In some places, there is such a custom: after the daughter-in-law returns home after giving birth, the husband is not allowed to sleep in the room, but the mother-in-law moves to the daughter-in-law's room to take care of the daughter-in-law and the baby.
This custom seems to be considerate and caring for the daughter-in-law, afraid that the daughter-in-law will be tired with the baby, but in fact, it makes the daughter-in-law cry bitterly.
One: the relationship between many daughters-in-law and mother-in-law is actually not so good, usually polite to get along is OK, day and night in the same room can not stand it.
Second: Letting the husband out from the beginning is equivalent to implying that the husband, taking care of the children is a woman's business, increasing the burden of the daughter-in-law's childcare.
So that in the end, many mothers would rather be tired and poor than let the elderly help them with their babies
Do not want the mother-in-law to help the mother with the baby,
Most of them have these points of helplessness...
In the eyes of the mother-in-law, it is her unshirkable duty to bring a baby to her son and daughter-in-law. There is even a saying that "do not bring a baby to the son, the old son does not care". What is the attitude of the daughters-in-law to this enthusiasm and "sense of responsibility" of the mother-in-law?
Many daughters-in-law feel that the mother-in-law to help with the baby is a "hot potato", which can indeed help, but there are also many troubles.
(Image source: Elken Original)
A relative of Xiao kangjun recently gave birth to a baby, from the day she knew that she was pregnant, she did not plan to let her mother-in-law help her with the baby, took out the money saved at work in the past few years, and spent a lot of money to invite a sister-in-law.
And the mother-in-law, although she is distressed that the daughter-in-law spends money, she also holds a stomach full of anger that "even dislikes me", but because there is a son to "support" the daughter-in-law, it is not easy to say anything.
So, why would the daughter-in-law prefer to be tired herself, or spend money, rather than let her mother-in-law help her with her baby? Xiao Kangjun summed it up, and the reasons are probably as follows:
01
There is a sense of distance from the mother-in-law
The mother-in-law is the mother of the husband, if it were not for the husband, it can be said that it had nothing to do with herself.
Although some mothers-in-law say that "you are the same as your daughter-in-law", most of these are scene words, and few people can really do it. Just like the daughter-in-law to the mother-in-law, although it is not bad, but because there is no blood relationship and more than twenty years of parenting, there is finally some distance between them.
This is not to say that the mother-in-law is not good, but the mother-in-law is not essentially a person who can speak intimately.
When confinement, the daughter-in-law is physically and mentally weak, and what they need most is meticulous care and intimate spiritual dependence, both of which are difficult for the mother-in-law.
Because of the sense of distance, the daughter-in-law may not be able to tell the mother-in-law their true feelings and needs, and the mother-in-law cannot appreciate the subtle emotions of the daughter-in-law, let alone exchange child-rearing experience with excitement.
Therefore, during the month, it is best to take care of the mother and baby, it is best to be the husband, not the mother-in-law.
02
Different parenting concepts
When the children are older, many mothers-in-law are willing to let their daughters-in-law go out to work and bring their babies at home, but the daughter-in-law is unwilling. The main reason is the difference in parenting concepts.
Because society is constantly evolving, the parenting concept of the mother-in-law's era may not be suitable for today.
For example, in terms of feeding, some mothers-in-law give babies under one year old salted food, or feel that babies cannot eat meat.
Some mothers-in-law feel that there is no need to disinfect the bottle, eat it without being clean, or feel that it is a waste to give the baby diapers. The root causes are the differences in parenting concepts.
This is still a small matter, the most feared is that in the baby's illness or physiological development, some elderly people can not take their children to medical treatment in time, but use "home remedies" to solve the problem, such news is also a lot.
(Image source: Guangming Network)
Combined with all this, the mother does not dare to bring the child to the mother-in-law.
03
Disapproval of the mother-in-law herself
Some daughters-in-law are reluctant to let their mother-in-law take the child because they usually have contradictions with the mother-in-law, and in order to avoid further intensification of the contradictions, they do not want the mother-in-law to bring the baby.
In addition, the mother-in-law herself is grumpy, impatient or has other personality characteristics that bao mom does not agree with, or usually does not pay attention to inattentive in life, etc., bao mom will also resist letting the mother-in-law take the baby.
So, is there any good way to make the mother-in-law willing to help, and let the mother get practical help?
These methods,
Closer to the mother-in-law...
If the mother wants the mother-in-law to take care of the baby and is slightly worried, she can solve the problems that may occur through the following methods.
Strengthen communication with your mother-in-law and think differently
Parents actually want to let the baby get the best care, so when the mother-in-law sees that the mother-in-law has made a mistake in taking care of the baby, don't get angry first, communicate with the mother-in-law with a pleasant face, and fully take care of the other party's mood as an elder when communicating, so that the mother-in-law is also easy to accept.
If the mother-in-law is stubborn, the mother-in-law can use the short videos and news on the mobile phone to let the mother-in-law watch (the elderly are more likely to accept this information), lay out the facts, be reasonable, and convince the mother-in-law to convince herself.
Let the elders have a basis when carrying the baby
When handing over the baby to the elders, according to the specific situation of the family, the mother-in-law can easily forget or may be wrong to write a list on the wall.
For example, how to brew milk powder, how many degrees of water to use, how much milk powder to put each time, what time to flush the baby, etc. With "guidance", the mother-in-law will not be busy when taking the baby.
Understand the suffering of the elders, understand and care more
It is not easy for elders to bring their own babies, so they should usually give them more understanding and love, let them feel their attitude of gratitude, and feel better when taking babies.
For example, when buying snacks for your baby, you can also buy some food that they love to eat for your elders, and take them and your baby out to play together on weekends. This brings the distance closer and the communication is smoother.
Even if there is a contradiction in normal times, you can also take the opportunity of taking the baby to resolve it, just for the sake of the baby. After all, the two sides live in harmony, which is good for the baby.
If bao mama really can't get over the obstacle in her heart, or the elders don't want to take the baby, that person can also take the baby, although the body is tired, but the heart is relaxed and comfortable. This part of the mother, you can also use the following method to relax a little ~
When you bring your own baby,
It can be "lazy" like this...
Some mothers are able to take their babies with ease, and some mothers are tired. It boils down to this, it may be easier to take the baby this way
Take your baby out for a walk
When the weather is good, take the baby out for a walk, play with the little friends, and the mother does not have to coax herself to play, it can be much easier. (However, in special circumstances like the epidemic, take the baby out less ~)
Clever storage
After having a baby, there are a lot more things in the house, and sometimes I have to be busy for half a day to find anything. Bao Mom can prepare a few more practical storage items, put away the baby's diapers, wipes, saliva towels and other items, medicines are also specially placed in a fixed small box, toys, books, etc. are also sorted away.
Prepare a safe "play area" for the baby, so that the baby can climb over at will, and the mother can also be busy.
Use a baby-specific washing machine
The baby has a lot to wash, which consumes a lot of time and energy for the mother. You can prepare a small washing machine for the baby to free the mother from washing and shabu-shabu.
Of course, the washing machine also needs to be cleaned frequently, but this part of the work can be handed over to Daddy
You can also use sweeping robots, dishwashers, etc., to reduce the pressure on your mother to do housework.
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