01
Parents who are "controlled" by anxiety
In life, parents often hear parents reprimand their children and say such a sentence: "If you disobey you again, you will be handed over to the police station", and always use "police station" and "police" to scare children to achieve educational goals.
Recently, I brushed up on a news that a mother really did this.
According to this mother, the child has English oral homework and has been tutored many times by herself. However, the child has not been able to learn, and the angry and anxious mother will say to the child: "If you can't do it again, I will send you to the police station."
Subsequently, the mother really did what she said and sent the child to the police station, and the panicked child could only seek help from the police uncle. Although with the help of the police uncle, the child successfully finished reading English, the mother also realized her problem and took the child back home.
But throughout the whole thing, it is not difficult to see that this mother has serious educational anxieties, especially when she sees that her children can't learn English anyway, and in the disappointment after disappointment, the faith in her heart finally collapses.
In the recently released "China Mother Anxiety Index Report", it was pointed out that the top two factors that lead to family anxiety are child health and child education.
For Chinese parents, the reason why there is so much anxiety and panic about their children's education is nothing more than worrying about their children's future and wanting their children to have a stronger competitive advantage in the future society.
Under this educational concept of "everything must be top-notch", parents associate their children's current situation with future results, fearing that if their children are not well educated now, their future life will lead to the result of failure.
02
What should I do if my children are not well educated?
In this environment full of educational anxiety, some people, like the mother in the above news, when she feels anxiety, will punish the child with practical actions to alleviate her bad emotions caused by anxiety.
Some parents realize their importance to their children, by learning all kinds of parenting knowledge, brushing various video knowledge to try to alleviate anxiety, but after adjusting for a few days found that there is no effect and gave up, always thinking "What to do, my child has been like this, is there any salvation?" ”
I often see parents asking questions in the Xingzhi background and live broadcast room:
"My kids keep playing games, teacher, what should I do?"
"Teacher, my child is disobedient and scolds people at every turn, is there any salvation?"
"Teacher, my child immediately took the college entrance examination but talked about love, and he didn't listen to anything."
Anxiety, seems to have become synonymous with modern parents, no matter when and where are afraid and afraid of some things, psychologists have analyzed that "anxiety is a psychological activity when the existence of people is threatened", then, in the face of this anxiety, how should parents adjust themselves and calm their minds?
03
Children are growing bodies
Seeing that parents have become scared, confused and self-blamed because of their children's problems, in response to this situation, we invited Cao Hong, a doctor of management psychology from the Chinese Academy of Sciences, to answer parents' questions:
A few suggestions were given:
1. If you don't educate your children, it's better not to educate your children.
If parents do not educate their children, our advice is that they can not teach, after all, if your way is not right, this will only lead to more bad results.
In the process of educating their children, parents are often meeting their own needs, because they are too worried about their children, turning the so-called love into control and restraint, for example:
Parents sometimes blame their children and feel that their children do not understand themselves, but this is often because our methods are not used correctly.
Lao Tzu once said: "The movement of the opposite Tao", which means that once this "Tao" is wrong, we can do it in reverse, we used to do this, and it is better not to do it in the future. It doesn't matter if the method is wrong, it is more important to adjust it in time.
2. The child is constantly growing, do not give up.
When parents do not understand the growth rules of their children, it is easy to fall into anxiety and feel that their children are one step behind others. But in fact, it is not, Teacher Cao Hong then explained:
The child himself is a growing body, in the process of continuous rapid growth, plasticity is very strong, when the child has some problems, he will have a self-healing process, parents to seize the child's "open the door of the heart" healing opportunity.
When parents think about this clearly, no longer add more troubles to the child, no longer bring him more pressure, let the child have a quiet and comfortable and relaxed environment, the child's own self-healing ability appears.
There are no children who can't teach well, only parents who don't want to work hard. As long as you want to change and adjust your own way of education, it is never too late to change. When we say family education, we don't define whether a child is good or bad, because they must have potential and strengths.
Parents are only because they cannot correctly understand the child's personality and growth laws, may create the so-called bad children and poor students, which is the result of improper education methods, but in fact, every child has a strong sense of self-motivation and curiosity, as long as the correct training and guidance, can become an excellent person.
3. Create a positive and positive environment atmosphere.
Someone once said, "The more parents pay too much attention to something, sooner or later the child will have trouble in this matter, and when the parents are anxious about the child's grades, the child will really roll over on the grades in the end." ”。
As Murphy's Law says:
If things have the potential to go bad, no matter how small the possibility, it will always happen. If you're worried about something happening, it's more likely to happen.
When you always sigh every day, the child always sees your anger and anxiety, even if we don't say anything, the child will bear the pressure you give him.
When parents deeply understand that they are the people who have the greatest impact on their children, please do not assume that the child will have problems, and do not fall into this anxiety and regret excessively, because regret does not change anything, what we have to do is repentance, and repentance means never to do it again.
Create a positive environment atmosphere, see the child's good side, because we are just a watchman in his growth process, please show the child a mature and determined parental example to prove to the child: nothing is a big deal.
Parents should look at their children with the vision of change and development, always be full of confidence in their children, and affirm their children's every progress.
I hope that today's dry goods can give you some relief that you are afraid of anxiety and worry, learn family education knowledge, and become a child's Bole!