Why don't children know how to hurt you?

Rousseau pointedly point out in Emile:

"Do you understand what can be done to make your child miserable? That is, let him have what he wants. The more he gets, the more he wants, and sooner or later you have to reject him, and this unexpected rejection hurts him far more than he does if he wasn't satisfied. ”

We always say to love our children well. However, he always doted on unconsciously, giving what the child wanted, and did not ask whether the principle was right or wrong.

Over time, the child feels that it is right to be loved, and the parents should do this to me.

Many people still eat the old man with the courage to grow old, thinking that getting things from their parents is a matter of course, only knowing how to take, not knowing how to reciprocate, and not knowing how to care for and appreciate others.

Sometimes others don't know how to hurt you, not because you give too little, but because you give too much. Similarly, children are not born "white-eyed wolves", which is the result of unlimited giving.

1

Meticulous care, but in exchange for the child's blame and pickiness

The girl next door to us was in her third year of junior high school, and her mother was bleeding profusely when she gave birth to her, and she was rescued on the operating table for a long time before she came back to life. Since then, their health has been very bad, and both of them are very concerned about the education of their children.

The girl was also very competitive, and each test score was in the top three of the grade.

But almost every day I can hear her arguing with her mother when she comes home from school.

Once, her mother was shopping with me for vegetables and began to complain on the way. He said that he was devoted to his daughter, and every day he changed his tricks to make food for her, afraid that a meal would not be with her appetite, so that the child would eat less. With so much schoolwork and so much homework, how can it be good?

I talked to her several times, and each time the topic began with her daughter and ended with her daughter. I rarely heard her talk about herself.

She is also very conscientious in taking care of her daughter, and every day before her daughter enters the door, she will put the carefully made meal on the table, fold the clothes and put them in the cabinet, and put the clothes to be changed the next day for the child to put on the bedside.

Once, when it was hot, she gave her daughter some thick clothes, and she blamed herself there for a long time. I told her that the children were in junior high school, and they would definitely take off when they were hot.

But such a conscientious and meticulous mother who takes care of her daughter has to accept her child's rebuke and criticism every day.

The daughter never felt how hard her mother had worked for her, as if everything she enjoyed was deserved.

I wonder if that mother would have let her daughter come back from school to serve her own food and clean up the house and clothes by herself, would it be another result?

2

Give too much and make the child feel that she doesn't need to be distressed at all

I have a very good classmate and she has a younger sister. Once, when I went to her house as a guest, her sister thought that her mother's cooking was not delicious, wanted to eat KFC, and asked her mother for money to buy, in fact, at that time, her sister was already working and earning money by herself. But her mother pulled out the money without saying a word.

What shocked me even more was that after her sister bought it, she devoured it alone. When she was almost done eating, she lifted the bag and put it in front of her mother and said, "I won't eat it, the rest is for you!" ”

Her mother naturally picked it up and ate it. There wasn't anything wrong with that.

I think if it were me, I wouldn't have given my mother what I had leftovers, because when I was seven or eight years old, once after eating noodles, I poured the rest of the soup and vegetables into my mother's bowl. My mother severely criticized me on the spot, to the effect of respecting her or something. It is because of my mother's limited giving that I still remember that there are some things that I can't do that.

In fact, my classmate's sister has given birth to her own child until now, and she has not learned to feel sorry for her mother.

Last time she had to move, she asked her mom to help clean up. When she got home, her mother had just come back from work and was cooking, and she was there urging.

Her mother cooked a meal and went with her to pack up her things without even taking a bite. And her mother also asked her sister if she had eaten when she was cooking, and her sister said that she bought dumplings on the way to eat.

I was shocked again, thinking why don't I call and ask her mother if she has eaten, if not, is it not good to buy and eat together?

My classmate's mother complained all day that her husband and daughter didn't know how to hurt her, but she never knew that she had given too much to make people think that she didn't need to be distressed at all. It was as if she had been born to be sad for others.

Gorky said: "Loving children is what even hens do, and really educating them is a big thing." "So, if we just give our children excessive love, we confuse the difference between humans and animals."

When we dot on and take care of everything about our children under the banner of "love", we not only work very hard, but also unconsciously deprive children of their independent and autonomous behavior, and even suppress and deny the child's sense of self-esteem and autonomy, so that the child becomes like a pet: only promises, blindly please; once they cannot get the approval and acceptance of the other party, they will be confused and rebellious.

Over time, the child defaults to being a pet who doesn't know anything and needs to be taken care of by others, and thinks that everything his parents do is deserved, and he doesn't know how to be grateful!

3

"Give it all" is a misunderstanding of love

"Give everything you have, give it wholeheartedly" is the misunderstanding of many parents' "love".

The previous hit Indian movie "WrestleMania! "Daddy" brought tears to many people's eyes, and it is said that it is adapted from a true story:

The father who was a wrestler, in order to continue to write his dreams and give his daughter the right to choose his own life and choose the future, so he trained his daughter harshly from childhood, and the daughter went from fighting, incomprehension, getting rid of to reconciliation, and finally became a world champion, rewriting the lives of most women who should have been taught by their husbands.

He told his daughter from a young age: "Dad can't come to your rescue every time, Dad can only teach you how to fight." The image of him in his daughter's mind has always been cold and lonely. And when the Indian national anthem sounded on the field, he warmly held up his daughter's face and told her: "You are daddy's pride."

People who truly love you are willing to let you suffer.

I'm not advocating "suffering" education or just raising children poorly. But always remind yourself: if you truly love your child, don't treat your child as a pet, and do everything for your child. Parents' sense of no boundaries will stifle the child's nature, personally cultivate a small white-eyed wolf, and miss the child's life!

Wise parents should learn to let go, in the colorful life, we are not condescending, leaning over to teach, but standing next to the child, shoulder to shoulder with him, arm in arm, to accompany them through a wonderful journey.

rethink

We are not only the guide of the child, but also the child's companions, the success of education is not to cultivate a well-behaved pet, but to help children find themselves in the independent growth, harvest self-esteem and self-confidence, have an independent personality and an open life!

From today onwards, hide "love" in half, so that children can also learn to love and give, and understand responsibility and responsibility!

Source: Education Family Education Public Account, if there is infringement, please contact to delete.