After being tricked into marriage for more than twenty years, she collapsed in a look

Author | Shu Xin

Source | The Livings

ID | thelivings

The words "task" and "defiled" stung Ren Qing's nerves, so that more than ten years later, when Ren Qing said these words, he still couldn't help but reflexively tighten his chest and squeeze the blue prison uniform into a ball.

Every year, when the major companies begin to work on the end of the year in December, the law firm is idle, and in the middle and late years, when the court basically no longer files cases.

If there is a case, the lawyer will appear in court, and if there is no case, the director will take the lead in arriving late and leaving early.

On Monday, I went to the law firm to get the information, and when I was about to leave, I was stopped by the director:

"It just so happened that the legal aid center had divided a case, the defendant had not hired a lawyer, and there was still more than a week to go before the trial began.

I looked at it, the facts are very clear, there is no doubt, the difficulty is not great, you look at the information, when the time comes to go to court. ”

The defendant on the data is Ren Qing, 45 years old, a high school biology teacher, who was indicted on charges of intentional homicide, and the victim was her husband.

Judging from the information, Ren Qing has always cooperated with the police investigation, has no intention of arguing, and does not seem to be much touching.

My mind suddenly came up with the image of a calm, rational, and even somewhat cold and numb "strong woman".

But the more you look down at the information, the more confused you become:

It is reasonable to say that Ren Qing has a decent job, a respectable social status, and a son who is about to graduate from a key university, and seems to have a happy and happy life, but she has become a defendant in a criminal case at this age, and she has not hired a defense lawyer.

In normal criminal cases, if the criminal suspect takes the initiative to retain a lawyer, the lawyer can intervene from the investigation stage.

However, in this criminal case, the court assigned him to the Legal Aid Center to find a lawyer, which is generally either because the defendant's financial or status conditions are not allowed and cannot be requested, or for various reasons, he can but does not want to ask.

I understood the director's remark that "there is no difficulty", but for the sake of rigor, I decided to go to the detention center with a meeting letter in the afternoon to confirm that Ren Qing had no other hidden feelings and appeals.

The old town of the caretaker's office is an old building, and the iron door of the meeting room is slightly rusty, and the white walls are also a little yellow.

The meeting room was very simple, with only a table and two chairs, separated by a transparent glass wall.

Ren Qing, dressed in a blue prison uniform, sat behind the glass wall, his handcuffed hands resting firmly on the partition in front of the chair.

Almost as soon as she sat down, she repeatedly said "sorry" to me, saying that she didn't know that the court would also assign you without asking a lawyer, "I'm really sorry for causing you trouble!" ”

I looked at Ren Qing and found that she was very different from the image of a "strong woman" I imagined—she was not tall, thin, with short hair, small goose egg face and a pair of narrow double eyelids.

I don't know whether it is because the appearance is not aggressive or the profession is a teacher, the temperament seems to be very gentle, but the expression on the face is somewhat melancholy.

If I hadn't read the profile in advance, it would have been hard for me to believe that such a woman would kill someone.

I asked Ren Qing if he had any demands or something he wanted to add.

"No, I accept any result, I'm relaxed now." Ren Qing said softly, "Now, I am living for myself every day, although it may not be a few days, but after waiting for so many years, I have finally earned it myself." ”

My heart suddenly surged with a pang of sadness, and I thought:

If Ren Qing could have taken the courage to divorce earlier, he would not have killed her husband to get this sad freedom.

However, I felt that I should not think that way, I was not her, and I did not know what she had experienced.

Since the parties did not have any demands, the meeting could basically be over, but Ren Qing suddenly opened his mouth and asked me if I had time to listen to her say some old things, and the attitude was still very gentle.

For this meeting, I deliberately rushed to the old town, and after completing the formalities, I still lined up in the hall for half an hour, thinking that everyone was coming, and there was nothing else to do at the moment, so I agreed.

After graduating from college, Ren Qing came to the city and became a trainee teacher at a school in the city.

At that time, among the colleagues who worked with her, there was a male teacher named Chen Jianguo, who was 3 years older than Ren Qing, and after less than 1 month of acquaintance, Chen Jianguo launched a fierce pursuit of the beautiful and kind Ren Qing.

Chen Jianguo taught chinese, wrote well, and would send Ren Qing a love poem he wrote every week; in that era, popular fashion was not cheap, but Chen Jianguo would also buy it for her for the first time; Chen Jianguo would wait for Ren Qing every day, pick her up and drop her up and down on time, and be a gentleman with full strength.

Ren Qing grew up in a traditional family, almost in a "high-pressure" environment, compared with her father's strictness, Chen Jianguo's gentle and considerate, endless romance, so that she is very moved.

Soon, Ren Qing "fell" and established a romantic relationship with Chen Jianguo.

After falling in love, Chen Jianguo not only did not slacken off, but was better for Ren Qing, and everyone around him felt that they were a pair made in heaven and earth, and Ren Qing also felt that he had to meet a good person just after entering the society, which was completely lucky.

Not long after, the man's family began to urge marriage, Chen Jianguo is the eldest son in the family, Chen Mother feels that her son's age is not small, should be done as soon as possible in life.

Ren Qing felt a little hasty, Chen Jianguo expressed understanding, saying that he respected Ren Qing's opinion: "My mother's side I went to explain, and when you want to get married, I will ask for marriage for the first time." ”

This respect of the lovers made Ren Qing feel grateful, but Mother Chen did not give up and urged several times in succession.

Ren Qing couldn't bear chen Jianguo being caught between the two sides of the middle, thinking that he had met such a good man, there was nothing to hesitate, "The two have the same heart, what does it matter if they get married one day earlier or one day later?" ”

In this way, after 3 months of love and only half a year of acquaintance, Ren Qing and Chen Jianguo received a marriage license and officially married.

Life after marriage was initially as Ren Qing imagined, plain and warm.

The big and small things in the family, Chen Jianguo let Ren Qing make the decision, he rarely expressed his opinions, for Ren Qing's ideas and practices, Chen Jianguo was very cooperative, only two things he has been unwilling to give in -

First of all, the problem of having children, Ren Qing felt that he was married shortly after graduating from college, the teaching work was not familiar enough, if he immediately became pregnant and gave birth to a child, it was inevitable that he would be more busy, thinking and waiting to want again, but Chen Jianguo wanted to want it immediately, the sooner the better.

He said that his mother had been waiting for a long time to hold her grandson, and since she was married, she should have fulfilled the old man's wishes as soon as possible, and she could also help bring a belt while the old man's legs and feet were convenient.

There is also Chen Jianguo said that husband and wife should trust each other and refuse to use the salaries of the two together: "Anyway, the money must be used at home in the end, we both dispose of our own money, and when we are together, we are bound, there is no need." ”

These two things fulfilled Chen Jianguo's wishes, they each used their own salary, and Ren Qing also became pregnant 2 months after marriage.

The birth of her son Chen Xu made Ren Qing feel that the family was finally complete, but soon after she realized that there was something wrong with her husband:

Chen Jianguo and himself have less and less communication, and sometimes the two at home can't say a few words a day.

Ren Qing tried to bring up any topic, but he was always sent away by Chen Jianguo's three words and two words, and sometimes he was impatient: "I am tired from work for a day, and I want to rest quietly." ”

At that time, Ren Qing felt that it might be Chen Jianguo's father, and the change in identity made him unable to accept it for a while, and at night he helped to breastfeed and coax the children, and he could not keep up with the energy in class during the day, and it was normal to go home and not want to talk.

But after Ren Qing finished sitting confinement and his mother-in-law returned to his hometown, Chen Jianguo proposed to Ren Qing that he wanted to go to the guest room to sleep, and Ren Qing also agreed, thinking that her husband rested well, maybe this dull family atmosphere could be improved.

But since the two people slept in separate beds, Chen Jianguo came home from work every day in addition to eating and playing with his children, and rarely came out of the guest room before going to bed, let alone chatting, and the couple could not even see each other several times a day.

Ren Qing would pour a cup of tea or cut some fruit at the beginning and send it in, but Chen Jianguo was impatient, saying that he was preparing for class and did not want to be disturbed, and after being rejected several times repeatedly, Ren Qing would not go.

That day, when Ren Qing sat behind the glass wall and talked about this matter, he took only a few words, but it may be that the sense of picture is too strong, and my heart is still impacted.

It is conceivable that a woman who was once incomparably pampered by her husband was suddenly snubbed for no reason after giving birth, and that psychological gap may be more sad and helpless than the rejection of her lover.

I once received a divorce consultation, the person just gave birth to the second child, may be a little postpartum depression, mood is not very good.

Usually the husband is very good to her, but the contradiction was particularly impatient, reached out and pushed her, at that time, the party was still holding the child in his arms, although the husband's behavior was not domestic violence, but she was hurt in her heart and decided to divorce.

After the end of the maternity leave, Ren Qing was going to work, the mother-in-law came to help again, the guest room had to be vacated for the elderly, and Chen Jianguo moved back to the bedroom.

In front of his mother, Chen Jianguo will take the initiative to talk to Ren Qing, or a loving couple, but behind the scenes, the relationship between the two is becoming more and more rigid, and the contradictions are more and more.

Ren Qing said that since she became pregnant, Chen Jianguo had never touched her again.

It is not that she did not suspect that her husband was cheating, but the two worked in the same school, if there was something that could not be hidden, and Chen Jianguo went home on time after work, there was really no time for cheating.

Chen Jianguo has changed, how gentle he is when he is in love, and how picky he is after marriage.

When his mother-in-law was there, he never showed his dissatisfaction, but when his mother-in-law returned to his hometown on weekends, Ren Qing's cooking was not appetizing, and he would be angry.

He didn't argue either, he just dropped the chopsticks, pulled the chair apart again, slammed the door, and after a long time, went home with a cold face.

Between husband and wife, the cold war for many years is more hurtful than quarrels and fights, Ren Qing's personality is originally cautious and cautious, even a little timid, and her husband's behavior makes her more and more careful.

She really couldn't understand the reason behind the change, but Chen Jianguo's response was only one sentence: "You think too much, there is no thing, whose family's life is not like this, where are there so many words to say all day?" ”

Ren Qing wanted to say something more, and Chen Jianguo would not take the stubble.

Ren Qing was very depressed, but her colleagues and friends around her did not know it, and they could not stop envying her, saying that their husband and wife were "fairy lovers".

At that time, Ren Qing was still very young, unable to tell others the truth about her marriage, on the one hand, she was ashamed to speak, on the other hand, in the face of the same sex, she also had a bit of vanity, and did not want to become the object of sympathy or laughing stock of others.

This traditional woman does not pursue material enjoyment, nor does she have the luxury of romantic love, only hoping that her husband can end cold violence and not treat her as a transparent person in the family.

In the midst of depression, Ren Qing thought of his mother's family, hoping to get some understanding and help from his mother: "This was the only way for me to ask for help at that time." ”

But she did not expect that after listening to her words, her mother, instead of comforting her, could not stop asking her:

"What is this? Nizi, people have to know enough! Two people living a life, who wants this and that with you? ”

"The founding of the country must have a job, do not prostitute or gamble, put aside the family to say less than two words, why is it a problem?"

"If you live like this, what else do you want..."

Time has passed, and Ren Qing still remembers the way her mother spoke, she said:

Although my mother said that chen Jianguo was already very good at not prostituting or gambling, now that I think about it, even if he prostitutes and gambles, she will probably let me endure."

I didn't understand it at the time, thinking that my mother always hurt me, and I was wrong.

In her opinion, my distress is not worth mentioning, in the words of the literati, it is probably 'useless pretense'. ”

Ren Qing's mother is just a rural woman who can't read big characters, and her understanding of marriage is very simple - marrying a chicken with a chicken, marrying a dog with a dog, but Ren Qing's father is an intellectual, and he should be able to understand his daughter's heart.

After his father experienced the Cultural Revolution, he waited for the opportunity to return to the city after going to the countryside, so he became very old, did not get married for a long time, and finally had no hope of returning to the city, so he had to marry Ren Qing's mother. he

He never looked up to his wife, hated her ignorance and vulgarity, and even felt that it was this rural woman who let her life fall to the bottom and could not turn over.

At home, Ren Qing's father is an absolute authority, when eating, he does not go to the table to bring dishes and chopsticks, Ren Qing and his mother must not eat, otherwise he will be angry.

Ren Qing was strictly disciplined by his father since he was a child, and his homework must be the best, otherwise he will be punished.

Ren Qing said that from childhood to adulthood, the most common sentence she heard was:

"Don't learn from your mother, who can't read big characters, you must not lose my face, if I had not been unlucky at that time, it would definitely not be like this now!"

Ren Qing didn't tell me that day if she had ever told her father about her pain.

I only know that since then, Ren Qing has never confided in others about her private affairs, and she opened her heart to me that day, saying that she once counted: "At the least, [with Chen Jianguo] only said 7 sentences a week." ”

The pain in her heart slowly turned into numbness, and finally, Ren Qing actually got used to it, and without Chen Jianguo to explain, she would tacitly cooperate with him to play a "loving couple" in front of his mother-in-law, relatives and colleagues.

Not because of luck, but because I want to put a veil on this seemingly mysterious marriage and maintain my last dignity as a woman.

However, the peace she tried to hide was completely broken when her son was 5 years old.

At that time, they were preparing to move to a new home, Ren Qing accidentally found a carefully wrapped bag when packing things, she opened it curiously and found that there were 3 books inside, which were Chen Jianguo's diary.

Chen Jianguo's handwriting is still elegant and beautiful, and his diary is full of his love for a person, longing for a person, and the pain of parting.

At first, Ren Qing thought that he was recording his love for another woman, but after reading a few articles, he found that this full of heart was not written for "her", but for "him".

His husband is gay— he falls in love with a male teacher at school, unaware of him, and before Ren Qing came to the school for internship, the male teacher got married and then transferred away.

In an instant, Ren Qing's numb shell was shattered, years of confusion were swept away, and she trembled her hands to turn to the last article, the date was the day when she and Chen Jianguo established a relationship.

Chen Jianguo wrote in his diary:

"It's been a year and a half since you left here, and she promised me today that when I get married and have children, my task for my parents will be completed." Not writing about it later, and writing about my love for you with another woman will tarnish my feelings for you. ”

The words "task" and "defilement" stung Ren Qing's nerves, so that more than a decade later, when she said these words, she still couldn't help but reflexively tighten her chest and squeeze the blue prison uniform into a ball.

Ren Qing said that at first, after reading the diary, he still did not believe in evil and wanted to prove that Chen Jianguo had a little, even a trace of sincerity, toward him.

So she flipped forward in time and found the day when Chen Jianguo wrote a love letter to herself, but what awaited her was a blow to the head.

Chen Jianguo wrote:

"After this month of contact, she has a weak personality and is very suitable for marriage.

The fact that I am gay must not be known, and according to her personality, I guess that even if she knows that I have no feelings for her, she will not be noisy and well-known.

Just her, anyway, you are also married and left here, the family is in a hurry, I will not fall in love with which woman, it does not matter who marries, find a less, in the future I will also be more relaxed ..."

Facts have proved that Chen Jianguo guessed correctly, in the past 5 years of marriage, no matter how painful his heart was, Ren Qing chose to hide it and digest it silently.

That day, Ren Qing sat in his home, which had been in a mess, and cried while reading Chen Jianguo's diary.

She saw her husband's admiration, love, and caution for another man, and she saw her husband's contempt and disgust for herself.

Seeing half of it, I suddenly didn't want to endure any longer, didn't take anything, and rode my bicycle back to my mother's house 15 miles away.

Back at his mother's house, Ren Qing was exhausted and told his parents the original story.

Hearing that his daughter wanted to divorce, Ren Qing's father drank: "What nonsense are you talking about?" divorce? Do you want the neighborhood to laugh at the spine? ”

"He doesn't love women at all, how can I live my life with a man who doesn't love women at all?"

Ren Qing told me that after what her father said, she remembered all her life, word for word.

The father said in front of his mother:

"What love doesn't love?" You are just stupid to read and read, I can't look up to your mother all my life, don't you live most of your life? You'll give me home today, don't even think about divorce, I can't afford to lose this face.

If you dare to leave, don't enter this house in the future, I can't be pointed out because of you, after half a lifetime. ”

Her mother also advised her:

"What love or not, you don't say, no one knows that he likes men, but divorced, people know that you can't keep your own man, will poke your spine and scold you." 」

Besides, you must not think about Xiao Xu? You are divorced, and when the time comes, everyone says that he is a fatherless child, don't you feel sad? Nin, you can't be so selfish..."

On that day, her parents only left RenQing to eat a bowl of noodles, so they urged her to hurry back.

This was the second time Ren Qing went to his mother's house for help, and it was also the last time.

In the meeting room, Ren Qing has always been calm when talking about her past experiences, as if this is not her pain, but some insignificant story of someone else in the distance.

When he got home that day, Chen Jianguo was sitting in front of the 3 spread out diaries, a little nervous, but not particularly frightened, he asked Ren Qing where he had just gone and who he had said anything.

Ren Qing did not answer, bypassed him and entered the house, without mentioning divorce.

Ren Qing said to me with a sigh:

"I was young at that time, scolded by my own father and mother, and then remembered my son, and the courage I had accumulated before was scattered.

I still want to get a divorce, but I don't dare, I'm afraid of rebellion, I'm afraid of my son getting hurt, and I'm afraid of other people's gossip. ”

This matter seemed to have passed like this, chen Jianguo saw Ren Qing's cowardice, and from then on he was even more fearless.

Once, the two returned home from their colleagues' wedding banquet, Chen Jianguo drank a little too much, Ren Qing was afraid that he would fall and helped her, Chen Jianguo pushed her away:

"Don't touch me, every time I touch you it makes you sick to your stomach, you know?" I'm disgusted! ”

"Then why did you marry me, isn't that what you want to marry?"

"If it weren't for having a child, you think I would marry you?" I want to throw up every time I sleep with you! ”

This sentence made Ren Qing completely collapse, and she threw everything she could touch on the ground, screaming to vent the accumulated pain in her heart.

Chen Jianguo just looked at her, frowned and scolded the "crazy mother-in-law", and then entered the guest room.

That day, the mother-in-law took her son Xiao Xu back to her hometown, Chen Jianguo entered the guest room and did not come out again, Ren Qing sat for a while, afraid that after Mother Chen returned, she would see a mess and ask the reason, and then got up again to clean up the house.

"Ever since he saw that I didn't dare to get a divorce and treated me like a free babysitter, cooking unappetizing meals, not washing my clothes, or occasionally not cleaning the house, he looked at me with that disgusted look, as if talking to me was a bargain."

For more than 20 years, I have often asked myself what I have done wrong, why is he so disgusted with me, and what am I sorry for him? ”

Hearing this, I was a little curious - her mother-in-law took Chen Xu to primary school at the age of 7 before returning to her hometown, after which Chen Jianguo moved into the guest room and never lived with Ren Qing again.

They have been living like this for more than 20 years, seeing that their son Chen Xu is about to graduate from college, why would Ren Qing choose to do it at this time?

The case information says that on that day, Chen Jianguo vomited at home after drinking, Ren Qing accidentally touched Chen Jianguo when cleaning, Chen Jianguo kept waving her to roll, Ren Qing also drank some wine, stimulated by that disgusted look, so he started to kill people.

But I always felt that behind this stressful killing, there should be a deeper source of stimulation, so I asked Ren Qing.

She hesitated, as if she had suddenly figured out something, and said slowly, "It's all now, and I don't have a good reputation, so I have nothing to hide." ”

In those two years, online dating was prevalent, and Ren Qing only chatted with those "same wives" who had the same experience as himself in various tieba and dating groups:

"There is really no one around me to say, talk to them, everyone can understand the pain in each other's hearts."

Sometimes listening to other people's things, I still feel that I am luckier than others, at least Chen Jianguo does not gamble or domestic violence, and chen Xu is not bad, but at the beginning of last year, I met him in a city post. ”

Probably in order to protect this man, Ren Qing never said the name of this man from beginning to end, only "he" instead.

He is a restaurant owner, widowed, with a daughter living alone in another district of the city, at first, they only chatted in the forum, and then added WeChat, the man knew renqing's situation, he encouraged her to divorce, and several times wanted to come to her: "I am willing to accompany you to face." ”

Ren Qing was moved- her parents had died, Chen Xu had also gone to college, and the appearance of this man made Ren Qing want to get rid of this depression and pain that had lasted for more than 20 years.

She wanted to live with this man after the divorce, but she never told the other person her address before the divorce was completed—she was afraid that others would know and say that she was cheating in marriage.

Ren Qing and Chen Jianguo proposed a divorce, and she was willing to make concessions for this: their money has always been used separately, there is no economic dispute, and she does not want the house, only saying that the two divorced because of emotional discord.

"He said I dreamed, he couldn't get a divorce, and said that I had to be the daughter-in-law of the Chen family until I died." I asked him why he wouldn't let me go, he obviously likes men, haven't I been in it enough all these years?

He couldn't say enough, whether he liked men or women, from the day I married him, I wouldn't want to leave the house. If I had to leave, he would stink me, and no one would think about it. ”