As a person at the end of the 1980s, when I was growing up, it was probably the most severe time for family planning in China.
I have seen many uncles and uncles face huge fines or important belongings in the family because they have overbirth.
At that time, I couldn't figure out why they would rather be fined, go out to hide from family planning, and have one more child.
In fact, compared to families with multiple children, I envy one-child families, they have double the love of their parents, they will not have to grab everything, everything to fight, especially in the era of lack of resources, this is really enviable.
But life is often like this, thirty years of Hedong, thirty years of Hexi, the only child at a young age, enjoy the double love of their parents, people envy.
But when their parents get old, they have to bear double the pressure of old age, which we can't realize when we are young.
Yesterday, there was a news on Weibo hot search, a beijing uncle scolded more than 20 nannies in half a year.
These nannies were all the only daughters of the great uncle who asked him to come back and take care of him. And why did this uncle scold the nanny? In fact, it is some small things, the nanny will not hit soy milk, the nanny washes dishes with too much water, the nanny does not do things to play mobile phones, etc., the uncle is very emotionally unstable, and scolds people at every turn. Later, the uncle simply said that he had hired 100 nannies, and 100 nannies were like this, and simply gambled not to be hired.
In addition to these nannies are not satisfied, in fact, the uncle has another layer of reasons. It turned out that the uncle saw that the nanny's salary of more than 6,000 was distressed, and wanted to save money for his daughter, and at the same time, he longed for his daughter to take care of himself, but his daughter had her own job, and the family needed money to eat and drink Lazar to see a doctor. Moreover, the parents' pension fees do not cover these expenses, so she must go out to earn money, and finding a nanny is the way to go. However, he did not understand his daughter's difficulties, so her daughter found a babysitter, and he scolded a babysitter. At the same time, he also had resentment in his heart. Her daughter said he was very unsettling and deliberately disrupted the medicine, and she had to spend a lot of time cleaning up.
Many people say that this old man is very sharp and picky, but in fact, what I can see from this incident is the heartache and helplessness of an only child. The difficulties faced by this only daughter are much more difficult than we imagined. Not only did she have to take care of her father alone, her mother was also paralyzed in bed, and neither of her parents was able to take care of herself, and she had to rely on her alone.
Her mother said very apologetically that it was too difficult to have an only child, and any pressure was on her daughter. She could know her daughter's pain, but she couldn't help her share it.
Every day, she tries to practice walking and cooking alone, as long as she can make her daughter less burdensome.
How hard is it for an only child? The girl said that the deepest impression was that her parents were hospitalized at the same time, and she ran through this floor to see her mother, and she needed to run to another floor to see her father immediately.
At that time, it was the epidemic again, and there was only a fixed time to visit, and she had to complete the two tasks of watching her father and mother within an hour.
At that time, there were many things that needed to be explained, all kinds of things that needed to be done, and she felt that she was exhausted.
Speaking of this experience, the girl couldn't help but cry.
Many times, she can't cry in front of her parents, because there is no one behind her, the only thing her parents rely on, if this dependence becomes weak, then her parents will be more difficult and more difficult.
More often, she is numb, has no expectations for tomorrow, and can only come to cover the water, and her parents can live is her greatest wish.
She said: "Her time is not her own at all, and it must be divided evenly among three people to use. In the end, she only hoped that God could be fair, and now that she had suffered so much and suffered such sins, she hoped that she would be happier than others in the future.
To be honest, this news still makes me feel very close. I had previous experiences of caring for my mother sick and hospitalized, I knew how painful it was, I was still taking care of my mother alone, I had my brother who could rotate, and she was four times more stressed and miserable than I was. By this year, the total number of only children in China has reached 180 million, and many of our generation after 80s and 90s are only children, remember that many people at that time had only children in their families.
But when their parents get old, when their parents are sick, they become so weak that they can't fall because they are all parents. This is a scar that the only child of a generation of post-80s and post-90s cannot touch. Not daring to be poor, not daring to get sick, not daring to marry far away, and not daring to hear the phone call of their parents hospitalized late at night is their true portrayal.
A news that once happened in Shanghai, after reading it, I felt a lot. The Shanghai Jiading police station received a report that an old man who was dying had not eaten for 3 days, and the situation was very dangerous and needed immediate rescue.
The police immediately arrived and gave emergency treatment to the old man, but when they tried to contact the old man's son, they found that they could not be contacted. It turned out that the old man's son did not abandon it, but he himself died of a sudden heart attack when he went to the hospital to see a doctor. The old man was bedridden for a long time, unable to take care of himself, his food, clothing and living were taken care of by this only son, and the unexpected death of the only son directly led to the old man's almost starvation. "The old father did not eat for 3 days without being cared for, but found that his son had died in the hospital", how desolate is this? After reading this news, my mood could not be calmed for a long time. Do you remember the photo called "The Only Child"? After this photo was published online, it hit a lot of people in an instant.
The left hand is the mother, the right hand is the father, he has to quit his job to take care of his parents, but he lost his job, where is the money for the family to eat and drink? Moreover, what is even more worrying is that this child cannot be poor, cannot be sick, and cannot fall, as long as he has any mistakes, the parents behind him will face the situation of the old man above. In this day and age, filial piety to parents has become a luxury for only children. Search everywhere on the Internet, how much money is needed to ask a nurse to take care of parents, it is a few thousand, and the following is only the cost of small cities, and large cities are more expensive.
Those only children who work outside the home, their monthly salary is just enough to pay the caregiver, and sometimes it is not enough. This, again, without getting sick. There was a previous article titled "Middle Age in Beijing Under the Flu" that hit countless people. In Beijing, there are houses and cars, but the father-in-law in the 29 days of illness, a day of 20,000 yuan in ICU expenses, he almost emptied the entire family, but in the end he still failed to save his father-in-law. Parents getting sick is like a time bomb that can blow up their years of effort and savings at any time. "When I go to work, I can't take care of you, and if I take care of you, I can't support this family, and I'm even more afraid that an illness will destroy everything." This is a kind of heartache, but also a kind of helplessness. Now, there are many families that have become 4+2+1 models. Both people are only children, and the pressure of 4 old people and a child is all on them, and it is difficult for them to carry it no matter how hard they try.
It's not a question of how to balance or how to trade off, but a question mark that will never be answered correctly. There were thousands of troops and horses in front of him, but there was no one behind him. Who can understand the pressure of an only child? Parents are old, children are still young, and when they open their eyes, they are surrounded by people who rely on themselves, but they can't find a person they can rely on. So they can only walk alone in the dark. Some people in zhihu asked: When an only child grows up, two parents raise one person, and how much pressure is it for them to support their parents alone when they become adults? The answer of the highest praise @ Truman Zisheng is as follows:
When I saw this problem, I was paying my father in a nursing home.
8984 yuan, only the cost of handing over to the nursing home, excluding medical expenses of 2000 yuan, excluding toilet paper, pads, excluding fruits and snacks, and if you encounter a sudden illness hospitalization, the cost is not capped. This is the 17th month of my father's residency in a nursing home. But it has been 12 years since someone in the family who was seriously ill in bed. And this burden has been on me for 8 years. The War of Resistance Against Japan was fought for 14 years, and the War of Liberation was fought for only 3-4 years. But this life has lasted for me for 12 years. Judging from the numbers he accurately described, I knew that he was walking with a mountain on his back and could understand his pain and suffering. Because it is not someone else's parent, but their own parent; because they have nothing else to rely on but on themselves; so we cannot sit idly by and carry it up.
I remember when my father-in-law was hospitalized last year, I used to stay in Xiangya Hospital for a few days in a row. In the next bed is an old man who is completely unable to take care of himself, and even the and urine need to be poured by others. All this is her only daughter taking leave to take care of here, and there is no complaint or regret. I remember one time when the old man's condition suddenly worsened and he needed to be transferred to a hospital bed immediately, which meant that it cost more money and the daughter needed to take longer leave. The old man cried vigorously and said sorry to his daughter, sorry to let her worry, sorry to let her take leave to spend money, and even more sorry that she only gave birth to such a daughter. And the girl heard her father say this, and in an instant she cried, she said it was okay, this is what she should do. Seeing the father and daughter crying together, I immediately went out and hid. To this day, that scene still impresses me. Mourn your parents, give birth to me. It was the father who gave birth to her and raised her, how could he blame her, how could he resent it? There is no antidote to the suffering of life. Carrying means being together, resisting and not regretting. There is a saying that goes well: the most regrettable thing in life is that the tree wants to be quiet and the wind is not stopping, and the son wants to raise and not to be kissed. For the only children, as long as they still have the ability and energy, they must give unreservedly, so that in the future, when facing their conscience, they can at least say that I have tried my best, and I will not regret it.
Now, the state has become aware of the problem of only children, and 28 provinces have urgently introduced one-child care leave the day before yesterday.
But that's not enough. Only when individuals and society push together will this problem be slowly improved. This is the best of times, but also the worst of times, this is the dilemma of this generation of only children, and it is also the dilemma of this era. It needs us in our time to break the game together. Finally, may all parents in the world be able to rely on the old age, and may all children in the world be able to calmly and calmly accompany their parents through this life.