Text/Blue Dream
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Marriage, many times like a marathon, requires both men and women to work together to overcome one difficulty after another, to go through one bump after another.
In this long run, love is initially the most beautiful catalyst. Many couples decide to walk together because of the emergence of love and face the storms of life. However, in the quarrel after quarrel, the temperature of love gradually faded, and the beauty of the past gradually disappeared.
In this case, the two will feel tired of getting along. Women, because of the involvement of children, will most likely choose to continue to insist. Some men will choose to give up, and then have the idea of betraying the family.
In their view, the two will live a mess, which is the woman's fault. He only needs to change a wife, and he can immediately change this situation and live happily ever after.
I have to say that this is a relatively naïve idea. Data shows that even the best couples have thoughts of divorce. That is, even if he chooses to divorce and be with the woman he likes now, they will most likely become a couple over time.
For example, Chen Junsheng and Ling Ling in "The First Half of My Life".
Because of her momentary care, he thought that he had found the person who knew him best in his life, so even though he felt extremely guilty, even though he would be blamed by countless people, even if he would let the child lose a complete family from now on, he still chose to divorce.
At first, his mood was comfortable. But soon after, the contradictions between the two gradually revealed. Countless nights later, he even regretted his original impulses.
The problem is, not all men can see through this. So the drama of men betraying their families is still playing out every day.
This practice of men is a fatal blow to women - once, you said to give me a warm world and let me no longer experience the wind and rain. Now the vows are still ringing in your ears, but you have to choose to leave.
Once, you said you would give me a home so that I could have a place to live in a great city, but now you have destroyed this home with your own hands.
Once, you said that you would take me to see the scenery of the world and live as an enviable couple. I haven't seen the scenery yet, but you want to leave me alone.
Painful? The answer, of course, is yes. It's better to be miserable than to face a man's indifferent expression and disgusted look, so most women will choose divorce - not only for him, but also to give themselves the courage to live again.
This is the right thing to do, and many times, only by leaving the mud can we see the most beautiful scenery in the world, otherwise our young heart may age and then no longer have the enthusiasm to continue living.
This is also the reason why Gu Jia left Xu Huanshan in "Thirty Only". Marriage is not just about love, it is more often necessary for two people to trust each other. And this trust has been broken by what Xu Huanshan has done.
If Gu Jia stays, she will become suspicious and suspicious, thus becoming a burial object for Xu Huanshan's betrayal of feelings.
So, she's leaving.
Yet smart women, when confronted with their husbands betraying their families, often don't do just that.
01 Adjust your own state
This is the most important and difficult step. Many women feel that they have a failed marriage because they are not doing well enough. So she will blindly blame herself, reflect on herself, and deny herself.
In such a state, even if a woman chooses to divorce, she is only standing still, not getting a new life.
Smart women will adjust their state and let themselves look at men's betrayal with an outsider's eyes.
It was difficult to do so because she was a person in the bureau and could not see her own situation with a rational eye. However, only by doing so can a woman get out of the shadow of a failed marriage and thus have the courage to continue living.
In "The Little Woman Under the Gate of Zhengyang", Xu Huizhen is very sad whenever she thinks of her ex-husband's cruel heart. She didn't understand that even if he had no feelings for her, but the child in her belly was his, how could he bear to let himself go to the hospital with a big belly?
So although there are many men pursuing her, she always closes her heart and does not want to remarry, after all, she has a tavern body, and there is a way to run a business, and it is not a problem to support herself and her children.
It was Cai Quanwu's care and pampering that made her begin to look at the failed marriage with an objective eye. Eventually she came to the conclusion that the failed marriage was not anyone's fault, it was possible that the two were really inappropriate.
Realizing this, she began to adjust her state. Because of this, she was able to catch the right person and reap the happiness of a lifetime.
02 Arrange a way out
Divorce is not terrible, the terrible thing is that you don't have any way out for yourself before divorce. In "The First Half of My Life", Luo Zijun repeatedly competed with Xu Huanshan for the custody of his children because of his mother's love. But she did not make arrangements for the future life of the two.
If it were not for Tang Jing being strong enough to repeatedly instruct her on how to do it; if it were not for He Han being sober enough to often mention her; if it were not for Chen Junsheng's love for the child and his unwillingness to let the child lose his mother, then Luo Zijun would not have been able to obtain a relatively happy life.
The problem is that life is not the same as a TV series. In life, women may not meet a girlfriend like Tang Jing, nor may she meet a sober helper like He Han, and what happens in the future is all between a woman's thoughts. If women don't have a plan, then it's easy to lose.
Smart women have long thought of this, so once she decides to divorce, she will actively fight for her own interests and carefully arrange a way out. For example, communicate with children to reduce the fear in children's hearts; such as how to fight for the custody of children; such as how to ensure the quality of life in the future.
Divorce means new life, but it also means a burden. Only by planning well can women minimize the impact of divorce on themselves.
For women, divorce is a nerve-wracking thing, especially after having children. So before making this decision, it should be carefully considered. However, once you decide to leave, then you must make arrangements and a way out so that you can get your life on track as soon as possible. Of course, in this process, women also need to adjust their state, not to blame all the reasons for marriage failure on themselves, but to look at this matter more objectively.
I most appreciate Xu Huizhen in "The Little Woman Under the Gate of Zhengyang". Men like it, she is gentle; men are disgusted, she leaves. Two people can live happily, one person can live a wonderful life.
I wish every woman a wonderful life.
END.