I bet that's the mother's day gift you want the most!

Happy Holidays, old mothers!

The other day I saw a topic: At what stage does a woman grow the fastest?

One of the high praises replied: The fastest time for a woman to grow is after becoming a mother.

Many mothers will grit their teeth and force themselves to grow rapidly after having children, driven by self-doubt and self-blame, just to respond to the "mom"!

But you don't have to!

As the mother of the two babies, I would like to tell you a word today, how I turned my yaw self back! (Some things, really have to live one more to see more clearly)

When you don't have self-burning giving

You don't have a sense of sacrifice that is too wronged

If you don't cover your child with a quilt, he will get cold.

If you don't add clothes to your child, he will catch a cold.

If you don't make the food your child loves, he will be malnourished.

Without supervising the child's learning, he will be left behind.

Without managing the child's behavior, he will learn badly.

We dare not relax for a moment on all kinds of problems in parenting and education.

Many mothers anxiously feel that their children's growth is only once, and they are afraid that they will miss the critical period and leave regrets that are difficult to make up.

When I was raising CC before, I was also this mentality.

Pulling out her heart and lungs, I almost took out all my blood and energy, and I couldn't hear her crying, I couldn't see her grievances, and I couldn't stand the hurt she suffered a little bit.

CC first fever, high fever 39 degrees +, even burned for 3 days, the whole family panicked a batch, every night I got up N times, measured the temperature again and again, hot a little quickly opened, cool a little quickly covered.

Watching the sick and crying baby looking for her mother, and I had to go out to work, at that moment, I was really sad enough to resign and take the baby at home.

But since having DD, the old mother who has been practicing for more than 5 years has long wanted to open.

DD first fever, the old mother calmly diagnosed: a young child with a rash, a high fever for three days, a fever that recedes, a rush and no way, just ... Wait until he's done.

I often go to bed in the middle of the night, forget to take his temperature, and then I may burn several times at night without knowing it, confused and not too high, and continue to sleep.

Get up in the morning to go to work, the old mother weighed it left and right, at home can not change his course of illness, but it is better to go to work to change the mood, so, give the baby a hug, a kiss, and then calmly go to work.

When CC was a child, it was unimaginable, and there was no need for outsiders to say to me that I was not responsible, and I myself could be ashamed to feel that I was not worthy of being a mother!

Is that no longer in love?

Every child is a mother's treasure!!

It's just that I understand that "excessive giving" doesn't really mean anything to the child, it will only aggravate the old mother's sense of sacrifice, and in turn, want to return more.

I didn't give DD as much self-burning effort as CC when I was a kid, but I also didn't have as much impatience with DD as a kid at CC.

When CC is too tiring, I often have a little person in my head who says:

"I've paid so much for you... I've been so good to you... I have given in and tolerated you like this, I have never done this to others in my life, why do you ??? ”

But in the face of DD, this little man never came out again.

Raising children is a long-term work, and mothers do not have to have too much sense of sacrifice, and there will not be too many negative emotions, which is the most economical choice.

Mom didn't do a good job

Only children can judge

A few days ago, I brushed a news that a Shanghai mother knocked on the door in the early morning to ask for fever medicine.

Originally it was fraternal mutual help under the epidemic, but the comments were distorted, and some keyboard heroes jumped out to accuse:

, I don't have a fever reducer at home.

This argument is really speechless.

In the state of home isolation for dozens of days, there is no scarce material such as fever reducer at home, is it not very normal?

When the mother does not plan ahead and prepare more medicine, should she write a pen to criticize it?

We always can't help but use the standard of a good mother in the world, self-comparison, in fact, whether the mother is good or not, only the child can judge.

The girlfriend often traveled a while ago, and the mother-in-law complained with a full stomach, and she herself felt guilty that she had neglected the child.

The result? Talking to the child about this, the child said:

"Mom, I think you're awesome right now.

I told my classmates that my mom could fly in the sky. They envy me!

Although you spend less time with me, you are still the best mother in my heart. ”

There are many ways to be a good mother, one is to take care of everything personally, and the other is to firmly live the way you expect it.

Remember Wang Yaping, the mother of "picking stars"?

She went on a business trip to space, and it was half a year.

Before leaving, Wang Yaping once assigned a task to his daughter: "During the time when your mother travels to space, you must take good care of yourself, take good care of your grandmother and grandfather with your father, and study well." ”

The daughter nodded vigorously and gave her mother a task: "I want the stars in the sky, you pick a star for me to come back!" ”

After half a year, returning to the earth safely, Wang Yaping took out the stars prepared in advance and handed them to the children, and the mother and daughter hugged each other tightly, and there were tears flashing in their eyes.

Usually, Wang Yaping's training tasks are very heavy, and all aspects of her daughter are taken care of by her family, but this does not affect the feelings between mother and daughter.

Moms have their own pursuits, have their own preferences, and sometimes they can't control their temper, and there are times when they are careless and make mistakes. Children can touch the texture and texture of life from the real mother.

You live a better version of yourself, which is the best example for your children.

Raising children, our eyes should be at least 20 years later.

A child's childhood is very important, but when you look back at your childhood and think of your parents at the age of 20, what is important is not,, milk, not eating and drinking Lasa, but the light that parents shine into their hearts at those important spiritual moments!

Being bullied and protected, a long-read wish of a parent who helped to fulfill it, going to a certain place to play too much fun...

Mother's proper Buddhist lineage

It can also promote the growth of children

"God can't be everywhere, so He created Mom." I don't know who said this "great" word.

But I know that if my mother believes it, it will be miserable.

We don't need to be omnipresent.

Children will not take more detours or go astray so easily.

Raising two babies, unit time accumulated for 10 years, I understand a truth, each child has its own temperament characteristics, growth trajectory.

Many times, the ubiquity of parents is nothing more than a kind of painting snake.

In fact, every parent has an invisible ruler in their hearts, silently measuring their children with their own standards, and correcting them according to their own wishes.

But then, I had a second child, CC's personality is bold and bold, DD's personality is cautious and slow, which is better?

Am I going to draw a line between my own secret standards and correct the qualities that are not good enough in each child?

There is really no need, after having two children, I am more clear that the most important thing in parenting is matching, not correcting.

I slowly learned about the so-called "rule by doing nothing".

The sisters and brothers grabbed the sugar, the sister refused to give it to the younger brother, the younger brother grabbed it, ran into my arms after the robbery, and the sister wanted to come and grab it again.

I said in a fair spirit, "You want to give your brother a little bit, this is to buy two people to eat together." ”

My sister said, "I picked this myself, I just want to eat it myself, I don't want to give it to her." ”

I think my sister is a bit unreasonable, after all, I bought everything? When I bought it, I didn't say that I bought it specifically for her.

So by what I thought was fair, the decision was to "divide the sugar in two, one person in half."

My sister didn't dry it and cried.

What I didn't expect was that DD didn't do it, he resolutely refused to pick up and eat, saying "My sister is crying, give it to my sister, I don't want it."

I insisted that "you can ask for it, this sugar can be eaten by two people", no matter how I persuaded, he didn't want it, put it in his hand, and returned it.

Leaving me in the same place to ponder: my sister's personality is so fierce, everything must be fought for, but how is it good?

I also wondered: My brother's heart is so soft, he takes the initiative to give up when he sees others crying, but how is it good?

In the end, I was helpless, I gave all the sugar to my sister, the sister conscience found, and then took the initiative to share it with my brother, and also divided him one more, the sisters and brothers changed their faces for a second, happy to share the sugar to eat.

The younger brother tolerated the thorny sister, and the tolerant sister let down her guard and gave her true heart to her brother.

Leaving me where I was, I realized that raising children is not only the rules, but also the human heart.

There are thousands of people in this world, thousands of personalities, which one is well raised, some people are fierce characters to maximize their advantages, will not be bad?

Raise children as they are, not as I wish.

Parents only need proper guidance, and too much intervention will be counterproductive.

Write at the end:

Scientists have done an experiment: by interfering with food sources, the mother monkeys are nervous and anxious.

The children of these female monkeys do not have to worry about not getting food, but they will produce the same high levels of nervous hormones as their mothers, and they will grow into adult animals with high fear and low social ability.

The mother's emotional anxiety and instability are very harmful to the child.

Psychologist Winnicott said: The healthy growth of children does not require the best mother, as long as a good enough (good enough) mother can be.

What are the standards for being good enough?

Neither completely ignore the child nor engage in a moral crusade against oneself.

You can devote yourself to it and you can retreat from it.

In fact, it is enough to provide children with basic living conditions, a positive growth environment, and meet the needs of children with 70 points.

The remaining 30 points leave room for your own life.

We are happy and the family will be more harmonious!

One hundred points is really not necessary, seventy points is just right.

It's Mother's Day, so remember to remind yourself: Lie down once in a while!