American early childhood educator Kaates has found a similar phenomenon in children, which he calls "habitual stupidity".
The so-called "habitual stupidity" is that in the process of growing up, due to the influence of external factors, children gradually have doubts about their own ability, and then lack self-confidence and gradually fall into a state of impotence.
Children who are shrouded in incompetence will become more and more "lazy" and more and more "stupid", unwilling to work hard when encountering things, holding the mentality of "I can't change anything no matter how hard I try", and live a negative life.
Among the external factors that cause children to be "habitually stupid", the impact of family education is the largest and deepest.
In particular, some inadvertent practices and bad habits of parents are like "putting" a cover for their children, pushing their children step by step into the situation of "getting more and more stupid".
01
So, in family education, what behaviors or habits of parents will make children "more and more stupid"?
1. Lots of negative cues
Sometimes when we are in a hurry to get angry, we may say to the child, "How can you be so stupid!" Or"Are you a pig's head?" ”
The child is still young, unable to recognize the intention behind the parents calling him "stupid", and will only really think that he is "stupid".
Moreover, a large number of negative evaluations or suggestions will damage the child's self-esteem and self-confidence, and cast a shadow on the child's psychology.
If this sentence becomes the mantra of parents, a stupid child who has no opinion, no self-confidence, and is stupid may really be born.
2. Force children to obey blindly
Forcing children to blindly obey is also a common mistake made by many parents. The root cause is still the feudal ideology of patriarchal despotism in the depths of our souls.
We often do things that do not respect the child, go against the child's wishes, and even hurt the child for the purpose of being good for the child, such as we often force the child to stop what he likes and do something that the child is suffering but the parents think is important.
Forcing children to blindly obey not only stifles the child's personality, but also deprives the child of the ability to analyze, think, judge, and choose.
In the long run, a child with ears but no head will be produced.
3. Often discourage children's curiosity
Curiosity is the nature of children . They ask a lot of weird questions, come up with a lot of weird ideas, and even make irrational moves.
For these valuable performances, some parents can take advantage of the situation, thus cultivating the good habit of children who love to ask questions, love to think, and love to explore, and then step by step to success.
But there are also some parents, they are very annoyed with their children's questions, very afraid of children's questions, valuable curiosity about children, often respond to indifferent rejection or ruthless blows.
"Why do you talk so many questions and ask fewer questions?"
"How silly are the questions you ask!"
"What a ridiculous idea you have!"
"Don't do this, people know they'll laugh at you."
In this way, a child who is full of desire and curiosity about the outside world gradually becomes a person who has no interest in anything, does not seek progress, follows the rules, lacks enthusiasm, lacks innovative spirit, and is calm and mediocre.
And it all stemmed from a loss of curiosity.
Therefore, when we carry out family education, we must protect the child's curiosity and curiosity, and do not discourage the child's curiosity.
4. Amplify your child's shortcomings
Many parents will hold on to their children's shortcomings and even infinitely magnifie them.
Perhaps their starting point is to remind children and educate children, but doing so will only dampen children, hit children, constantly strengthen children's sense of identification with their shortcomings, and even arouse children's negative thoughts of "breaking the jar and breaking the can".
For example, if a timid child who does not like to talk when he sees a raw person, the parents do not encourage him to be generous and brave and shout people, but when he encounters a living person, he will say: "My child is timid and does not like to talk." ”
Parents have already drawn conclusions for their children, how can children take the initiative to speak?
Some parents keep saying that their children are playful, naughty, and do not love to learn. Over time, children really don't like to learn.
Why? Because you've labeled your child as not learning.
In family education, we must be good at discovering the advantages of children and diluting their shortcomings, so that they can harvest a confident and intelligent child.
5. Compare children often
Comparing children is a common problem that most parents make.
"You look at the next door xx, how hard you study, how good your grades are..."
"All day long know to play, why don't you learn xx ..."
Often comparing with excellent children will make their children gradually lose self-confidence and subconsciously think, "I am so useless!" The negative mentality of "Mom and Dad hate me".
In the long run, even the best children will fall into the strange circle of "habitual stupidity" and find it difficult to extricate themselves.
6. Discipline children with inconsistent rules
Some families are very arbitrary in educating their children, with no principles, no rules, or just based on the parents' momentary mood and anger to set rules.
Especially in the large family of the next generation, it is most likely that there will be inconsistencies in the rules.
If the child's same behavior is sometimes punished, sometimes praised, and sometimes allowed to go, it will not only make the child unable to distinguish between the right and wrong of the behavior, but also develop the rogue habit of not knowing the reason and not distinguishing between right and wrong.
No rules, no squares, no family education is no exception.
7. Indiscriminate use of material rewards
I once saw such a cartoon: a child took a 100-point test paper, and his father rewarded him with 100 yuan; the second time the child took a 90-point test paper, his mother rewarded him with 90 yuan; the third time the child took an 88-point test paper, his grandmother rewarded him with 88 yuan; the fourth time, the child took a 50-point test paper and asked his grandfather for a reward of 50 yuan, but he was scolded by the whole family.
This cartoon is a good satire of the consequences of misuse of rewards.
Some families, in order to motivate their children to achieve better grades or achieve other goals, adopt the method of material rewards.
"If you xx like, Dad will give you xx rewards".
"The next exam to get first, mom buy you a newest toy."
But it's not wise to do so.
Indiscriminate use of rewards will trigger the child's motivation to do things from the inside to the outside, which is not conducive to the child to establish a good learning goal, and the child's learning is not to improve himself, but for material rewards.
Once the child does not need these rewards, the TA's motivation is gone.
8. Overprotect and supervise children
Five-year-old Yo Yo and Le Le play a game of "cleaning" in the living area. Yo Yo said, "Look, I've learned to sweep the floor!" Lele, who was standing nearby, immediately shook her head and said, "My mother said that I was too young to sweep the floor, and she didn't need me to help her sweep!"
Because of her mother's words, Lele turned away all opportunities to try and challenge new things.
Parents always feel that it is normal for children to be young and not do certain things.
But excessive protection will not only dampen children's self-concept and weaken children's autonomy, but also shape children into a child who has no ability to live independently, relies on parents for everything, and shrinks his hands and feet.
As long as the child can do it, it will never be replaced. Only in this way can children's self-care ability be improved and they can grow into high-quality talents who meet the needs of society.
9. Cover up and indulge children's mistakes
As the saying goes, small mistakes are not corrected, and big mistakes must be made.
Making mistakes is a commonality and right of children. However, some parents always think that their children are still young and either turn a blind eye to their children's mistakes or cover them up.
Sooner or later, the child will grow up and enter the society, and do not let your connivance deprive the child of the development of potential abilities and prevent him from becoming a capable, independent, and self-regulating person.
10. Argue in front of your child
Family life is trivial and complex, and quarrels between husband and wife are inevitable.
But parents arguing in front of their children is a "psychological abuse" for their children.
The Shanghai Children's Association once conducted a psychological survey of more than 1,000 minors, and the results showed that 31.68% of children with psychological problems lived in families where their parents often quarreled, which was 3.35% higher than the proportion of divorced families.
Quarrels are more serious than the psychological damage of divorce to children!
Children who often face the "war" of the family are prone to interpersonal communication disorders, anxiety, suspiciousness, lack of confidence in future life, low sense of self-worth, and especially easy to have a sense of fear of marriage.
So, no matter what happens, don't argue in front of your children.
As parents, we need to always keep in mind that you are the closest and most trusted person to your child, and the first and most solid spiritual pillar for him to come into this world.
Hitting is not love, scolding is not love, only the appreciation and affirmation from the heart at all times is the love that nourishes children the most.
By loving children in a smart way, we can harvest a smarter child.
02
Eight bad habits in a child's life can also make a child stupid!
Eight bad habits of life affect the child's intellectual development, if the child's bad habits do not change for a long time, but it is easy to become stupid! What are these eight deadly bad habits? If a child has such a bad habit, how should parents help him correct it?
Bad habit of making children stupid: Eat too much sweets And children have a lower IQ
Children like to eat sweets the most, when they are disobedient and crying, parents will always habitually use sweets such as candy and cakes to coax children, but they do not realize that this actually cultivates the habit of children eating sweets. However, many children who eat too much sweets tend to have lower IQs, why is this?
Because the child's brain development is inseparable from the protein and vitamins in food, these nutrients are mainly ingested through three meals a day, and too much sweets will damage the child's appetite, reduce appetite, children are unwilling to eat, and the intake of protein and vitamins becomes less, which will lead to malnutrition in the body, thus affecting brain development.
In life, parents should control the amount of sweets their children eat, try to replace sweets with high nutrients such as calcium tablets and fruits, and slowly help children get rid of the bad habit of loving sweets.
The second bad habit of making children stupid: Eating too much makes the blood supply to the brain decrease
Parents will always set the amount of food for their children, requiring their children to eat the meal, even if the child is not willing to eat, or will try their best to coax the child to finish eating. But is the amount of food for children really so large? Holding a child's belly up and running it may not be conducive to his physical development!
Modern nutrition studies have found that after the human body has overeaten, the substance known as "fibroblast growth factor" in the brain will increase significantly. These small substances can easily lead to cerebral arteriosclerosis, reduced blood supply and premature brain failure and mental decline.
In the matter of children eating, parents can relax a little and let the children feel how much they have eaten. Don't worry too much about the child's nutrition, as long as the mother's three meals of vegetables are reasonable, do some children like to eat dishes, he will naturally eat happily.
Bad habit three for making children stupid: Ignoring breakfast leads to a lack of nutrient supply to the brain
Sometimes children will be late for class and too late to eat breakfast, hungry to go to school, but it will affect the child's intellectual development! According to studies, children who eat a high-protein breakfast generally have relatively long-term optimal thinking in class, while children who eat vegetarian or even do not eat breakfast will have a relatively rapid decline in mood and energy.
Because not eating or eating less breakfast will make people's blood sugar lower than the normal supply, it is easy to lead to insufficient nutritional supply of the brain, so long-term non-eating breakfast is not conducive to the development of the brain, resulting in children becoming stupid.
In order to make children grow up more healthily, mothers should carefully prepare a nutritious breakfast for their children, nutritionists recommend 9 kinds of foods that children need for breakfast: tomatoes, corn, mushrooms, chicken paste, potatoes, carrots, apples, bananas, bread, mothers can match, let children fall in love with breakfast, to ensure children's intellectual development.
Bad habit of making children stupid Four: Talk less and slow down the child's brain
Language expression can exercise the child's logical thinking very well, so that the brain is active, if the child does not speak for a long time, accustomed to less speech, the brain does not get the operation and development it should have, it is easy to become sluggish, affecting the development of intelligence.
Because the center responsible for language is in the brain, the child's brain will also run when speaking, which can promote brain development and exercise brain function.
In life, parents should consciously encourage their children to speak, let them tell what happened in school, or tell parents some small stories, so that children can promote the operation of the brain through thinking when speaking.
Bad habit five for making children stupid: Insisting on learning when the body is sick can cause brain damage
Some parents take learning too seriously, and even if the child is sick, they require the child to stick to school, for fear that he will fall behind in his homework. However, if children insist on learning when they are sick, not only will their learning efficiency be reduced, but they will also easily cause damage to the brain.
When the child is unwell or sick, the child should have sufficient rest time, let the body and brain have sufficient time to repair, and add more vitamins and other nutrients to drive the virus away, so that a healthy body can continue to learn.
Bad habit six for making children stupid: reluctance to use their brains to accelerate degeneration
The best way to exercise your child's brain is to encourage your child to think more, and only when you think will the brain run in large quantities and your mind will become active. On the contrary, if the child does not want to use his brain for a long time and does not want to do anything, it is easy to accelerate the degeneration of the brain, and the originally intelligent child will become stupid.
If the child is too lazy to use his brain, parents should pay more attention to it, and encourage him to think more, such as taking the child to play brain teaser together, or teaching the child to play chess, puzzles, etc., you can play with the child to see who does better, so that the child will think more enthusiastically in the play.
Encouraging children to think more from an early age can not only avoid brain degeneration, but also make children smarter and benefit them for life!
Bad habit seven for making children stupid: Babies who grow up in a monotonous environment, mentally retarded for 3 months
Each family has a special atmosphere, some families talk and laugh every day, very lively, but there are also some parents who have a quieter personality, so the atmosphere at home will become monotonous. However, the child's growth environment can easily affect his intellectual development!
American psychologists have found that babies who grow up in an overly monotonous, unstimulated environment have a mental retardation of 3 months. If the atmosphere at home is always the same, the baby's brain lacks the necessary stimulation, and it cannot contact new things for a long time, it will lack the motivation for intellectual development.
For these families, parents can use light, color, music, etc. to create a colorful environment for children, open the window when the sun is full to make the room bright, buy some colorful clothes and toys for the child, play a soothing music for him before the child goes to bed, etc., can make the child feel the stimulation of the environment, which is conducive to the growth of the child.
Bad habit eight for making children stupid: Lack of sleep affects development
Adequate sleep is the main way to eliminate brain fatigue, the brain after a day of operation, need to rely on sleep to make adjustments, ready for the next day's work. If long-term sleep is insufficient or the quality of sleep is too poor, it will accelerate the decline of brain cells and affect the development of intelligence.
And in childhood sleep, not only the brain is rested, but the child's body is also developed in sleep, and adequate sleep is conducive to the child's growth. Therefore, children lack sleep, but it will directly affect the future development, intelligence and learning, and even form a bad personality such as hyperactivity, aggressiveness, and irritability.
In order to ensure that the child has enough sleep, parents should help the child make a plan, stipulate that every night at what time to go to bed on time, and before going to bed, the child has put a small lullaby to soothe the child's emotions and let him relax and fall asleep. Children with enough sleep can grow up healthier and smarter!
After understanding the eight bad habits that make children stupid, parents should carefully observe the lives of their children at home, and if they find similar bad habits, they will seize the opportunity to patiently help their children correct them. Children with healthy living habits can develop better and grow into smart and capable children.
▍ Article source: Network