The ability to love These three tricks will help you solve the problem of children's boredom

On the surface, school aversion is the result of the comprehensive effect of external learning pressure and children's internal motivation, but its core is due to the lack of family functions, resulting in parents' inability to help children get out of the predicament The key to the lack of family functions lies in the flow between parents and children's hearts and minds, emotions and emotions, which is not smooth or even stopped. Parents and children are filled with mutual distrust, mutual accusations, anger and disappointment. The conflict between parents and children in school aversion is only a carrier, carrying the repressed dissatisfaction, anger and resistance to the family's rigid communication methods over the years.

Therefore, before the occurrence of school aversion, the inner world of family members is already full of isolation, can not really understand each other, and can not help each other to solve the difficulties and challenges that actually occur. When the child is emotionally unblocked, the child's initiative will really start, and going to school and exams are just technical problems that are easy to overcome. It is not the parents who conquer the children, nor the children who conquer the parents, but the parents and the children who reach an inner reconciliation, resulting in a smooth and stable flow of intimate emotions, which is the premise for the complete solution of the problem of boredom. Parents have to spend a lot of time thinking about their children, thinking about themselves, changing themselves, and influencing their children little by little.

For parents, the school-weary behavior of their children often feels difficult to balance in two psychological dimensions:

Is the first dimension a gentle acceptance of the child, or a fierce rejection?

The second dimension is to stick to the rules or compromise?

For parents who are ultimately successful, there are a few strategies to avoid a vicious rejection

But this is really not easy to do. Most parents will adopt this vicious rejection attitude in the beginning, and the result must be to make things worse and push them into a more difficult situation. But many parents can't help but make this mistake repeatedly, and the result is to take two steps further and two steps backwards. Some families even because of the stubbornness of parents, the struggle between parents and children can last for life, the so-called lose-lose situation. Parents are usually vicious in two states, one is to adhere to some rules, such as not allowed to play mobile phones, drag children to school, etc., at this time the evil will usually become angry, children may passively compromise but will not last, often quickly retreat, and will accumulate resentment;

Another type of parent is forced to compromise by the child, for example, not getting up in the morning, refusing to go to school, although the parents are angry, they eventually make concessions, but still grit their teeth. For this kind of situation, many parents will think, I have compromised many times, but there is still no impact on why the child, I don't know, your teeth are very clear to the child.

In practice, you will find that no matter what the situation, as long as the parent shows a state of viciousness and rejection, it will not help the child to change in the end. The child will feel that your heart is not acceptable to him, it is completely negative, and his heart is still isolated from his parents. There is only one way to avoid the above situation, that is, parents should try to surrender to the child's current psychological characteristics in their hearts, and parents should truly admit their mistakes in their past parenting methods and adopt a posture of acceptance of the child's current situation.

Therefore, parents must resolutely put an end to the behavior and mentality of vicious rejection. Stick to a gentle strategy

For some rules that must be observed, such as mobile phone use time, homework completion, etc., parents should try to adhere to it, but maintain a gentle and firm attitude. At such a time, the child's usual reaction is to cry and scream and stalk, and the parents should still be gentle, even if they are angry, do not be angry or out of shape, and try to restrain themselves. Try to explain to your child the parents' reasons for doing so.

In general, if parents hold fast to principles but also accept their children's emotions, children will usually lose quickly. This approach is very effective in disconnecting the network, collecting mobile phones, and insisting that children complete their homework. The premise is that parents should have strong determination, and it is best for couples to cooperate and support each other.

Sometimes, out of respect for the child's particularity, parents also adopt a compromise approach, for example, agreeing that the child will not go to school that day. Particularity refers to the fact that children are particularly resistant, and in the past there were particularly big problems in the education of children, resulting in serious distortions in children's personalities, and recently there have been relatively large psychological traumas, such as the death of important family members. Parents should have the courage to look at this compromise with a calm and accepting attitude. But the inner Hong Kong word is: the child is not ready in the heart, there are still some places where there is no cultivation, I am willing to accompany the child to the next round of efforts, mom and father have enough patience. A compromise may mean a setback to the previous effort, but it does not matter, this retreat belongs to a further, 0.8-step retreat, in fact, there is a slight progress. Where did this small step come from? It comes from the child's feeling that you are partially accepting him, waiting for him, loving patience. Boredom is basically a very effective way for children to clean up their rigid parents, although the result is to kill the enemy and damage themselves eight hundred. Many times, we can look at the child's rebellious behavior from a tentative point of view, promising not to do it, as if testing the patience of parents and testing their acceptance of themselves. It also seems to be calling over and over again for parents to truly see him, to truly understand his pain, to truly accept his various characteristics, which were originally not accepted by parents and teachers.

I have often observed that when a child hits the parent in an extreme way, if the parent compromises, accompanied by an attitude of acceptance, the child will then move in a better direction. For example, because the talked about school did not go, the mother and father did not scold him, but showed calm, the child at home, but may seriously read the book. However, if he hits his parents in an extreme way, and the parents show a thunderous thunder or scolding, the child will not only take one step back, but is likely to take three steps back, not only will not go to school, but will not sleep at night, and will play games all. In fact, whether the parent's effort is constructive or destructive, the child can fully perceive that the more you pay constructively, the faster the child will return. The more destructive the parents give, the slower the child will return.

School aversion is a cry of children for the intimate needs of parents, hoping that parents can truly understand the core of the problem of school aversion, from now on, to be a parent who truly has the ability to love. So that the intimacy between parents and children can flow steadily and smoothly.

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