On December 10, in Hengyang, Hunan Province, a 13-year-old dirty little boy had been away from home for nearly a month.
He lived in the bridge cave, and every day he picked up vegetable leaves and put them in old iron boxes, set up a fire and burned them to eat. There were well-meaning people who gave him food, and he didn't accept it either.
It is understood that he did not want to go home because his parents beat him and scolded him and his parents were divorced.
Parents divorce, dividing the only parent in the eyes of the child into two, so that the child feels abandoned by the parents, appearing lonely and redundant.
Cecilia Cheung, as a star with unlimited scenery, has a gambling-obsessed underworld big brother father, a mother who is natural and does not like children.
After her parents divorced, her father was out fighting and killing every day, and her mother only cared about going around in circles with men, and she and her brother had no one to take care of.
In order to take care of her brother, she went to work in bars and restaurants at a young age, and in order to look "very charlatan, not good to bully", she learned to smoke and swear.
The love that her parents could not give, she was redeemed by being a "mother" to her brother. Under the continuous payment and continuous sacrifice, she can have a sense of identity that is needed by others, and can she feel safe and happy.
She once said in an interview: "I buy a lot of houses and cars because my family is too much. ”
The famous writer Sandak said: "Do not despise the fears and insecurities of childhood, they will accompany people throughout their lives." ”
"Home" is synonymous with warmth and safety, and if the home is filled with indifference and decay, the child can only be destroyed day and night.
The excuse of fear of children being hurt puts an unbreakable knot on a broken marriage. There are many parents who are already strangers, and they still maintain the personality of a loving couple in front of their children.
"Strange Story" has a sadistic topic: "Couples who are determined to divorce, do they insist until the end of the child's college entrance examination?" ”
The debate brought in 50 "parent representatives" and 50 "young children representatives".
The initial votes of parent representatives almost all chose "wait until after the child's college entrance examination" to consider divorce.
The reason for the mothers is that the children are still young, the endurance is small, they cannot accept divorce, and the decline in academic performance delays the college entrance examination.
But the children disagree: since the decision to divorce is no longer necessary; they have the right to know the truth; the college entrance examination cannot determine a person's life's fate.
The loving husband and wife design firmly maintained by parents is only a self-touching sacrifice, and does not think from the perspective of the child, and the collapse of the human design hurts the child's heart even more.
In a false marriage relationship, parents are more likely to lose control, quarrel and shirk responsibility, and children are more difficult to focus on learning in such an indifferent environment, and they cannot grow healthily physically and mentally.
Cai Kangyong said: "The true meaning of children's learning is always a demonstration given by parents. What kind of life you live in the family, what kind of children will be there. "
False love will only bring harm to the child, so whether to end the marriage should not be used as an excuse for the child.
Parents love their children, and children love their parents, and they love their parents even more.
For children, the happiness of parents is more important than the integrity of the family.
Jing Tian talked about her parents in the "Amazing Sister" program, when she was a child, she often quarreled, even fighting, but has not been divorced, noisy and entangled for decades, her parents divorced.
In the interview, she said that her parents' quarrel caused her a lot of damage, and she supported her parents' divorce.
The famous American psychologist Roland. Miller, in Intimate Relationships, through a large number of data studies, shows:
In families with very high parental conflicts, if they are forced to be complete, the child's subjective happiness is reduced to negative. If divorced, the child's happiness will pick up.
The wedding feast is broken, the separation of parents is not the most cruel, and the parents quarrel and tear over and over again is the most torturous.
A warm and safe "home" is the soil that children need most to grow.
Virginia Satya, an American master of family therapy, once said: If you don't have a good marriage, at least you have to have a good divorce.
Divorce is not difficult, and it is rare how to maintain the child's easy to hurt heart.
In "Goodbye Lover", Ni Ping asks Zhang He and Guo Keyu how they talked about divorce with their children.
Zhang He said to casually invite the child to a meal, Yun said lightly, do not let the child feel very serious, tell the child that divorce in this era, is just a matter of choice. He knew the child already knew, but chose to pretend not to know.
As long as parents can divorce well and let the child correctly understand the divorce, the trauma in the child's heart can be minimized.
"The Road Few People Walk" said: "The love of parents determines the quality of family education. An education full of love brings luck, and an education without love can only lead to misfortune. ”
A little boy in Indonesia took the theme of "Mom and Dad Divorced" and drew cartoons that spread all over the Internet.
The content of the comic is his own story:
Before the age of 6, dad, mom, he, a family of three loved each other, just like thousands of ordinary families in this world.
But I don't know from what day, the disputes between mom and dad are more and more frequent, more and more frequent.
Couples in love exhaust the last bit of warmth in the quarrel, and they choose to divorce.
He was afraid that his parents would divorce him, but his parents told him that he didn't have to worry and didn't have to choose who to live with.
After the divorce, he still lived in the original house, while his mother moved to another house nearby.
Dad played with him during the day and slept with him at night. His mother often came to play with him, taking him to eat food and buy new clothes.
From time to time, his parents also took him abroad to travel and shop.
When asked him "what it's like to live in a broken family as a child," he said, "They're just no longer each other's husbands and wives, but they're still my mom and dad." I prefer my life now than before, because they finally no longer have only quarrels and tears between them. ”
When someone asked him if he wanted Mom and Dad to get back together, he said, "No." Because I want them all to be able to be happy. ”
At the end of the comic, he wrote: "Mom and Dad, thank you for giving birth to me;
Thank you, be my best parents, you will always be the first in my heart. ”
Marriage from love to the end of the road, in order to be happy for each other can not be divorced, please tell the children:
Although the marriage is dissolved, the love for you is never absent;
Although your parents are divided into two, the heart that loves you will always be more and not less.