually a gratifying thing, if he relies on his parents for everything, it is a worrying thing!

But to understand this, it is necessary to be willing to let go of the role of parents - "traditional authority". Only by temporarily detaching from the role of parents can we face the struggle of another "person" with the attitude of one "person".

There are also many parents who worry that such education will not be indulgence, let it do whatever it wants. In fact, there is no need to worry about our children being unchecked, and as the previous example shows, true restraint does not necessarily require power or majesty.

Sometimes, a caring greeting, a warm word, will make the child more constrained.

Because children are struggling to grow up, they need others to identify with their roles the most, which is the formation of self-concepts and the enlightenment stage of thoughts, so they are most susceptible to influence.

Unfortunately, many parents always expect an immediate effect, so they often use absolute repression, the result of which is not only to provoke rebellion, but more importantly, we give our influence to him, causing other undesirable effects.

So our children drift apart in our incomprehension.

Therefore, in the face of the child's rebellion, the most important thing is to recognize the truth of the facts; it is not who rebels against whom, at most a stubborn child quietly "leaves" us. Of course we feel pain, but anger is unnecessary.

If he is going in the right direction, we should be optimistic in the mood of the messenger of life; if he strays into the abyss of depravity, we should immediately rush over and climb up with him.

Source of this article: Tencent Culture

Image source: DE Future Bootcamp

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