Wen/Lan Mama on parenting
Parents are the child's light, behind those excellent children often have a warm parents like sunshine in the heart to invest, and the luster of the child depends on whether there is sunlight on the parents, the blood color we see from the child's cheek is also the warm delivery given by the parents, the blood color represents nutrition, but also reflects the parenting heart of the parents, those who are dedicated to the child will often be reflected in the child's face full of red light.
If from the perspective of education, in fact, the cultivation of hard work is the need and love and wisdom as one, many parents' excessive spoiling, or excessive demand for children, in fact, it is easy to lack the wisdom nutrients in growth at the surface level of emotions, and if the obedient education under the "stick" is placed in the contemporary education of children, where should it go?
However, looking at the nourishment of the environment that pays attention to education today, it is not difficult to find that more and more children's ability to resist setbacks is too poor, and parents can not think for themselves and improve themselves while blaming their children for their low ability to bear, if the child is compared to the flowers of the motherland, then the parents are the gardeners who care for the flowers and plants, and if a gardener lacks planting experience, how to cultivate the famous flowers and plants that compete for beauty?
Therefore, parents must pay attention to the nourishment of love and wisdom when they devote themselves to their children's growth and education, especially the following four things, do not force their children to do it:
The first: forcing children to learn
"Hurry up and study and write homework"
Some people say that "learning is the golden brick that changes life", a good grade, a proud certificate, in fact, it is just a choice of direction for children to choose more in life, and many children have been guided by their parents since childhood.
If the child's learning is a rebellious state against the original intention, then the lack of emotion learning is just a hasty task like completing the task, and the real radiant achievement in life is not the growth shortcut or smooth way that parents can arrange for the child, but the more survival experience accumulated by the child through the journey.
On the importance of survival experience, it can directly determine the glory of our lives, honor and disgrace achievements, children who know how to face the darkness as a light can experience the happiness and value of life, and those who have happiness and realize the value of success, often return to their hometown at the same time more grateful and cherished to their parents, because they have experienced the wisdom nutrients emitted by respect, recognition and support in the growth environment given by their parents.
Therefore, when children lack the idea of independent learning, parents must not rush to hurry, rather than "hurry to learn, write homework" but to exert the following wisdom to show:
√ "Your writing is getting more and more neat, I believe the teacher will like to see the homework you write"
√ "Recently, the knowledge points have been mastered very well, and you will know at a glance that you are writing homework with your heart, and continue to cheer."
√ "You can arrange your own time, but remember to take responsibility for your actions and plans!" ”
√ "The way you write your homework is so charming, you don't appreciate it every day for a while, you always feel that something is missing"
√ "Hey, man, did you forget to write your homework and study today?"
Second: Force your child not to cry
"Don't cry, it's so humiliating"
Crying, is an instinctive reaction to the release of a person's emotions, although the child's crying is sometimes really maddening and difficult to control, especially how to coax the child is easy to make the parents collapse, but as parents, we must pay attention to the embodiment of love and wisdom when providing children with growth nutrients, which allows children to cry is the basis for us to understand the child's hard work.
Everyone, including children, in fact, there will be happy, sad, positive, and negative emotional reactions, children will laugh when they are happy, cry when they are uncomfortable, and be sad and silent when they are frustrated, in fact, these are the emotional responses that parents should understand, accept, and comfort and encourage, if we refuse to show their negative emotions, we will not be able to fully understand the children, and we will not be able to achieve the light of education.
In fact, from the emotional level of young children, parents face the child's crying is not forced to prohibit, but how to coax the situation is more depressed, difficult to control, at this time instead of forcing the child to "not cry, too humiliating", it is better to try to smooth the child's negative emotions.
For example, here are a few ways:
√ "I'm also sad to hear your cries, can you tell me what happened?"
√ "Your smile is very contagious, don't forget to raise the corners of your mouth when you are unhappy."
√ "We're good guys, and we have to share sad things."
√ "I have been behind you, rest assured that no one will laugh at you, and I will leave the unhappy crying away and I will be happy."
√ "You say slowly, I'm listening..."
Third: Force children to share
"Too slamming, who wants to play with you"
It is said that "at home rely on relatives, go out to rely on friends", a person, including children, in fact, the embodiment of social ability directly determines their future life value, many parents in high-quality parenting on the child's social ability embodiment, but children are more pure "willing" and "unwilling" embodiment.
Some parents in the face of children are not willing to share, always feel that the child is too hard to cut the door is not conducive to social, they also have a loss of face, and even force the child to share with other children, such as "too cut the door, who is willing to play with you", "you play this to the children, the mother will buy you a bigger and better", in fact, such coercion or temptation is to instill the wrong thoughts on the child.
From the emotional level of analysis, the child is not willing to share to show that he has a different feeling for this thing, especially the insecure child will often put emotions on certain objects, and forcing the child to share will only sprinkle salt on the wound, but also cause greater harm to the child, so we must pay attention to changing the child's needs from the emotional aspect when guiding the child to share and improve the child's social skills.
Like what:
√ "Is the reason you're reluctant to share is the fear that your partner will destroy the toy?" If we try to communicate with each other, I believe that they will love the toy as much as you do."
√ "The same toy has different ways to play, if we share this toy, we will get more interesting experience sharing."
√ "If you really don't want to share this toy with a child, I respect your idea, but should we comfort each other and invite him to try something else?" ”
√ "I'm glad you know how to cherish your own things, but friendship is more emotional than toys, you can draw, chat, play and frolic together, these toys are not a substitute."
Fourth: Forcing children to fit in
"You have to play with your classmates who are good at learning and learn their strengths."
In the growth and education of children, many parents pay more attention to "near Zhu Red, close to ink black", which also leads to many parents forcing their children to be close to Zhu Red from an early age, such as "you have to play with classmates who study well and learn their advantages", this compulsive group behavior does not make children feel happy, especially when excellent students and ordinary students stand together, there is always a steady stream of contrast topics, which is unfair to ordinary children, but also a drainage that discourages self-confidence.
Want children to socialize to improve social skills, may wish to follow the child's ideas, more recognition of them, let the child in the emotional based active grouping in order to better show the characteristics of the light, and the child's social feelings are actually the family's environmental influence, if the parents' behavior is reflected in the positive energy aspects, I believe that the child's ability to fit in will not be too bad.
Therefore, to improve children's social skills, parents should influence their children by example instead of forcing them to be social, such as the following attitudes towards people:
√ allow children to invite children home,
√ guide children to be brave in conversation with strangers
√ encourage children to visit their partner's home
√ promises to your child must be kept
√ also reflect etiquette when getting along with your family, such as "sorry" and "thank you" do not ignore
Parents are the light of the child, I hope that every child can get their own share of the light in the parents, but before this child becomes the flower of the motherland, parents must learn some gardener experience!
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I am Lan Ma, focusing on the analysis of the parenting field author, with personal examples, a variety of family education examples, to record the moment of parenting feelings, like friends, welcome to pay attention to @ Lan Mama talk about parenting together to learn and grow together!