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How hard is it to have an only child?
Previously, a Beijing uncle scolded 20 nannies on the hot search in half a year, and these people were nannies invited by their only daughter Jessie.
Jessie's parents were hospitalized at the same time, one on the 2nd floor and the other on the 11th floor, because the conditions did not allow, she had to visit the two elderly people within 1 hour.
Because her father always chased away the nanny, she was physically and mentally exhausted, and she frequently ran between the company and the hospital. In order to keep the only job, the only source of income, she did not dare to ask the company for leave again.
She had to work while looking for a babysitter, and she supported the family with her weak shoulders.
Jessie's mom was trying to practice cooking, and she didn't want to cause trouble for her daughter, but she couldn't.
Both parents were paralyzed in bed; Dad repeatedly drove the nanny away, just because it cost 6,000 yuan a month to ask the nanny, and the old man felt that the nanny was unreliable.
However, every time Jessie finds a new nanny, she has to re-account for the family' affairs.
The father wanted his daughter to take care of himself, but both of the old men in the family were sick. If she takes time off, it means that the family has no financial resources and only more and more to spend.
She is in a dilemma, resigning to take care of her parents without income, asking the nanny dad to disagree, who understands her collapse?
She was overwhelmed, she could only cry behind her parents' backs, but she did not dare to show the slightest vulnerability in front of her parents, and no matter how difficult the day was, she could only smile at her parents.
Parents are the only ones she can rely on, and she is not yet married, and there is no one behind her to rely on.
First: The plight of nearly 200 million only children has arrived
From 1980 to 2016, China gave birth to 176 million only children, and by 2022, the number of only children is estimated to be nearly 200 million.
Being an only child means enjoying the love of parents and elders, and all resources are prepared for them. They grew up carefree, without quarrels and calculations, and without brothers and sisters to rob their parents of their love.
However, how happy the childhood of an only child is, how desolate it is to become an adult.
Many people grow up in the favor of their parents, like the flowers of a greenhouse, but their parents are getting older day by day.
The earliest only child, who has also reached the age of 40, is old at the top and young at the bottom. If the younger two are only children, it means that they will have to raise at least 4 elderly people in the future.
Jessie's experience represents the current situation of many only children, the elderly in the family have been sick one after another, they are busy, but they do not even have a brother and sister to negotiate, she can only face it alone.
If both parties are only children, but any elderly person has fallen ill one after another, it is even worse for this family.
Second: the pain of the only child and the helplessness of the left-behind elderly
In the documentary "The Edge of Life", the father Lao Kong went to the hospital for surgery, and the son spent day and night in the hospital with the bed. He could only squint for a little while a day, never daring to let other elderly people in the family replace him, and no matter how hard he was, he would hold on alone.
He and his daughter-in-law are both only children. Dad was very ill and needed to rush to use the money. He had to confess to his daughter-in-law that the disease cost a lot of money, and the daughter-in-law did not hesitate to give him the bank card, "how much to use first, not enough to borrow again." ”
He is a post-80s, more than 30 years old this year, and is an only child.
However, he was luckier than the other only children because his wife was his strong back. Although they have elderly people and children in their family, because their wife is also an only child, they understand his difficulties better.
His wife will support him unconditionally, he has someone to discuss, the two support each other, the children are also brought, he does not need to suffer this hardship silently.
The only child after the 80s shoulders the heavy responsibility of the family, he is forced to do so, but more only children are facing the problem of no one to rely on.
Because their parents are alone, they dare not get sick and dare not take leave.
The sadness of the only child is not to support 4 elderly people, but to dare not have a problem, if life really encounters difficulties, it is better to have money than someone.
The pain of the only child, the old man looks in the eyes, they are willing to become the burden of the child, but the fact is so cruel, they can only rely on this child.
In the documentary "The Edge of Life", there is an old man's son born in 1980, and when he talks about this hospitalization, the old man's heart is full of guilt, "The old man is sick, and it is the biggest trouble for him." ”
For him, not having money in his hand is a trivial matter, and the son would rather spend less and give him five hundred or a thousand. However, if he is sick, the matter is endless, and the hospitalization makes him feel that it has added a burden to his son.
Third: Why is it that the more only children there are, the more they want to have a second child?
In the documentary "Life edge": The son of another patient is also a post-80s, and his worries were also expressed between the conversations, "If he has surgery, maybe his son can take a leave of absence, maybe he may not come." ”
The old man can understand this situation, after all, the son's family has children and also needs to be managed. He felt that children should work first, but he could not hide the loneliness in his eyes.
The old man could see his son's guilt, and he finally added, "The child is guilty and should accompany his father." ”
It is not that only children are not filial piety, but in most cases, they cannot balance their parents and work, and they really can't help themselves.
If the old man had been able to have one more child, perhaps he would not have to let his son face such an encounter in his later years. Even if the old man has two children, the two can discuss with each other and share the responsibility of caring for their parents.
It is not difficult to support the elderly, but the difficulty is that during the hospitalization of the elderly, the only child has to go to work and take care of the elderly. Old people don't want to toss their children, but they have no other choice.
What is it like to be an only child?
One respondent's answer was echoed by 877, and this answer listed 8 points, 4 of which made the experience feel the bitterness and sadness of an only child.
Article 1: A million loves in one, and a million lonely in one.
Article 5: I can't have accidents, I have to fight.
Rule 7: I'd love to have a sibling with me to take on future family accidents.
Rule 8: Even if you go it alone, you must live like a team.
Although the only child has enjoyed enviable pampering since childhood, it is accompanied by great loneliness.
Not only that, because parents only have one child, the only child cherishes his life more, and he is the lifelong hope of his parents, and it is best not to have any accidents.
It is not easy for a person to live in a team, and everything must be managed; once the parents have an accident, they do not even have a negotiable sibling.
The more only children, the more they often desire to have a second child, mainly for two reasons:
1. Loneliness and helplessness at an early age and do not want their children to experience it again
A mother once mentioned that because both husband and wife are only children and have experienced the loneliness of only children when they were young, they do not intend to have only one child after marriage.
Although raising 3 children is hard, they have never regretted it, and the lively family is their dream wish.
2. When parents grow old, siblings can support each other
Parents will get older one day and will not be able to help their children, but if they have two children, the two can help each other to live a life.
Parents love their children, and they have far-reaching plans for them
Parents may not be able to predict the future, but parents' love for their children is deep and long.
They can't bear to let their only children suffer, even if they need to raise another child, they are willing to eat. In order not to let them be alone in the future, after all, parents cannot accompany their children for a lifetime, but brothers and sisters can.
epilogue
The dilemma of nearly 200 million only children has come, in addition to taking care of themselves and the elderly and trying to increase their income, there may be another way out, in the case of economic conditions permitting, children also have the elderly to bring, they may wish to consider having a second child.
Perhaps this generation of only children is facing an unavoidable dilemma, but there is new hope and possibility for their next generation, so that the old can be supported and the young can be dependent, which is the best reason for them to have a second child.