The child became angry
Before you know the situation, the child has begun to lose his temper, the child's emotional loss of control makes the parents very embarrassed, good parents must have a good temper, and patience is the nemesis of bad temper.
Recently, a mother left a message to me that the child is now particularly temperamental, how did the well-behaved and cute child become like this before? And told me about a recent incident:
The mother was cooking in the kitchen, when she suddenly heard a sound from the living room, and when she went out to see, the biscuits on the table were all scattered on the ground, a mess, and the child was lying on the ground with the biscuit box.
"What are you doing?" The mother walked over to pick up the child and grabbed the box.
The child suddenly burst into tears and slapped his mother:
"Give it back to me, give it back to me, it's mine."
His mother told him not to argue, but he shouted louder, as if only louder could cover up his fault of spilling cookies on the ground and snatch back his "treasure."
What would you do if your children were like this? Before you know the situation, he has begun to lose his temper, crying, stomping his feet, arguing, throwing things. It makes you anxious and depressed, right? There may be another situation, the child's reaction is not fierce, but she closes her lips and eyes, no one cares, no one cares, no one cares, obviously she is throwing a tantrum, the child who is out of control makes the parents very embarrassed, and the child has no temper all the time.
Emotional intelligence is our lifelong commitment to improve, adults at a specific time, occasions will be willful, tantrums, not to mention children, tantrums are also part of the growth, of course, good or bad temper is also related to innate temperament, some children's temper may be a little better, but almost every child will experience his violent bad temper period.
Love tantrums is a phenomenon that children appear around the age of 1, although it is normal for children to have bad tempers at this stage, but it does not mean that parents can ignore this problem, bad tempers will not take the initiative to become rational and return to calm, if not channeled, children can not cultivate their self-control, emotional intelligence can not be improved, will inevitably lead to him in the future everywhere to hit the wall, more importantly, bad temper is not channeled, both will hurt the body and will be sad.
Parents are the best teachers of children, this sentence is not exaggerated at all, if parents do not do well in emotional management, how can they ask their children? Children's emotions are actually very satisfied, what they want is definitely not our impatience, we often feel that the child is making trouble without reason, but calm down and think about it, it is estimated that they are also quite aggrieved, who will be good and suddenly start to lose their temper, any kind of emotion has a head, adults are so, children are the same.
Children who suddenly become irritable are likely to be due to the following reasons:
1, doting parenting style
Parents spoil their children, let them do whatever they want, and respond to their needs, and children will tend to use their parents' concessions to achieve their wishes, and this indulgent and uneducated situation will cultivate their violent personality.
I remember a friend told me about their children: once went to the mall to buy something, walked to a toy store, the child had to buy a toy, the family already had it, but the child wanted it, did not buy it, sat on the ground, and threw the toys in the mall left and right everywhere. So, the parent got angry and punched him in the ass and back. The child did not show weakness, shouting and crying. As a result, I bought the toy that suited my heart, and the matter was settled.
At home, Grandpa, Grandma, Grandpa, and Grandma surrounded him like the stars, and they were also responsive to the children, which made his temper grow bigger and bigger, and everything had to be let go of him, and everything was decided by him. And the child's father is short-tempered, sometimes angry, just beat him, who knows the more he fights and cries, the more fierce, there is no way.
This kind of coddling by parents makes children cry and make a lot of noise when they are slightly unsatisfactory.
2, health problems
Illness will affect a person's ability to control, sick children, because they can not control their own body and are not satisfied with anything, can only be through a variety of special treatment to resolve the heart of the upset, there is a situation is during the illness, the child receives special treatment, once the illness is cured, the special treatment is canceled, but in his mind is not canceled, the child will lose his temper.
Recently our children experienced fever, nasal congestion and cough, extremely unstable mood, a little bit of dissatisfaction on the tantrum, but also crying, sometimes with the child to talk about no use, as a parent must be anxious, guilty and heartache, anxious when the child's illness is good, guilty of not taking good care of the child, heartache child body discomfort, so basically around the child, busy non-stop.
Some children enjoy unprecedented VIP treatment during the illness, and once they are well, they feel that the gap is very large, and they naturally use crying and anger to re-attract the attention of adults.
3, the requirements are ignored
Playing with children at home, many parents will look at mobile phones, take children out to play, still looking at mobile phones, children encounter problems, and the signals that come to ask for help again and again are blocked by parents, and emotional attention and care is often the most important reason for children's tantrums.
4, there is a sample
A parent who loves to lose his temper, the educated child will often become a person who loves to lose his temper, the child always likes to imitate the words and deeds of the parents, the parents are grumpy, and the child's personality will not be too gentle.
Once met a mother and daughter on the subway, the mother looked down at the mobile phone, her daughter was sitting quietly at first, and then she called her mother from time to time, and it was very boring to look at, seeking attention. But her mother answered her without a ride, and then simply said impatiently: "Sit still and don't move, where are so many words!" ”
The little girl was quiet for a while, and then began to pull and pull at her mother, with great strength, which hurt her mother, and her mother directly roared: "What are you doing?" Don't worry! ”
The little girl's eyes were red, and without hesitation, she slapped her mother, and at this time her mother was also angry, and directly pushed her: "You are looking for a beating!" The little girl fell to the ground without doing a steady job, and she stood up and began to face her mother, scratching and biting, crying and making a lot of noise, and her eyes were full of anger.
The mother tied the girl's hand with her hand while hiding, and was bitten by the little girl in the middle of the time, she slapped the girl twice in pain, the little girl was completely out of control, punched and kicked in the mother's arms, people on the subway have avoided, do not know how to persuade the mother and daughter.
The farce ended in both sides, both panting, saying hurtful words to each other, while the people next to them were talking about it.
Can a grumpy parent like this expect his child to be as gentle as a sheep?
In the face of the child's sudden temper, what method to solve
When the child's temper comes up, parents should know how to clearly guide and treat it is particularly important, in fact, when the child's temper is getting worse and worse, for parents, what is most needed is patience, learn to control their emotions, if not, then be patient.
You can also do this:
1. Express love for children
When the child is impatient, parents first can not be affected by the child's emotions, keep calm, remind themselves: I am facing only a child, take a deep breath, let their hearts calm down, learn to speak softly with the child, which is helpful for the child to quiet down, when the child yells at you, do not criticize the child, you can use a short language to answer the child, try to approach the child, give the child a hug, comfort the child through physical contact, let the child's emotions slowly quiet down.
2, "cold treatment" of children
When the child is not met because of unreasonable requirements, parents can completely take a "cold treatment" approach to deal with, when the child finds that there is no way to pose a "threat" to you, he will naturally give up his unreasonable teasing.
3. Quarantine policy
Calmly take the child to another quiet place and tell him that when he stops crying, he can come back. When he returns, talk to him about what just happened and how to avoid it. In case the child cries again, the quarantine policy is still adopted.
For example, when taking a child out shopping, crying and making a fuss, just calmly take him out or take him to the car. After he had cried, he would continue to finish what he had just done. Don't let your child feel that tantrums can stop you from purchasing.
How to help your child manage their emotions
1. Empathize with the child's emotions
If you want your child to cry without moving, it is more important to understand him when he cries than not allowing him to cry, try to understand the child's emotions and give him the opportunity to vent his emotions.
What the child needs is to have a person who can cry with him, instead of saying to him: "Don't cry, what is there to cry about", most parents can't accept the child's crying, the first time is to find a way to stop the child's crying, we don't want to evaluate the child's emotions without authorization, he wants to cry, we just need to quietly accompany him, let the child vent his emotions.
2. Help the child calm down
Most of the children are strong to weak when they cry, but each child is different, it is important to seize different opportunities to intervene, such as our family, every time the child cries very badly, I will borrow other things to intervene, "Let's wipe the snot, okay?" "Because the child prefers to be clean, the child can't cry in the process of wiping the nose."
This kind of small skill is different from person to person, in the intervention of more observation of the child, whether the mood has been eased, if this can help the child to ease the emotions, it means that the intervention can help the child control the emotions.
3, after the calm, talk about the story behind it
"What just happened, can you tell your mother about it?" "Don't you feel more comfortable after crying?" Review the events with your child, and let your child understand that these emotions can be told to parents and can understand his feelings.
When the child tries to achieve certain goals by crying, we must clearly let the child know: you can use crying as a way to vent emotions, but not as a means to solve the problem, such as the child is throwing a tantrum because he can't get something, don't give him something to make him quiet. If you can get what you want as soon as you lose your temper, he will lose his temper more freely later, and we can wait until the child is calm before telling him the reason why he can't give.
Empathizing with the child is not a simple sentence of "I know you are sad", but to truly respect the child, guide the child, perceive his emotions through the child's details, and in the process, give him the opportunity to grow and let him gain the ability to solve problems.
Each child has a different personality, and when he loses his temper, we may take different approaches, but patience is the most basic element, and we need to patiently observe and analyze the cause of his distress, patiently respond to him, and patiently give him comfort and empathy.
Of course, this is a very long process, and even we often can't help but lose patience, but parenting and growing up with children is not also a lesson that we have been practicing?