01
Children who have been hit by their parents for a long time
What happened?
Hello everyone, I'm Sprout Mom.
Some time ago, there was a topic that rushed to the hot search list #90% of respondents said that they had been hit by their parents' language.
The respondents were 2,006 young people aged 18 to 35, and 90.6% of the respondents admitted that their parents had verbally hit themselves.
And 45.4 percent of respondents believe that the blow continues into secondary schools.
How the results of that percussive education are, now it is really time to accept.
A whopping 59.7% of respondents believe that percussive education makes them lack self-confidence and are prone to self-denial.
How many Chinese children have grown up under the blows of their parents?
Explanation is to resist;
Silence is temper tantrums;
Crying is pretentiousness;
Other people's children are always better than their own;
Anyway, what the child does, it is wrong...
But are children who grow up in this environment really good?
I still remember a little girl in Xi'an City jumping off a building and dying, leaving only the last words of the homework book: "Why can't I do anything?" ”
It turned out that on the day of the incident, the girl did not have time to finish writing an essay assigned by the teacher, and she felt that she was a failure.
In desperation, she chose to jump for life...
As Freud said: No one attacks himself for no reason unless he has experienced a childhood of constant denial and attack.
02
Cracking down on education will only beat children to the ground
You often see this strange phenomenon in life:
When praising other people's children, parents open their mouths to come, but when they get to their own children, they always feel that they have to beat more, and they can't let their children float.
As everyone knows, what you criticize your child, he will develop in the direction of criticism.
In 1939, Wendell Johnson, a language research group at the University of Iowa, recruited 22 orphans to conduct an experiment.
The way the experiment was to constantly hit the children, accusing them of stuttering whenever they spoke.
You know what? After a while, the child, who was originally sharp-toothed, became a real stutter, and accompanied it for a lifetime!
A child who took part in the test, at the age of 74, learned the truth, was in pain, and accused this demonic experiment -
"You ruined my life, and I might become a natural scientist or an archaeologist or president." But I became a poor stutter..."
Children's self-confidence and sense of value completely depend on the evaluation of people around them, and long-term suppression will only make them misposition, thinking that they are such a poor person, and it is easier to break the can.
Parents never know what kind of personality your words will shape their children into.
What's more, they will bury hatred for their parents in the daily blows.
I know that there is a question under the question "What is suicide", and there is a brilliant answer.
He said that children commit suicide, and part of the psychology is revenge.
The moment I jumped, I knew I was going to hurt my parents.
Children should exchange their own lives for the cries and weeping of their parents and the loss of their parents.
They chose to commit suicide only because they were too weak to punish their parents in any other way.
Only in such an extreme way can parents see their vulnerability and make parents realize their mistakes.
03
Good boys are encouraged
In the process of raising two babies, I almost made such a mistake.
My brother is very sharp in everything he does, and he never needs to be urged to write his homework.
And the younger brother is a chronic child, the speed of writing homework is compared with his brother, the old man has something to say: Erbao is good at everything, it is too slow, learn from your brother.
After a few times, the obvious change of the second treasure is that it is slower.
I quickly held a private meeting with the old people and told them not to say that my brother was slow, otherwise it would only get slower and slower.
I prepared a timer for my brother and asked him to calculate his time every day when he wrote his homework.
In this way, you can have a concept of time and clearly see your progress.
I always say: Erbao is awesome! Today is 1 minute faster than yesterday!
This kind of encouragement made my brother more and more focused, and his speed was obviously improved!
As Drakes, founder of Positive Discipline, once said:
A child who misbehaves is a child who is not affirmed, and the more children who are affirmed, the better their behavior and personality will get.
The child's initial self-perception comes from the feedback of the parents, and if he can never get the affirmation from the parents, he will think that this is the truth.
Even, they will always be the one who thinks that they are being scrutinized, so they are afraid of authority, do not know how to get along with the authority, do not know how to take the initiative, and are easy to behave only as promises.
That is, as we say, the bun personality is easy to be bullied.
So on the road to parenting, children need the affirmation of their parents, don't skimp on your appreciation.
04
Be a patient first, then be a doctor
But then again, isn't the child speechless?
Of course not.
Xu Zidong said a sentence in the latest issue of "Round Table Pie" and deeply believed it.
He said that when discussing problems, we must first be a patient and then a doctor.
It couldn't be better to put it in the context of your child's education.
Always evaluating children's deficiencies in the posture of passing people will only exacerbate their frustration.
Standing on an equal footing with the child and understanding the reasons for the child's mistakes can point out the child's deficiencies while letting the child know that he is "not alone in the battle".
For example, I have sent a child dyslexia article before, and a sister left me a message in the middle of the night, and it turned out that she had been wrong to blame the child for so long, and she did not force the child anymore.
Then something miraculous happened, and since telling the child about his possible dyslexia, the child is more willing to spend time on reading.
True education is to respect the child's wishes, so that the child can digest, introspect and grow in a safe environment, rather than blindly controlling and humiliating.
Dripping water through the stone, better than the rainstorm, and good words, silent subliminality.
Every child deserves to be treated with tenderness.
The "gentleness" here is not blind praise, which will evolve into perfunctory; it is not blindly picky, which may be a kind of control and humiliation.
What children really need is for parents to put down their lofty posture, let go of utilitarianism and comparison, and focus on their specific selves.
Tap into your child's potential and help your child overcome weaknesses and blind spots.
After all, the purpose of education is not to exacerbate harm, but to promote growth.
Only in this way can children calmly go to a broader world.
Being loved from an early age is the armor of a lifetime.
The attitude of parents hides the future of their children.
Click "Watching", we encourage!
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