Recently, I heard many mothers say that their children are too clingy, what should I do? Two-year-olds cling to their mothers and can't do housework. Three- and four-year-olds are still very clingy and not independent at all. Mothers are very irritable while being glued, and at the same time, they are accused by other family members of spoiling their children too much, saying that if you are not at home, the children are fine, they are all spoiled by you.
Mothers are wronged in their hearts, and first of all, I hope that all mothers can see in their hearts the children's need for security. Before birth, the child is wrapped in the mother's warm and comfortable womb and leaves the mother after birth. Facing an unfamiliar world, everything is a challenge for them. Therefore, I hope that mothers can face up to this dependence psychologically and give them a full sense of security.
Some mothers have said, yes, yes, I know what you say, I understand it, and I also feel that I have given my children a lot of security. Why do I feel that my child is a little too much of a sense of security? Why is he always connected to me? I've summed it up for three reasons.
First, by comparing multiple cases, I found that one-third of children had a lack of security because there was no fixed caregiver, and they were either brought by a nanny or a grandmother for a month, and a grandmother with a month. Some children have to be put in foster care after the birth of the second child in the mother's house or the in-laws' house for a period of time and then pick up again. Many adults think that children are enough to eat and wear before the age of two, and ignore that they can only develop their healthy psychology and emotions under the premise of sufficient security. The solution to this is that special times are very useful for children who make up for the lack of security. Accompany your children regularly, regularly, and wholeheartedly, doing what they love to do, for thirty minutes at a time a day.
During this super special time, children feel that they are loved. Mothers do this every day to reinforce this belief in their children. The children know that there is this special date between him and his mother, and naturally they will not seek security by clinging to you, and they will let you go.
Second, once a child is clingy, it is a great test for parents. After patience is worn out, some parents will be impatient, scolding, punishing and even threatening. In this way, the child's fragile heart is suffering a second blow. Think about whether you have ever said something like this, if you don't obey anymore, I won't want you, and if you do this again, I'll give you away. Children are sad when they hear it, do they know what they think in their hearts? Mom and Dad's love for me is conditional, and once I don't obey, they won't love me. I could lose him at any moment, so I made sure he was with me and held me so I would feel safe, it was their inner monologue.
In response to this, the solution is very simple, stop scolding, punishing and effective, to give the child unconditional love, love him to say it out loud, when the child does something wrong, you can say so, baby mother criticizes you, not because the mother does not like you, but the mother does not like the thing you do. Mom still loves you, but Mom hopes you don't do it again next time.
Third, the child sticks to the mother because the mother does too much to replace it, the child does not dare to go forward, and the mother accompanies it. The child will not wear clothes, and the mother will help. The child did not dare to ask his companion to share the toy, and the mother came out. Moms have to let go properly, and your failure to let go will make children doubt their own abilities. Only if you believe that your child can do a good job, he will perform well. If not, then please set a low standard, how about wearing shoes in reverse, only if the child experiences a sense of accomplishment from this matter of independence, will he continue to be independent. Follow me and become better parents together.