In modern families, the phenomenon of generational parenting is not uncommon.
However, it is different from the past:
Nowadays, grandma has become the main force with the baby, brush enough sense of existence, grandma is "invisible", especially before the child goes to primary school (before the age of 6), this phenomenon is more common, why is this?
The pictures in this article are all derived from the network, and the pictures and texts are irrelevant
"After the child was born, I called my mother over to help bring ..."
After Ke Xin gave birth to the baby, the mother-in-law once kindly offered to help with the child, at the beginning, Ke Xin was still grateful, but after a long time, she found that something was wrong.
For example, in breastfeeding, she pursues "feeding on demand", the baby needs to feed as much as she needs, and will not be fed again; but the mother-in-law insists on "feeding more", Xiaobao has turned her head and is unwilling to eat, and the mother-in-law also let Kexin continue to feed breast milk.
On this topic, Ke Xin deliberately looked for her mother-in-law to talk, mentioning that parenting experts said that the stomach capacity of infants and young children is limited, and feeding too much is easy to hurt the spleen and stomach, or "on-demand feeding" is more reasonable.
But the mother-in-law insisted that what the expert said may not work, and that she has more experience in taking children herself.
The two not only had an argument on this matter, but also did not give in to each other in other small matters, and the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, who were originally harmonious, suddenly became estranged, which made Ke Xin very uncomfortable.
After that, she told her mother about this matter, and her mother was worried that her daughter was angry alone, so she proposed that it was better to discuss with her mother-in-law, and if she really couldn't do it, she would change herself to bring the baby.
Ke Xin mentioned to her mother-in-law that night the idea of "wanting her mother to come and help" and said that her mother-in-law took good care of herself and did not let her mother come because of disgust. Fortunately, the mother-in-law is still quite enlightened, and she does not want to have friction with her daughter-in-law, so she agreed to this matter.
After the mother came, Ke Xin's happiness index rose sharply, at least the questions could be boldly raised, and the mother and daughter also had a deal to discuss, not to be estranged. And the mother-in-law's side, when she has time, she will come to see, and the family is obviously much more harmonious.
Perhaps due to the particularity of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, many women hope to be taken care of by their mothers after giving birth, until the children go to primary school, and then the mother-in-law will take over.
Experts also believe that this approach actually has merit, and the ending is often happy.
Before the child goes to primary school, the grandmother has more advantages with the baby
1. Avoid contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
The period after women give birth is the peak of the outbreak of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflicts, and the two are particularly prone to friction over parenting problems. In fact, this point can be understood, after all, the two sides stand on different positions.
Women experience fertility, physical hormone disorders, coupled with a temporary difficulty in adapting to the transformation of identity roles, as well as daily trivial parenting problems, resulting in women's emotional sensitivity and prone to postpartum depression.
This is when they need to be given more patience, tolerance and love.
There is still a certain difference between mother-in-law and mother-in-law, they may stand more in the perspective of grandchildren (daughters), easy to ignore the feelings of daughter-in-law, over time, it is easy to appear mother-in-law contradictions.
Especially before the child goes to primary school, the child's self-care ability is limited, food, clothing, housing and transportation have to worry about, the family will give more attention, if the grandmother to intervene, in fact, it is easy to cause family conflicts.
And if the grandmother comes to bring, the grandmother "hidden", so that you can effectively avoid the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and even if the parenting concept of the two generations is different, but after all, it is the mother and daughter, the communication is more convenient, and the family relationship is naturally more harmonious.
2. It is conducive to the growth of children
Before the child is six years old, it is time to make rules. At this time, it is necessary for the family to be able to unite the front and keep the general direction of educating the child consistent, so that the child can grow better.
If there are "different voices" in a home, and they argue with each other endlessly and are unwilling to give in to each other, then the child may not know who to listen to, and in the end it is not conducive to personal improvement, and does not know where the principles and bottom lines are.
If in this critical period, the grandmother will help to take the baby, she will stand in a relatively fair position, at least with the daughter, so that the child can receive the education of young parents.
If it is a mother-in-law, she may want to compete for the "right to speak" and intervene in the education of her children, which can easily lead to difficulties for young parents to correct.
However, this statement is not necessarily absolute, after all, each family's mode of getting along is different.
3. It is conducive to the harmony of husband and wife
Whether the husband and wife are harmonious or not, the child is the couplant.
Especially before the child goes to primary school, the focus of the couple's life is on the child, if there is a disagreement in parenting, it is often easy to lead to problems in the relationship between the husband and wife.
If there is a grandmother to help from it, one can reduce the pressure of the mother, so that the mother has a channel to vent her emotions and say her true thoughts, so that the negative emotions can be alleviated, and the pressure of the husband will be much less.
Second, there is a mother-in-law sitting in the family, the husband will be relatively restrained, intentionally or unintentionally help the wife to do more things, which will help promote the harmony of the husband and wife's feelings.
In addition, there is another advantage of grandma and baby: that is, let the child's childhood memory have the existence of grandma and grandpa, this emotional memory makes them remember, and when they grow up, they will often go to see them and walk around more.
【Summary】
All in all, before the child is six years old, it is not harmful for grandma to brush a little more of a sense of existence, but there is one thing to pay attention to: generational parenting should avoid spoiling children and do not know how to measure.
The child's education problem, after all, still depends on their own parents to teach, the elderly try not to interfere too much, so that the family will be more harmonious Oh ~ ~