Parents like self-disciplined children, and they don't have to worry much about it, so they can properly arrange their own learning and life.
But self-discipline is not innate, but needs parents to help their children develop, and constantly support and encouragement.
Positive words from parents awaken a strong internal drive for children
The ancients had clouds: "A good word is three points warm, and a bad word is cold in June." ”
The premise of cultivating children to develop self-discipline is that parents should use positive words to awaken their children's strong internal driving force.
The three major factors that influence intrinsic drive include competence, autonomy, and belonging. Specifically, the child believes that he has the ability to do it, the child wants to do it independently, and the parents believe that the child can do it, and give support and affirmation.
If in life and learning, parents often yell at their children, accuse or humiliate and belittle their children, they will make their enthusiasm for learning frustrated, and it is easy to doubt their self-worth and become unconfident, sensitive and anxious over time.
Only when the child believes that he can do it and has a sense of strength will he have enough courage to do it and become more disciplined. This courage and recognition of self-worth is the foundation of children's self-discipline, which comes directly from the love and affirmation of parents.
Help your child recognize and manage time
Wen Jie is a boy who is not very active, and what time to do every day needs to be reminded by his parents repeatedly, so Wen Jie's academic performance has not been good.
In fact, many children who are not self-disciplined are likely to be unable to manage time.
If you want your child to have a sense of time, some time management tools are indispensable, such as Pomodoro. The use of the Pomodoro method can allow children to combine work and leisure to cultivate self-discipline and concentration.
Set a Pomodoro to focus on one thing, the duration is usually 10-25 minutes, which can be set according to the child's situation, but generally no more than 25 minutes.
After each Pomodoro ends, a short break of 5 minutes is performed; after each 3-4 Pomodoros, there is a long break of 30-60 minutes.
If the child is distracted in the middle of the way, it means that this Pomodoro is invalid and starts another Pomodoro again.
It's a constantly challenging process that requires encouragement and support from parents, and even if a Pomodoro fails, don't scold your child.
At the same time, parents can let their children see how many Pomodoros they have completed every day, have a clearer perception of the effective use of time, and have a greater sense of accomplishment and self-discipline.
In addition, time management tools such as alarm clocks, timers, and hourglasses can also help children develop a perception of time and become more self-disciplined.
Encourage children to write their own life and study schedules
Don't have too many deliberate norms and requirements for children, and getting better than once is progress.
Parents should encourage their children to make their own life and study schedules, such as what time to get up in the morning, what to go to bed at night, what to do every day, how to arrange learning, what time to start writing homework every day, and what time to complete homework.
At this time, we often find that even if the child has set a schedule, he will not be able to stick to it. When the child appears this phenomenon, it does not mean that the child is unwilling to do it, but has not yet developed the habit of independence.
In this regard, parents should never deny their children, but should be more patient in guiding, leading, accompanying and encouraging children. At the same time, the plan that the child can do will continue to be retained, and the difficulty of the failure will be appropriately reduced.
For four consecutive weeks, you can develop your child's basic self-discipline ability.
Bitter before sweet, learn to delay gratification
Nowadays, many children are addicted to mobile games and short videos, because these things can make people get instant satisfaction and bring happiness, but these happiness is usually temporary and empty.
Addicting to mobile phones will constantly distract children, causing children to be unable to focus on one thing, which is also the biggest enemy of cultivating self-discipline.
As opposed to instant gratification, delayed gratification, the "Marshmallow Experiment" done by Stanford University in the United States from 1966 to the early 1970s is very famous.
The experimenter brought in some children, put a piece of marshmallow on the table in front of the child, and told the child, "If you eat marshmallows now, you can only eat one piece." But if I can wait until I leave and come back to eat, I can get two pieces. ”
Fifteen minutes later, when the experimenter returned to the room again, he found that only a third of the children still had marshmallows in front of them.
In the decades of tracking that followed, the experimenters found that children who were able to get two marshmallows were better in every way and achieved more prominently than those who got one marshmallow.
Delayed gratification refers to the ability to give up immediate gratification and waiting in order to obtain more valuable long-term results, which reflects the child's high self-control and self-discipline.
At the same time, this ability needs to be obtained through appropriate practice and continuous accumulation, for example, parents can let their children complete their homework first, and then do what they like, and internalize the principle of "bitter before sweet" into a habit.
Parents are the best teachers and partners
The opposite of self-discipline is laziness and procrastination. Laziness is human nature, not to mention children, many adults have the habit of laziness and procrastination in life and work.
Parents are the best teachers, if parents are very self-disciplined, under the subtle influence, children will also become self-disciplined.
If parents are not self-disciplined, it is recommended to become a highly disciplined person with their children through continuous practice and accumulation.
The more self-disciplined, the freer.
If you want to have the most freedom, you must develop the greatest self-discipline. Only self-discipline can achieve a better self. Children with high self-discipline are inseparable from the help of the family and the cultivation of their parents.