My daughter has been helping her friends carry school bags for a long time
My daughter came to life in second grade. Recently chatting with her, I actually found that she has been helping Xiao Shi carry her school bag home for more than a month!
Xiao Shi is a lifelike classmate, the grades are very good, when the first grade is often tested, the double 100 often has her, and now she does not take the exam, the actual situation is not very clear.
Xiao Shi and vivid, there is a name called Xiao Hu, the three little girls often play together, after school, but also often come to my house, Xiao Shi every time he sees me to unfold a big smile, obediently said: Auntie hello!
I was surprised, how could Xiao Shi force her friend to help her carry her school bag?
I asked, "Why doesn't she carry it herself?" ”
Lifelike: "I don't know, she said let me carry it." ”
Me: "You didn't refuse?" ”
Vivid: "Yes! But she's like this..." Vivid put his hand on his face, twisted his waist, pinched his mouth, stomped his feet, and continued to say, "Help me!" ”
I was dressed up beautifully, but my heart was getting colder.
My daughter was once used to be ridden by a friend
I suddenly remembered the horseback riding incident that happened last semester.
At that time, he came home and said to me: Mom, I think these days have been very unfree!
I asked: What's wrong?
Lifelike: Xiao Shi let me be a horse. She rode me while shouting "Drive, my horse is coming, get out of the way!" While wandering around the classroom and between the desks.
Me: "She only rides you, not anyone else?" “
Vivid: "Yes. ”
Me: "You didn't ride her?" ”
Vivid: "No, it's very rude." ”
Me: "You don't want to, why don't you refuse." ”
Lifelike: "I didn't think it was anything at first, and I played with her for a while." The latter also refused. And she said, why not, you agreed last time! "I kept asking, I was annoyed, I didn't know what to do, so I let her ride."
When I think of my daughter in the classroom, in public, being ridden by people and horses, I feel a dull pain.
I taught Life to firmly refuse, and then it didn't happen or happen. At that time, I thought that Xiao Shi didn't understand things very well and didn't pay any more attention.
Unexpectedly, there are many such things
Vivid later said several things intermittently, which shocked me.
Xiao Shi steals something from a good friend.
The three of them had good friends, one named Xiao Hu, and a beautiful automatic pencil. Xiao Shi also had the same one, but the spring inside the pen tip was missing. During the class, Xiao Xi asked Xiao Hu to pass the pen over and give her a look, unexpectedly, after the class, Xiao Hu took the pen back and found that the pen was broken, and the spring inside was missing!
Xiao Hu went to ask Xiao Xi: Have you seen my spring?
Xiao Shi: No.
Vivid said that she saw that the spring that Xiao Shi had broken had actually been repaired. When she asked about Xiao Shi, Xiao Shi said that she had fixed it.
Small tidal copying operation.
Vivid: "Mom, recently Xiao Hu has not been easy to go to school, and he has to go to school early every day to do morning practice questions." ”
Me: "How hard-working people are." ”
Lifelike: "No, Xiao Shi asked her to finish it early, copy it for her, it has been copied for several months." ”
Speaking of which, Xiao Shi's image completely collapsed in my heart.
Although Xiao Xi did not understand it, he had signs of bullying
I believe that Xiao Shi is not really bad, a child who is only in the second grade, it is estimated that there is not much bad thought, but some things are indeed extremely frightening.
First of all, she didn't know how to understand, and even knew how to stabilize her "right" small circle.
At the beginning, Xiao Shi was trying to create a circle of "girlfriends".
I remember when I was in the first grade, She came back and told me that she had a "girlfriend". I wonder, how can I suddenly have a girlfriend?
It turned out to be Xiao Shio, a child who usually plays together. I asked, "You guys are so good, you're all girlfriends!" ”
Vivid: "I don't quite understand, she told others that I was her girlfriend." ”
Later, Xiao Shi also often came to my house to play, went to travel, and did not forget to give "girlfriends", bring a small hand rope and other souvenirs. Because it was not too expensive, I let my daughter accept it.
But then I heard one thing:
Lifelike: The last time the three of us played, Xiao Xuan came over and wanted to play together, and Xiao Xi said, No, our three good friends play together, no one else to play.
Small groups are generally socialized with the same hobbies, but when small groups exist only to exclude, then they are no longer social and become tools to satisfy the rights and control desires of certain children.
Last time, the three of them went and bought a diary, beautiful, locked kind. At that time, Xiao Hu and Xiao Xi bought the same. On the way home, Xiao Shi's diary fell to the ground and the lock was broken!
Then, she asked Xiao Hu to change with her, and Xiao Hu didn't want to change, so she messed around.
I listened to this, expressed nervousness, and asked: "So the result?" ”
Vivid: "Xiao Hu still gave it to her." Finally, Xiao Shi also said, I am your boss, you all have to listen to me! ”
So surprised! How did she become the eldest, in fact, among the three children, she is the youngest and the shortest. I confirmed at the time that she was stabilizing her own small circle, and then in this small circle, she was willful. Because she will not mess with adults, nor will she mess with other classmates, but in the small circle of three so-called "girlfriends", she is very domineering.
Her cleverness is also manifested in the fact that she knows "negotiation" skills.
She grasped the soft-hearted characteristics of the other 2 children, if the other party did not agree, she would sell cuteness, trickery, and even "coercion and inducement", the point is that she also knows how to insist, 1 time can not work, 2 times, 3 times, 1 day is not OK, 2 days, 3 days ... For example:
"I won't play with you after you do that."
"I let no one play with you."
"I bought you candy last time!"
"You agreed last time, why not this time?" This trick is not even able to be overwhelmed by adults.
Many bullying people are not self-aware
In her opinion, she may really think that she is just playing with friends, and for adults, she may only say "uncultured" and "children are playing". However, you know, there is a kind of "emotional bullying" that often occurs among children, just like Xiao Shi, bullying others in a small circle, but saying to the outside world: We are good friends, we just play.
The temperament is relatively weak, how to prevent bullying?
Bullying in schools has attracted the attention of scientists, who have found that there are three things that can help children avoid hidden bullying, especially the "ridicule and exclusion" behavior that often occurs in girls' groups.
1, it is very important that parents and children know which behaviors are bullying.
In fact, this matter, or accompany the second treasure to read only to find, in addition to what we usually learn through various channels, the body is directly hurt by the bullying method, there is a more secret way - invisible bullying, including nicknames, pushing, grabbing things, summoning, touching, laughing, as well as the girls' circle often appears exclusion, rumors.
This form is easy to ignore, and if children and teachers and parents mention it, it is more likely to usher in the care of adults:
How people laugh at you at will, give you nicknames at will, must be something you don't do well!
Children play and make trouble, solve it by themselves, adults are not good to intervene.
Wouldn't it be nice not to play with him?
However, in fact, it does not solve the problem at all. When the child is rejected by most people, when he can't say a word for a day, when the person he doesn't want to see is the same table, look up and don't look down, all that's left is long-term suffering.
2) Don't feel really bad just because you've been bullied.
Many children who are bullied are relatively weak, and such children generally do not know how to refuse. It's important to learn to reject others. Usually, you can practice in 2 ways:
A: In some small things, practice rejecting others. When someone else knows you're not going to follow the crowd, or even succumb to most choices, then they won't continue to put pressure on.
B: If you meet yourself and do something you don't want to do, practice it at home.
Just like this time, I know that Lifelike often helps Xiao Shi carry the school bag, so I let her play Xiao Shi, and I played my daughter and taught her to refuse. Later, I found that lifelike acting was also addictive, and when the role was changed back, lifelike also added a lot of drama to itself, thinking of more effective methods, like: "If you don't play, you don't play, I have a lot of friends in the class next door, and I have my sister to accompany me!" ”
C: Think about why you insist on rejecting? I skip class with him because I want to improve my grades. If I don't go home with him, I can enjoy my time after school. It's important to know exactly what you want and to remind yourself at all times.
3, to know how to find adults to help, find friends who can support themselves.
Not every adult can understand a child's difficulties. Mom doesn't understand, just look for Dad, don't give up. Also, it's important to make more friends, especially like-minded ones. Just like many children now like to buy snacks after school, some children actually don't want to buy, but they can only follow suit. At this time, it is important to find some that you don't want to buy and work together to resist temptation and pressure.
4, many times, do not explain too much, a sentence "no, thank you", "I don't want to explain" is enough.
My daughter is a better person, and when she rejects others, she always likes to explain. But when encountered "Why did you help me last time, and this time it can't?" "Why such a simple thing, you don't help me" This kind of thing, she often can't explain. In fact, at this time, it is also a good choice to simply and directly end the topic without explanation.
Write at the back:
Many people may think that my child is very strong and will not be bullied; or that the situation is not serious now, and there is no need to go online to deal with it. But I think it's important to learn anti-bullying first, and more importantly, not to let children endure, as I said to Lifelike:
If you choose to be patient, you will most likely join the group in the future and become a bully. Scientific investigation has found that many bullies have the experience of being bullied, and they can't solve it, so they put their pain on others!
Hello everyone, I am vivid and xixi, the second child mother, good at parent-child reading, picture book in-depth interpretation. Welcome to follow me.