It turns out that the previous practice of taking the grandson was wrong! ——The self-description of a Chinese mother-in-law

[Flipping to an article from many years ago, I transferred it to families who are struggling to educate their children.] 】

The youngest grandson, Toby, is 3 years old. After three months in the United States, the way my daughter-in-law Susan taught her children was an eye-opener for me, the Chinese mother-in-law.

Every morning, when Toby woke up, Susan put breakfast on the table and went on her own.

Toby would climb on a stool on his own, drink milk, and eat slices of bread. When he was full, he went back to his room, looked for clothes and shoes in the closet, and put them on himself. After all, Toby is only 3 years old, and he can't figure out the front and back of his socks, and he can't tell the left and right feet of his shoes.

Once Toby put his pants back on again, and I rushed up to help him change them, but Susan stopped him. She said that if he felt uncomfortable, he would take it off on his own and put it back on; if he didn't feel anything uncomfortable, he would do whatever he wanted. All day, Toby ran around in his pants, and Susan didn't look at it.

Once again, Toby went out to play with the neighbor's little friend, and before long he ran home breathlessly and said to Susan, "Mom, Lily said my pants were worn backwards, really?" Lily is a little girl from the neighborhood, 5 years old. Susan smiled and said, "Yes, do you want to change it back?" Toby, took off his pants himself, looked closely, and put them back on. Since then, Toby hasn't worn reverse pants since.

I can't help but think that my granddaughter didn't use chopsticks when she was five or six years old, and she couldn't tie her shoelaces when she was in elementary school. Now that she is in junior high school, she has to take home a lot of dirty clothes every weekend.

@ Hungry without eating

One day at noon, Toby was upset and refused to eat. Susan said a few words to him, and the angry little Toby pushed the plate to the ground, and the food on the plate spilled on the ground.

Susan looked at Toby and said seriously, "It seems you really don't want to eat!" Remember, you can't eat anything from now until tomorrow morning."

Toby nodded and replied firmly, "Yes!" I smiled in my heart, this mother and son, are still quite stubborn!

In the afternoon, Susan and I discussed, and in the evening, I made Chinese food. I understand that Toby especially loves Chinese food, and susan must have felt that Toby did not eat well at noon and wanted him to eat more at night.

That night I cooked and made Toby's favorite sweet and sour tenderloin, stuffy prawns, and Chinese-style cold noodles with pasta.

Toby's favorite thing to eat is that kind of cold noodles, and a small person can eat a large plate full of it.

It was time for dinner, and Toby happily climbed onto the stool. Susan came over, took his plate and knife and fork, and said, "We've made an appointment, you can't eat today, and you yourself promised." Toby looked at her mother with a serious face, "Wow" and cried, "Mom, I'm hungry, I want to eat." "No, what has been said counts." Susan was unsupportive.

I was heartbroken and wanted to intercede for Toby and say something nice, but I saw my son make a look at me. I remember that when I first arrived in the United States, my son told me that in the United States, when parents educate their children, others must not interfere, even the elders. Reluctantly, I had to remain silent.

From beginning to end of that meal, poor little Toby sat in the toy car, watching the three of us gobble up. Only then did I understand Susan's true intention of asking me to cook Chinese food.

I'm sure the next time Toby wants to throw a tantrum and throw a job, she will remember her hungry experience watching mom, dad, and grandma enjoy a meal. It's hard to be hungry, and it's still about facing your favorite food.

Before going to bed, I went with Susan to say goodnight to Toby. Toby carefully asked, "Mom, I'm hungry, can I eat Chinese noodles now?" Susan smiled and shook her head, saying firmly, "No!"

Toby sighed and asked, "Can I eat it when I open my eyes after I finish sleep?" "Of course you can." Susan replied gently. Toby smiled sweetly.

For the most part, Toby eats aggressively, and he doesn't want to miss food and suffer from hunger because of "strike eating". Whenever I see Toby eating with his head buried in his mouth and his face sticking to food, I think of my granddaughter. When she was as old as Toby, in order to coax her to eat, several adults ran behind her ass with rice bowls, and she did not buy it, but also talked about conditions: buy a toy after eating this bowl, and then eat a bowl to buy a toy...

@ In its human way, but also to treat its human body

One day, we took Toby to the park to play. Soon, Toby was playing kitchen games with the two girls. Small plastic pots, small shovels, small plates, and small bowls were placed on the ground.

Suddenly, the mischievous Toby picked up the small pot and knocked the head of a girl, and the girl was stunned and cried loudly. The other girl, who was younger, was frightened to cry when she saw this. Probably Toby didn't expect such serious consequences, stood aside, stunned.

Susan stepped forward and asked what was going on, she didn't say a word, picked up the small pot, and knocked Toby's head, Toby was defenseless, and suddenly fell to the grass, and cried. Susan asked Toby, "Does it hurt?" Will it be like this next time? Toby shook his head desperately as he cried. I'm sure he'll never do that again.

@ Build social skills

Toby's uncle gave him a small light blue bicycle, which Toby liked very much, treated it as a baby, and was not allowed to be touched. Lily, a little girl who lives in the house, is a good friend of Toby's and begs Toby several times to ride his car, but Toby does not agree.

Once, when several children were playing together, Lily took advantage of Toby's inattention, secretly rode into the car, and flew away. When Toby found out, he angrily ran to Susan to complain. Susan was chatting and drinking coffee with the mother of several children, and then she smiled and said, "You can solve your own problems, mom can't take care of it." Toby walked away helplessly.

After a short while, Lily came back in his trolley. Toby saw Lily and pushed her to the ground and grabbed the trolley. Lily sat on the ground and cried. Susan picked up Lily and comforted her for a moment. Soon, Lily was happily playing with the other children.

Toby rode for a while himself, feeling a little bored, seeing the children playing so happily, he wanted to join, and felt a little embarrassed. He rubbed up to Susan and muttered, "Mom, I want to play with Lily and them." Susan said quietly, "Then you go find them yourself!" "Mom, you go with me." Toby pleaded. "That's not okay, you made Lily cry just now, and now you want to play with everyone, you have to solve the problem yourself." 」

Toby slowly approached Lily in the trolley, and when he was near her, he turned around again. Several times back and forth, not knowing when it started, Toby and Lily laughed and got into a mess.

@ Discipline your child is a parent's business

Susan's parents live in California and heard I was coming, and the two drove to visit us.

There were guests at home, and Toby was excited, running up and down. He filled the small bucket of water for playing with sand and carried the bucket around the house. Susan warned her several times not to spill water on the floor, but Toby ignored it.

In the end, Toby knocked the bucket down and spilled it on the ground. The excited little Toby didn't think he had done anything wrong, and triumphantly played barefoot and wet his pants. I hurriedly found the mop and prepared to mop the floor.

Susan grabbed the mop from me and handed it to Toby and said to him, "Dry the floor, take off your wet clothes and wash yourself." Toby was reluctant and cried and made trouble. Without saying a word, Susan pulled him straight to the storage room and locked him up.

Hearing Toby's earth-shattering cries inside, I was heartbroken and wanted to go in and take him out. Toby's grandmother stopped me and said, "This is Susan's business."

After a while, Toby stopped crying, and he shouted from the storage, "Mom, I was wrong." Susan stood outside the door and asked, "Do you know what to do?" "I know."

Susan opened the door and Toby came out of the storage room with two lines of tears still on his face. He picked up the mop that had his two heights and dragged the water from the ground with difficulty. Then he took off his pants, put them on his hands, walked into the bathroom bare-buttocked, and washed his clothes in a hurry.

Toby's grandparents looked at me with a surprised expression and smiled meaningfully. I was deeply touched by this incident. In many Chinese families, when parents discipline their children, it often causes "world wars", often grandma and grandfather to protect, grandparents to stop, husband and wife quarrel, chickens flying dog jump.

Later, when I was chatting with Toby's grandparents, I mentioned this matter, and Toby's grandfather said something that impressed me.

He said that children are the children of their parents, and first of all, they must respect the way parents educate their children. A child, though small, is a natural diplomat, and when he sees disagreements between family members, he is clever enough to exploit loopholes. Not only does this not do anything to improve his behavior, but it can lead to more and more serious problems, and even more other problems.

Moreover, conflicts between family members, a discordant family atmosphere will bring more insecurity to children, which will adversely affect the psychological development of children. Therefore, whether there is a disagreement between the father and the grandfather on the issue of educating the child, or the educational concept of the husband and wife is different, there can be no conflict in front of the child.

Toby's grandparents stayed at home for a week and were ready to return to California. Two days before leaving, Toby's grandfather solemnly asked his daughter, "Toby wants a toy excavator, can I buy it for him?"

Susan thought and said, "You've already given him a pair of roller skates as a gift this time, and by Christmas, buy a toy excavator as a gift for him!"

I don't know how Toby's grandfather told the little guy, but then I took Toby to the supermarket, and he pointed to the toy excavator and said, "Grandpa said, at Christmas, buy me this as a gift." The tone was full of joy and anticipation.

Although Susan is so strict with Toby, Toby loves his mother very much. When he was playing outside, he would collect some beautiful little flowers or leaves that he thought were beautiful, and give them to his mother solemnly; when others gave him gifts, he would ask his mother to take them apart with him; and if there was anything delicious, he would always keep half of it for his mother.

Thinking of the indifference and indifference of many Chinese children to their parents, I have to admire my foreign daughter-in-law. In my opinion, on the issue of educating children, American mothers have a lot to learn from Chinese mothers.

If your children are still young, you still have a chance, go and read this article to the elders! Stay and learn slowly!