What qualities do you think are the most important qualities to develop in educating your child?
Those qualities are important in the process of growing up, and I think that in the process of educating children, cultivating the following qualities of children has more benefits for children.
In the book "I Wish My Parents Had Read This Book", a lot of the content is actually the same as the education methods and ideas I have been exposed to, and there is a feeling of being all-encompassing, and I choose three that may subvert the usual cognition to share.
1. Do people have to be happy?
In our cognition, happiness is good, pain is bad, and the best thing is that people are always happy. But life is far more than just pleasure, psychoanalyst Adam. Phillips says that demanding pleasure can ruin life.
"If we try to eliminate suffering, or to forget suffering by diverting our attention or others' attention, we cannot learn to accept and adjust it."
We often avoid or cover up to resist the pain we encounter, but in the process, we never learn to really face the pain, and at the same time block some positive feelings.
Many parents insist that what children need is happiness, as long as the child has negative emotions, it is a bad thing, need to divert attention or deny this emotion, and it is this behavior that may make the child think that his feelings are not valued, pain is wrong, uncomfortable is wrong, is not allowed.
2. Is parent-child relationship a win-lose game?
We often experience the scene of "getting angry" with the child, the child wants to buy toys, you don't want to buy him, so the child cries, you are deadlocked, thinking that you can't give and take from the child.
It seems that it is often necessary to win and lose in order to stop? In such a "fight", we all give up effective communication, do not use language to express the truest ideas of the moment, children may use crying, parents may use cold treatment.
Parents seem to be very afraid that their children will "win", but in the parent-child relationship, where is the real winner? Parents should not use "authoritarianism" to manage a parent-child relationship, use the authority of adults to "bully" children, "dominators" and "obedient" should not be the roles used in parent-child relationships, so what parents should show their children is to "adopt the current feasible way, do not worry about what may happen in the future." ”
Focus on the present moment and communicate to solve, rather than having to "win".
3. Everyone needs to have boundaries
"Everyone needs to have boundaries in order to have some kind of structure to support life and learn and live with others, and children are no exception."
One of the types of nasty people that everyone has ever met must be "self-righteous." Extremely self-righteous people may have a pair of parents who worship him as a god, and the love without boundaries makes him feel important and omnipotent. Then self-righteousness is already the lightest "symptom".
Therefore, setting boundaries for children is actually a kind of protection. Set boundaries that really help, not those that are threatening, empty talk.
In the process of educating children, in fact, it is more important to do a good job of themselves, how parents make themselves better, children must be able to feel, and subtly affected.
As the saying goes, "Good medicine is good for the sick, and good advice is good for the ear." ”
Regarding family parenting, if you have more insights, you can leave a message in the comment area to communicate~
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[Author of this article]: Secretary Zhang of Orangutan Village
[Original Statement]: Some of the content of the article is excerpted from the Network, if there is infringement, please contact the author to correct and delete.
[Column Introduction]:
"Orangutan Ball Has Something to Say" is a parent-child education column of the new media channel under "Orangutan Ball Village". We aim to help more families improve their parent-child relationship and let the flowers of the motherland have a good childhood.
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