A few days ago, I accompanied my daughter to the mall and saw such a scene:
A little boy of five or six years old suddenly fell as he walked, and he was so frightened that he cried.
At this time, the father who was walking behind hurried over, only to see him pick up the little boy in one hand and begin to scold:
"Didn't you tell you to walk and look at the road well, how do you still fall, and see if I can help you next time?"
Looking at the little boy's face full of grievances is really painful.
Psychologist Li Xue said:
Many parents originally don't understand anything, but after having a child, they feel that they understand everything, and constantly correct and restrict their children.
Many practices that are "education" in the eyes of parents actually hurt children the most.
You know, education is not simple at all, and it is not something that can be done by the mother alone.
If you want to really teach your children well, your father can't be absent, and he can't lack attentive learning.
In traditional families, "the female protagonist is inside the male protagonist", and most of the fathers are working outside, and they are at ease as "throwing their hands to the treasurer".
A survey in the United States showed:
Even babies who are still in a hazy state will have typical symptoms of "paternal love deficiency syndrome" such as restlessness, loss of appetite, depression and irritability due to lack of paternal love.
Chinese fencing star Xi Zeyu once made a guest appearance in "Who Is My Family", talking about the divorce of his parents in childhood.
When it came to the very few times her father had been with her since childhood, she couldn't help but choke.
Whenever she saw that the trainees she brought had her father personally help to make beds and buy things, she was even more envious.
In her memory, Dad had never done such a thing, and now that she thinks about it, her heart is full of regrets.
Child psychology research shows that a child's sense of security comes from the father.
The existence of the mother is the child's milk and nutrition, and the father's company is the child's spiritual pillar and comfort.
Countless studies have shown that children raised by fathers are more optimistic, more confident, and have a clearer understanding of themselves.
Some time ago, Jin Ruixuan, a 5-year-old little girl in Wenzhou, was on fire.
Just after her birthday, she completed a series of actions handsomely on the ski slopes of Nuoda.
Don't look at her small body, which contains a lot of energy.
Since the age of one and a half, she has followed her father to the snow field and began to learn to ski at the age of two.
Finding that she had a talent in this area, her father did not say a word, and after consulting with his family, decided to practice with her full-time.
More than 300 days a year, 365 days a year, you can see their father and daughter on the snow.
Others praise Xiaojin Ruixuan for being smart and excellent, and is the rising star of the bar, but as everyone knows, behind her achievements is her father's hard work.
A good father never relies on money or material things to maintain a relationship with his children.
Instead, just invest a minute a day, a thoughtful companionship, or a simple interactive toy.
Only by maintaining truly meaningful contact with the child can the child deeply feel the love from the father, believe that "I can do it" and "I deserve the best of everything".
Actor Yang Jiu in "How to Escape for Two Days", issued a sympathetic sigh:
"Getting your father's approval is the ultimate recognition."
This is more important than outsiders saying ten thousand words of praise. ”
Born with a passion for acting, he has countless running group experiences.
Even if the fame is far less than that of his father Yang Lixin, his father's sentence "Well, (I think you) can basically be independent" is the best footnote for his own efforts.
Many parents, especially dads, don't know.
How many children have been waiting for him all their lives to affirm and praise.
The "you are great" and "you are very good" said by the father are the biggest motivation for the child's growth and the most beautiful highlight of life.
In the hit drama "The World of Man", the third son, Zhou Bingkun, is not as smart and clever as his brother and sister, and has a high position of authority.
Hit by his father many times, his self-esteem was frustrated, and he was so inferior that he did not dare to show his true heart in front of his parents.
But his father's affirmation of him before his death instantly resolved his inner grievances and sadness.
If dad's denial and neglect are the indelible pains of his life.
The recognition from his father washed away the haze in his heart, and even became the belief that he worked for for the rest of his life.
Even if his elderly parents are gone, he is as willing as ever to pay for his family, and at any time, he is silently guarding this big family.
In The Art of Love, author Fromm says:
"Mom represents nature, earth and sea, our hometown, and Dad represents the world of ideas: law, order and discipline."
The father symbolizes a standard of majesty.
His appreciation is undoubtedly conveying an affirmation that makes the child clearly aware:
In the Dad level, I am qualified, and I can continue to the next level.
Therefore, if you want your child to truly live out his own value and enthusiasm, fathers must not skimp on every positive word in their mouths.
Do a good job of assisting the child, all by the father's loving affirmation and encouragement.
Having been exposed to a boy who was addicted to mobile games before, his mother was worried that his grades would plummet.
As soon as the results were communicated, the clues were found:
It turned out that his father also had a mobile phone in his hand and played games as soon as he got home from work.
Others are busy, cooking and doing hygiene, and dad can't move, more addicted than children.
Hearing such feedback, I feel that it is not impressive to change the child.
After all, the upper beam is not right and the lower beam is crooked, the father has not set a good example for the child, how can he teach the child to put down the mobile phone and study well?
We all know that we must standardize the child's behavior and establish the correct three views for him.
But dad can't manage himself well, so why should he manage his children well?
The master of psychology Freud once said this:
"Fathers are not only protectors and educators, but also play the role of 'idols', and they are role models for growth."
No one can lead by example better than dad and influence a child's life by example.
The host Bai Yansong has a detail in educating his son that is particularly touching.
Because his family lives in a high-rise building, he has to take the elevator home every night.
After getting out of the elevator, he will habitually press "1st floor" and then turn away.
In the face of his move, the son was deeply puzzled and asked why.
He said calmly to his son:
"Because everyone only goes home at night, let the elevator go down for the convenience of people waiting for the elevator on the 1st floor and shorten their time waiting for the elevator."
After listening to him, the son did not ask anything more.
But then it was found that every time he came home at night, his son made the same move as him, pressing "1 floor".
In fact, he never asked his son to do that, but through his own personal demonstration, let his son know what is "empathy with others" and "consider problems from the perspective of others".
When the son saw it, he learned it, and there was no need for him to say much.
As the educator Sukhomlinsky said:
Do not think that only when you talk to your child and teach and instruct your child, you are educating your child.
Every moment of your life, even when you're not at home, is teaching your children.
Dad's own behavior means a lot to the child.
90% of education, in the final analysis, is the influence of role models.
Only the father corrects his attitude to life and constantly improves his behavior habits, and the child does not have to teach, and he will know how to imitate.
Dad's exemplary demonstration is like stretching out a pair of invisible hands, pulling the child to goodness and upward step by step.
What kind of existence is a father for a child?
Sarbanes said:
"Although the road of life is long, the key is only a few steps. If it were not for my father's timely guidance and education, my development would not have been so smooth. ”
Children all the way from ignorance to maturity, inseparable from the parents of the moment of conservative, hands to lead.
The most valuable love that can give children is "time", what can care for children's sensitive hearts is "recognition", and the virtue that children can learn is "teaching by example".
May all the fathers in the world have the courage to take responsibility and take up the burden of education.
Study seriously, grow up well, and always accompany your child to witness his every transformation.
I believe that under this "protection", children will be able to grow up quickly and live a lifetime of peace of mind, confidence and dignity.
The author | Oh Mom, I am willing to use my heart and pen to open up the children's spiritual world.
The anchor | Yanan, radio anchor
Pictures | Visual China, Network (if there is any infringement, please contact to delete)