Text/Yangcheng Evening News all-media reporter Xu Zhangchao Chen Hui
Correspondent Liu Qingjun Pan Yingyuan
Photo/Visual China
Yangcheng Evening News, December 24, 2021, A16 edition
Before, it has always been a "primary school bully" with stable grades, or a "well-behaved girl" and "well-behaved boy" who is particularly self-disciplined and does not have to worry about adults to study, and as a result, when she reaches junior high school or high school, she says "I don't want to go to school". Parents originally thought that the child was tired or emotional, and it would be fine in a few days, but who wanted the child really refused to go to school, and it was a few months at home.
In recent years, the problems of adolescents due to mental health such as school aversion and depression have continued to rise, and the reporter learned from some hospitals in Guangzhou that the number of middle and high school students who go to psychological clinics for boredom counseling has increased. Why do children get bored with school? How should parents treat it correctly? The reporter interviewed relevant psychological experts.
Visual China Infographic
Case: From the top three in the school to boredom
Li Danian, a encephalopathy doctor at the First Affiliated Hospital of Guangzhou University of Chinese Medicine, told reporters that among the students who came to the hospital for treatment due to boredom this year, Junior high school student Guo Jun (pseudonym) made a deep impression on him. Guo Jun's performance in elementary school is both excellent in character and learning, her academic performance ranks in the top three in the school for many years, and her mother accompanies her to study with her every night after work; after entering junior high school, Guo Jun's interest in learning is completely gone, she does not touch the textbook at all, and the relationship with her mother is even more overwhelming.
This year, after Guo Jun was discovered for self-harm, her family decided to take her to the hospital for help. During the treatment, Guo Jun told the doctor one of the things she remembered the most: she used to beg her mother to buy dolls, and her mother always refused on the grounds of wasting her study time. In junior high school, Guo Jun began to ask herself, obviously everyone plays, some make trouble, and are very happy, can I only learn every day? Why should I learn this way?
After entering junior high school, in Guo Jun's eyes, her mother, who stared at her every night to study, became the person who restrained her the most, and Guo Jun's relationship with her mother became more and more rigid, and finally there was a quarrel and even a situation of action. In the process of receiving the treatment, Guo Jun's mother angrily told the doctor that how did she become uninterested in learning overnight after paying so much and cultivating excellent children?
Delays in homework are often a sign of pre-school boredom
The transition from love of learning to boredom of learning is not a change that occurs overnight, and there are signs before that. "Aversion to learning is when it becomes indifferent to learning, or even rejects learning, which is actually an emotional shift or abnormality." Li Danian explained that under normal circumstances, parents can make judgments by observing some of their children's emotional or behavioral reactions, such as whether they like or resist learning, whether they value it or not. In clinical observation, Li Danian found that "delaying in doing homework" is the most common behavior of middle and high school students in the early stage of school boredom.
"No one can say what state is in the classroom, and it is not clear whether it is learned or not, and it is easy to judge whether it is homework or not." Li Danian said that when high school students had time and ability to complete homework but had been delaying not doing it, parents needed to pay more attention to this situation, which meant that children had a certain degree of disgust with learning. In the case of parents not to carry out appropriate guidance, when the child's boredom with school is further serious, there will be a situation of distraction or even complete loss of interest in learning.
The child is bored with school, and the back or "home" is sick
"Bored with school" is not a simple child who is tired and bored with learning, but a manifestation or result of the parent-child relationship of the original family. "In the treatment, I have always felt that the original family has the greatest impact on middle and high school students, and the interpersonal relationship between teachers and students and peers is far less direct than the influence of parents on children." Li Danian analyzed that most of the psychological problems and emotional problems of middle and high school students are caused by the original family, and the real problem of boredom is not learning itself, but the wrong education methods of the original family, such as excessive control, scolding education, cold violence, etc.
"Middle and high school students happen to be in the stage of adolescence and rebellion, which is a process of finding self-worth, and it is very important to pay attention to whether their parents respect him." Li Danian said that parents of middle and high school students often use their past experience to ask their children roughly, invisibly depriving their children of their choices, so that children cannot experience the warmth of the family.
At the same time, Zhang Baifang, a psychologist at the First Affiliated Hospital of Guangdong Pharmaceutical University, said that some parents only superficially respect their children's choices, and when children make a choice, if they do not meet the parents' wishes, parents will suppress their children, and try their best to convince their children how bad and inappropriate this choice is, and what kind of interests, hobbies or directions you should choose. "The child's choice is never affirmed, which of course leads to him not caring about anything or having no enthusiasm, or even directly closing himself off." Zhang Baifang said.
"In a controlling family, children are bound, lose curiosity and the joy of self-exploration, easily form dependence, unwilling to take responsibility; often denied, or even suppressed, children have no successful experience, forming learned helplessness, no self-confidence." Zhang Baifang pointed out that in the arrangement of the family system, everyone has their own position and order, when each family member is in the right position, love will flow effectively; when the parents overly control the child, or the child is above the parents, the position and order of the family members are chaotic, and the entire family function will be unbalanced.
Escalation to suspension or withdrawal from school, it is recommended that a psychologist intervene
"A bored child generally does not propose to withdraw from school or withdraw from school, and when the child's emotions about learning rise from non-interest or resistance to pain or torture, he will propose suspension and withdrawal, because sitting in school makes him very painful, which prompts him that he is likely to have a mental illness, such as depression, which requires the intervention of a professional psychologist." Li Danian reminded.
According to the "China National Mental Health Development Report (2019-2020)", young people aged 18 to 34 are the most anxious group among adults, and in 2020, the detection rate of depression among adolescents in China was 24.6%, of which severe depression was 7.4%. Zhang Baifang said that for middle and high school students who come to the hospital for diagnosis, especially if they think that their existence is worthless or meaningless, doctors will conduct a comprehensive assessment based on family history, growth process, whether there is self-harm behavior, anxiety scale, etc.
"Like patients with major depression, they must undergo drug treatment, patients with moderate depression can consider drug treatment plus psychotherapy or only do psychological treatment, and patients with mild depression generally do not use medication." Dr. Zhang Baifang said that for middle and high school students who are suspended or retired due to severe depression, after treatment improves, it is recommended to maintain long-term follow-up consultations to prevent recurrence of the disease.
Support: Family therapy rebuilds love and trust
What should parents do when the child has closed the conversation box? Li Danian said that it takes a lot of effort to change the phenomenon of school aversion that has occurred, and these efforts are exactly what parents ignore in the early growth of children. "The first thing I do is not to communicate with my children first, but to let parents change their attitudes first, and the premise of changing attitudes is that parents should first reflect on why their children are not willing to communicate with us." Li Danian said.
Parents should reduce themselves from a high position to the height of a friend, and after the posture is reduced, they can start from the child's hobbies to re-establish effective communication. "Talk more about your child's hobbies, don't talk to him about big reasons, like how do you play basketball?" Has the last painting you painted changed from the previous one? Li Danian gave an example.
"At this time, the child will easily open the conversation box." Li Danian said that the significance of children's companionship in the age stage of junior high and high school students is far greater than education. After the exchange is opened, first of all, let the child feel the love of the parents for him, rather than the parents' attention or discipline to him, the child only feels the love of the parents, the parents have the opportunity to educate and guide; when the parents try to change, the children will slowly experience the change of the parents and the warmth of the family, and each find their original position.
In addition, Li Danian reminded parents not to attach too much pressure and conditions to learning, for example, learning with material rewards will only make their parents' love taste bad. "In the solution of the problem of boredom, it is not the doctors who play a key role, but the parents, and many problems are most perfect to solve at home." Li Danian said. (For more news, please pay attention to Yangcheng Pie pai.ycwb.com)
Source | Yangcheng Evening News Yangcheng Pie
Editor-in-charge | ZHANG Hua