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Raising children is difficult, and children are born without a manual. In the process of learning parenting, parents often make mistakes. However, when parents realize that their child is depressed, they are likely to repeat some of the mistakes their parents make, even though they are eager to help their children.
While experts say teen depression is the most common mental illness among teens today, many parents are unaware of it. Parents may want to help their children overcome the problems they are struggling with, but some unintentional things that parents do may end up causing harm rather than healing to their children.
When parents begin to look for ways to help their children cope with depression, it is important to remember that the presence of parents, unconditional love and support will work better than giving their children advice or solutions.
Below, we've put together the 7 most common mistakes parents make when helping children with depression! Parents should avoid when dealing with their children's depression:
1. Suppose depression is just one condition of adolescent anxiety
The most common mistake most parents make is to attribute their child's behavior to normal teen anxiety or moodiness.
While it's true that changes and turmoil in adolescence often lead to mood swings, teen anxiety and teen depression are different. If you're not sure what is causing your child's behavior to change, it's best to tread carefully and seek professional help.
2. Downplay the problem of depression
Parents are also at fault for thinking that their child's depression is not a big problem.
If you say "it's all your thoughts" or "it's not that serious", it will only make things worse because your child will see it as evidence that you don't care about them. This understatement, in turn, can cause them to withdraw, shut down, and even become more depressed.
3. Be dismissive of your child's feelings
Words like "life is unfair" or "Everyone has bad times" will make your child feel that you are contemptuous and indifferent to him.
Depressed teens already know that life is unfair, so there's no need to point it out anyway. This statement also implies that "depression is something they can quickly and easily overcome," but it is a far cry from the truth. If it were that simple, then depression wouldn't be a problem.
4. Wait for your child to open up
Another common mistake parents make is "waiting for depressed children to approach them." Some parents mistakenly believe that if their children need help, their children will actively call for help.
And the truth is, most depressed teens don't know how to open up to anyone and tell them what they're going through. Worse still, depression often makes them think that no one cares or believes in them.
If you notice that teenage kids are showing disturbing signs of depression, it's best to take the initiative to talk to them yourself rather than wait for them to do it.
5. Keep nagging your child
In contrast to overly passive parents, they will eventually nag their children incessantly and "force" their children to speak up about their problems.
Although it is OK to discuss the topic of depression with your child, if your child is not willing to talk about this topic, do not insist on it, let alone keep nagging with your child around this topic.
Teens with depression already have a lot to deal with, and putting more pressure on them could push them to the brink of collapse. Instead, respect their right to feel their emotions – whatever they are – and give them support and affirmation, letting them know that you can always talk to them as long as they're ready.
6. Be self-centered
No one knows how to provoke parents better than teenagers.
However, depressed teens don't try to provoke you or get a reaction from you. They're not sulking, they're not trying to get your attention, and they're not trying to destroy your emotions. Your habitual "self-centered" psychological cues will only shift attention from the child to yourself. You've managed to shift the focus and make things worse.
In addition, blaming a depressed teen for dragging you back or making you sad will give them extra guilt and shame. You should show them love and support so that they can get back on their feet.
7. Tell them to cheer up or stop struggling
People with depression (not just teenagers) are often told to "cheer up," "get rid of it," or "see the bright side." In fact, there are many things you can say to your depressed child to help ease and elevate their mental and emotional state, but by no means simply telling them "you have to cheer up."
There's no doubt that everyone loves to see the positive side of life, and depressed kids are no exception. However, depression as a mental illness can deprive people of joy and happiness. It's not that they're deliberately sad, it's just that they lack the ability to focus on the joys and positives of the moment.
As parents of depressed teens, it's best to accept the fact that they have a mental illness. They don't fall into depression overnight, and they don't get out overnight. And you help depressed children come out of the abyss, which will require you to spend a lot of time, patience, and love to encourage them to seek help and eventually get better and get back into the light.
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Text: Consultant Hong