Being a mother means being "selfless", but if you want to be a better mother, you need to be a little more "selfish".
Author | Maple
Recently watched a blogger's sharing, the heart is full of mixed feelings.
A 29-year-old bao mom, in order to better plan her life, prepared for the examination in addition to working with the baby, and scored a high score of 417 and successfully landed.
But after surviving countless nights, the dawn was in front of her, but she chose to give up graduate school.
Why?
The reason is simple – she can't let go of the child.
"Now is the time when children need their mothers."
"I couldn't take him to school, and no one helped me see him during the day."
"If I go to school, he'll have to wait for me at home for week after week."
The left hand is the child, the right hand is the future.
In this dilemma, she chose to sacrifice herself for the sake of her children and for the sake of her family.
But to become a mother, do you have to give selflessly?
Does loving children mean that everything must be valued by children?
I once saw a master's mother crying in Tieba:
"What am I doing not for him?" He eats, wears, and uses him, and for him, I quit my job, but he hates me..."
It turned out that since the birth of her son, she quit her high-paying job and started a full-time mother at home.
In order to save money for her son's various training courses, she curbed her love of beauty, wore the cheapest clothes, and used the cheapest cosmetics;
In order to have time to learn her son, she stopped practicing yoga and lost her profession.
Until once my son got good grades in the exam, but he swallowed and did not want her to go to the school for a parent-teacher conference.
Why, she asked?
The son blurted out:
"Every day's mother is fashionable, Xiaoxuan's mother can drive, and Hehe's mother position is high and earns a lot."
Only you will do some housework, and every day the light will stare at me like a resentful woman.
I don't want you to go to school and embarrass me. ”
Word by word, it slammed her heart.
A mother who sacrifices everything for her children ends up getting the contempt of her children.
In the message area, many mothers also broke down in tears:
"At the age of 36, he resigned from home to take care of his baby for more than 3 years, and took good care of the family every day, in exchange for only the indifference and disregard of his husband."
"There are no years of quiet, only the physical and mental exhaustion and helplessness of a chicken feather."
"All year round, no socializing, no income, I'm on the verge of collapse."
......
There are too many mothers who sacrifice their careers, their happiness, and pay unconditionally for their families and children.
But in the end, not only did he make himself anxious and exhausted, but he also did not get the approval of his family.
I remember teacher Zhang Defen said:
"When a woman brushes her sense of existence on the family and loses herself, it is always the child who is happy, I am happy, and in the end she will live very hard." 」
If the mother's eyes are only children and loses herself, then the identity of "mother" brings only heavy shackles.
A mother who gives up on herself is difficult to live a transparent and happy life.
There is a sentence in the book "The Man Who Lights up the Stars":
"When you stop staring at one place, you'll find that there are a lot of beautiful things in the world."
The mother's eyes are no longer only staring at the child, and the little luck in life will come unexpectedly.
A few days ago, I happened to read the story of 3 new era mothers, and I was deeply touched.
I would also like to condense their story into 3 sentences for my mothers:
1. Being a good mom never means sacrificing yourself
On April 16, the Shenzhou 13 manned spacecraft returned to Earth safely.
As The first female astronaut in China to carry out the capsule activities, Wang Yaping has received great attention.
After landing on the ground, she hugged her 5-year-old daughter tightly, and a sentence full of affection "The mother who picked the stars is back" touched countless people.
In Wang Yaping, I saw my mother's different way of living:
Love children and don't give up on your pursuits.
Wang Yaping admitted that in order to realize his space dream, he missed too much growth of his daughter:
The first time I went to kindergarten, the first time I opened a parent, the first time I had Children's Day...
Sometimes, when my daughter thinks of crying, she can only look at her from a distance across the fence.
The good news is that the daughter never complained about her mother.
She may not understand the profession of astronaut or her mother's life experience, but she knows that what her mother has to do is sacred and worthy of her pride.
Every time she saw Wang Yaping's picture, she said with great pride: "Look, this is my mother." ”
If you know that your mother is going home, no matter how late, your daughter will wait, give her mother slippers, and wait for her mother to sleep;
On her birthday, her daughter's birthday wish is: I wish my mother a safe and smooth ride in space.
And Wang Yaping also guarded his daughter in his own way:
Before the expedition, Wang Yapingte took his daughter to watch the movie "Proxima Centauri", which told the story of female astronauts, and in this way, let her daughter understand the fact that her mother would go to space for a long time.
In addition, she also made an agreement with her daughter to "pick stars" for her daughter and her classmates to come back.
As a result, on the day she returned, she really fulfilled her promise and handed the "star" to her daughter for the first time.
"Parents and children are only nourishing each other."
Although Wang Yaping's mother and daughter spent very little time together, their hearts were very close.
In fact, a good mother is not sacrificing her career and dreams for her children, but should use her children to improve herself and become a guide for her children.
Mothers strive to live out their own appearance, not only to gain the respect and recognition of their children, but also to give their children the best spiritual nourishment.
2. The most complete parent-child relationship is to achieve oneself while achieving children
Dong Qing admitted in the program "Face to Face" that when she just gave birth to a child, her focus shifted to the child, and she had no time to consider her own development.
At that time, she also doubted whether she could play the role of mother.
Until a word said by a friend made her suddenly enlightened.
"What kind of person you want your child to be, you just have to become that kind of person yourself."
Indeed, the mother is the best model and role model for the child.
Just like the "Queen of Race Walking" Liu Hong.
After giving birth, she enjoyed the sweetness of a new mother while eager to return to the track.
But there are also people around who constantly question:
A woman, so old, is it not good to take care of the family, do you want to do this for a lifetime?
After hesitating and wandering, she finally listened to the call of her heart.
6 months after giving birth, she began weaning, losing weight and resuming training.
With her daughter and husband, she played seven games a year in 7 cities.
Finally, at the 2019 National World Championships, Liu Hong won the championship in one fell swoop and broke the world record!
In 2021, at the age of 34, she won the bronze medal in the women's 20 km race walk at the Tokyo Olympic Games, 1 gold and 2 bronze in the 4 Olympic Games, and she and Gong Lijiao became the first person in Chinese athletics.
She said:
"I especially hope that my daughter will witness my dream-chasing path and make her proud of me."
At this time, the identity of the mother is no longer her weakness, but her hard armor.
The little girl saw her mother moving forward for her dream, and she was not willing to show weakness.
She would boldly try the ring in the training room, and she would climb to the top in one go while the family was climbing.
The gesture of the hand shows a much stronger endurance and willpower than the average child.
The mother is a guiding light in the child's life:
The mother is positive, and the child will be sunny and cheerful;
If the mother is indomitable, the child will strive to be strong;
The mother insists on chasing the dream, and the child does not give up lightly.
This is the most complete parent-child relationship - both mother and child grow together and achieve each other.
3. The mother has a full and magnificent life, and only then can the child have a bright and distant future
For a long time, the famous host Yang Lan has been confused:
Can a working woman be a good mother?
After giving birth to a son and a daughter, she has been busy with her career, and every time she packs up and prepares for a business trip, she feels that she has done something particularly sorry for her child.
She will always ask the child:
Does Mom travel too much? Shouldn't it be reduced a little? Do you feel like your mother doesn't care about you?
To this end, Yang Lan specially consulted mothers with successful parenting experience and found that they all have a common feature:
Never forget your own growth.
As a result, she no longer tangled, worked without distraction, and kept absorbing knowledge and breaking the comfort zone.
She remains curious about new areas and strives to push the boundaries of her career.
In order to have a deeper understanding of AI, she read no less than 40 related books.
When she took the baby, she was single-minded, and when she returned home, even if she was tired and busy, she had to take time to communicate with the child.
In the face of every little thing of the child, she is not sloppy or perfunctory.
When she misses the child's important moment for some reason, she frankly speaks out about the difficulties and gains the child's understanding.
In this way, the child is no longer a resistance to her growth path, but a driving force for her to keep moving forward.
Under her subtle influence, a pair of children are also exceptionally good, exuding a calm and calm temperament in the crowd.
At a young age, my daughter knew how to feel sorry for her mother, and always gave her mother the first handmade works she made.
The son is down-to-earth and studious, not arrogant, and was admitted to Columbia University with excellent results, and the mother and son have become alumni.
A good education is silent.
Mothers do not give up their dreams and strive for a full and magnificent life, and children will naturally follow in the footsteps of their mothers and create a bright and distant future.
There is a thought-provoking sentence in Mother's Evolution:
"Everyone's life is precious, not just children, but we too.
The more we cherish and love our lives, the more we can inspire our children and those around us to live meaningful, purposeful, and rewarding lives. ”
Every mother is first herself, and then whose mother.
The identity of the mother is never a stumbling block in life, as long as you want, it will add a lot of bright colors to your life.
Click "like it", may the mothers remove the layers of shackles on their bodies, live a light and real appearance, and give their children the best guidance.