Crying is one of the most common behaviors in a child's life
It is also the most anxious behavior for parents
Whether it is coaxing or severely suppressing, it reflects a phenomenon that almost all parents think that their children's crying is a not very good thing and should be stopped.
Especially in public or when relatives and friends are around, children crying will bring embarrassment and embarrassment to parents.
When it comes to children crying, our whole environment is not very acceptable. Scattered to each small family, when the child is crying, our first reaction is to stop him and let him calm down.
We might as well try to be aware of the parents, to be aware of the children, to see together what they are actually thinking when the children are crying, and what are the parents desperately trying to stop what they are afraid of?
Trace the source
1
Insecurity, emotions are easy to get out of control.
0 to 3 years old is a critical period for children to form a sense of security, and father's love and maternal love are an important source of security during this period. However, due to the fact that parents are usually busy with work and lack of companionship, they do not get enough security. So when he encounters stress, he can't cope, it is easy to lose control of emotions, and the most direct manifestation is to cry and cry sadly.
02
Mental immaturity, lack of independence.
The child's mind is not mature enough. Therefore, whenever he encounters difficulties, whether it is in life or study, there is no other way but to cry, but to wait for his parents to solve them.
03
The father is absent and the enzymes are confused.
If boys cry and love to shed tears, this phenomenon is called masculinity. The reason for this phenomenon is often that the mother takes on more management and education tasks in the family, while the father is rarely involved. By kindergarten, elementary and secondary school, the teachers were mostly women. Therefore, I didn't figure out my role positioning, I didn't learn how to deal with problems from my father, and I didn't know what I should do.
04
Weak ability and lack of self-confidence.
The strength of the parents leads to the weakness of the child's personality. At home, everything is done for him by his parents. Except for studying, there is no need to do anything, so there is no way to do anything. Gradually, the child finds that he does not know anything, and will only cry when he encounters problems, so can he still be confident and cheerful?
The right medicine
What should we do in the face of children who cry regardless of the occasion?
First, regulate your emotions
Don't be embarrassed by your children
Although there are only four words to regulate emotions, it is not simple to do. There is a very simple little way, that is, we think back to the most aggrieved and neglected moments in our own growth.
Think about what we would say and do to the child who was secretly wiping away tears in a wronged way if we could talk to that child now.
When we say to our children, "It is useless to cry," we are essentially denying the child's emotions and rejecting our own emotions.
Second, when the child is emotionally unstable
Wait quietly without asking
Anyone who is depressed craves to feel seen rather than being reasonable. Quietly wait for them to finish venting their emotions and be their comforter.
After the child calms down
Let's discuss solutions together
Older children, their crying has a deep appeal. It's like crying in the mall for something, it's not like crying is over.
To let children express their thoughts in their entirety is also to tell them that they are being "seen".
At the same time, we must explain to the child the reason why we cannot buy. If she insists on buying it, she can buy it with her own pocket money, or "make money" to buy it through other methods.
The same is true for other things, such as the fear of children, we can tell them how to respond if someone they don't like wants to hold him. For example, if a child wants to watch more cartoons, we can tell them that the agreed time has arrived, and everyone should be honest people.
Let's not think of the child as a little fart who doesn't understand anything, communicate equally, they can really be very sensible.
Quit dependencies
Exercise self-care
Find back the lost independence, reason, and faith.
To cultivate children's self-care ability, they must do their own things; things at home help to do; difficult things to try to do. And implement appropriate reward and punishment measures to gradually exercise their ability to be independent.
We don't allow children to cry because crying doesn't solve any substantive problems.
If you want a toy, you can't buy it when you cry; if you fall, it still hurts to cry.
However, crying is useless, is it useful to laugh?
There is no reason to measure an emotion with "usefulness".
In fact, crying, like laughing, is the most normal emotion of people, and there is no right or wrong.
It takes time to wait for a flower to bloom, let alone grow? Every child is the seed of a flower, but everyone's flowering period is different.
If they are always treated impatiently by adults, in the long run, out of instinctive self-protection, they will quietly close the door of the heart that is open to the outside, curl up in their own world, and even give up flowering.
Disk it