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1
Some time ago, a video about "letting go of the baby's freedom" rushed to Weibo's hot search -
The protagonist of the video said that he and her husband are both masters of 985 colleges and universities, and after graduation, they settled in Beijing through talent introduction. After ending this very proud introduction, the protagonist's words turned sharply, "I didn't expect that I was not careful and became a scum TA mother." ”
According to her description, the Dongcheng District where the child is located has a 70% rate of one book, but as the child of Kochi talents, it is good to be able to graduate in a mixed way, and it is delusional to want to take three exams.
In addition, the mother admitted in the video that the child is not only a scum, but also a lever, so the husband is angry twice heart attack, and the family often has quick-acting heart-saving pills.
Do you think that spitting on children is the protagonist's purpose?
Of course not, the second layer of reversal came. The mother said in the video that I don't have any expectations for my child, as long as he is healthy and happy, there is no way you can only accept it.
Below this video, almost no netizens empathized with her love for her children, but collectively said:
"Is there a possibility that you have broken the child's mentality?"
"How much psychological shadow will the public video of the child cause to the TA?"
However, the most understated but most heartfelt is this summary:
From this mother's words, we can roughly understand the cause and effect of the matter. Children are stared at doing homework from an early age, and later tired of learning, rebellious and raised the bar. ”
Iq is genetically inherited, but it is also multi-dimensional, not just smart and quick to respond.
Parents with higher education do not have a suitable parenting method and will also go out of school. On the contrary, mediocre families, as long as they are properly educated, are likely to counterattack.
Many people do not believe in evil.
We cannot be too harsh on this mother, who must also be out of love for her children. But there is nothing terrible than "correction" in the name of love, "accusation" in the name of justice.
Throughout the sharing, she set her child in the position of "not cherishing educational resources and not respecting parents", but tried to use "accept everything about the child" to comfort her emotions and even gain solidarity.
What children need is not "acceptance" with complaints, but "acceptance" with good intentions.
On the one hand, he openly complained, and on the other hand, he "let ta be free".
The most terrible thing on the road to parenting is not to use the wrong method, but to move yourself and push the child to the emotional cliff without knowing it.
2
As a writer, I work more than 10 hours a day, and whenever my son, who is under four years old, asks for a "game invitation," I always say, "Don't bother mom, mom is busy." "Whenever I feel that I don't have time to spend with my child, I will always buy him a lot of books and educational toys in order to make my children move closer to "good things".
But whenever I pick up these books, the child is like a scumbag, telling me, "Mom, don't bother me, I'm busy." At first, I thought it was interesting for the child to "learn the tongue", until there was a later scene -
Once, I was in a hurry to rush to the manuscript, and somewhat confusedly washed the child's face. But the child is on top of the thing, holding the water everywhere with his hands. Out of impatience, a sentence of "Why are you so ignorant, stay in the bathroom" blurted out.
To my surprise, one time when the child brought home a small pebble, I said that when he soiled the floor, he crossed his waist, pointed at me and said seriously, "Why are you so ignorant, stay in the bathroom." I wanted to scold him for not being big or small, but that angry and mean expression was not what I had "demonstrated" to him?
.....
One day later, the child happily told me that the stones he had picked could be arranged as a star, and that each stone had a different pattern, and that he had chosen it for me.
It was the world in his eyes, with a temperature I hadn't imagined.
Since then, I have rarely cared whether he was reading a book or playing with stones "without doing business"; after taking time out of his life as much as possible, I learned that this four-year-old boy already had his own world.
He would tell me when I was fooling him with a toy car, "Mom, you're so funny, the car is fake, it won't crash, the driver won't die." ”
He would remind me when I was playing Sudoku with him, "Mom, you have to put the donkey in front of you, or it will fall." ”
And all these trivial details were inadvertently told to him, and he remembered them very carefully.
Without getting to know him up close, I might never have written this passage at this moment:
The best education for a child is not to give him "I think it's good", but to let him intuitively feel "what is right".
From how to dress, to how to face a failed game, or even every choice on his future life path, as long as we do the right demonstration and give him plenty of love and space, it will be enough.
When parent-child education, reading books and newspapers are labeled correctly, peeing and mud are labeled as bad deeds, children are afraid that they will go further and further in the labels of parents and mothers.
When parent-child education loses the core goal of love and the only criterion for grades, rankings, and what university to go to, the family's suffering and disasters will continue, but the frequency and degree are different.
Every child has a rich and colorful inner world, has enough wisdom, the most important thing is to explore and grow, when each child begins to be self-responsible, self-creation, the road of life will be more and more open.
3
A very old story comes to mind.
The mother of a child whose energy is never concentrated will receive a complaint from the teacher every three to five minutes. She doesn't beat children and never complains that children make her faceless.
Her choice was to turn the teacher's words and tell the child:
"The teacher praised you today because she found that you sat up straight for one minute more today than yesterday."
"You're awesome kid, you sat down for five minutes today."
"Mom is so happy for you, you sat for 20 minutes today, you can enjoy a piano song in its entirety!"
With the encouragement of the mother, the child's attention begins to concentrate and learning begins to progress.
More importantly, he grew confident from the bottom of his heart that I could do it as long as I wanted to, and I could. As long as I am me, my mother loves me.
Many times, children's behavior habits are not as good as we expect, which only shows that we have not yet found an opportunity to help children grow.
Some children "preference" motivation, some children advocate role models, some children rely on the affirmation of parents and mothers, no matter what, it is not the way we control the growth trajectory of children, but the way to let children grow freely in love.
Dear parents and friends, on the road of parenting, look for "shortcuts" to parenting from these perspectives:
(1) There is no "threat" method
"If you don't read today, then you're not a good kid", "If you don't eat well now, then I won't take you out again" – this kind of "if, then" statement often carries a hidden threat.
"If" is connected behind our expectations, then "behind" is our weights.
The love we give is conditional, and only when the child meets our needs and meets our requirements can he receive love.
Once this way is given, our children become puppets who are lifted to the thread.
(2) Do not demean children
"You're a disobedient child today, and I'm so disappointed." "I want to slap you to death, how to give birth to such a thing as you" - this kind of labeled, full of judgmental statements, often hurt the child's sense of self-worth.
Labels make children realize that "I am a bad person" and that they do not deserve the love of their parents.
(3) Multi-purpose exchange method
"Mom said what Mom thinks, now you talk about it" "Just read the book mom wants to read, now come and see what you want to do" - this kind of exchange chat, let the child feel that he and Mom and Dad are on the same level, can communicate on an equal footing.
In this process, we should not try to intervene and "correct" the child, so that the child is given the right to free choice.
(4) Use the "care" method more often
"I know you're a little sad right now..." "It doesn't matter, mom loves you just as much if you did it wrong..." "Can you let me know what you're thinking when you play XXX?" Can you teach me? ”
The belief in the child's choice of his own goals, the acceptance and understanding of his failure, the comfort in his pain, the requirements for him to develop self-discipline habits, and the requirements for him to bear the results of his own choices are true love. And this love will be a fertilizer with infinite vitality to help children grow up healthily.
I accidentally saw my girlfriend's circle of friends and felt the same way.
Educating children is not to "give food, clothing, shelter and transportation" as a way, or to "scold" as a means, but to treat themselves as a tree to shake the child's small tree.
In love and companionship, the child's small tree will also accept the wind and thunder and thunderbolts, bathe in sunshine and rain and dew, and slowly grow into a unique tree, and enjoy the flow and rainbow with the parents.
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Contributing Author: Half a bowl
Editor: Fan Yan
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