Some children are born demons, but some children are forced into demons by their parents' irresponsible education.
The Korean drama "Juvenile Court", through 7 real juvenile offender cases, tells us a cruel truth, irresponsible parents can really ruin your children.
In court, the judge looked at the lawyer group brought by the defendant and said, "I have seen such a luxurious lawyer group for the first time in many years."
The girl's parents have been working and living abroad for many years, giving their daughter only money, and even if her daughter was accused of murder, her parents did not appear, but invited a luxurious lawyer group to come forward to get it done.
In the eyes of parents, money can handle everything, including the growth of daughters, girls who lack parental companionship and care, psychological problems, and eventually become the mastermind of the mutilation case.
In the collective bullying case of the Azure Youth Recovery Center, behind these girls are all kinds of broken families.
The mother of one of the girls, in order to get rid of her daughter, lied that she was seriously ill and dying. Unexpectedly, my daughter managed to escape from the recovery center to visit her. Facing her daughter standing at the door, the mother closed the door indifferently and allowed her new husband to beat her daughter to the point of bruising herself outside the door.
In the case of domestic violence, the victim's father grew up in a violent family, and in his eyes, domestic violence was equivalent to normal education, so he took a baseball bat and beat his daughter to a broken rib and was injured.
In the last case, a teenager said a very heartfelt sentence: "If there are good parents, we will not fall into this." ”
Psychologist Frank. "One of the most unfortunate facts in life is that the first major ordeal we suffered came mostly from our families," Cardler said. ”
Education is the butterfly effect!
We think that today's indifference to children, roaring violence are small things, but we don't know that they are slowly accumulating into a terrible force that destroys children, and one day it will break out!
Professor Li Meijin once said, "The early education of parents is the foundation of children's lifelong happiness."
Before the child is 18 years old, it is the shaping period of the child's personality and ability such as emotions, personality, responsibility, and security. Family education in this period is like building a house to lay the foundation, the deeper you dig, the stronger the reinforced concrete, the stronger the future house can be stronger and more beautiful, otherwise even if the appearance is amazing, it will easily collapse.
As a parent, spend more time with your child
Psychology points out that children who lack the company of their parents tend to grow up cold and suspicious.
The laws of physical and psychological development show that the younger the child, the more they need the attention and care of their parents. Especially 0-3 years old, is a critical period for children to establish a sense of security, and the companionship of parents is crucial to the healthy growth of children.
Children who lack parental company, lack emotional interaction and communication, and their sense of security cannot be established. When they grow up, they will continue to fight in their own way because they need a sense of security, even if they are wrong; on the one hand, they have a cold personality, full of hostility towards the people around them, and a withdrawn personality.
Writer Bi Shumin once said: "The growth of a child is first of all to confirm his own existence from the pupils of his parents. ”
The famous French pediatrician and the world's young children's education expert Caterina Gegang said in the book "How to Accompany Children with High Quality":
Spend some warm, happy, intimate time with your children and bring them the joy of being alive. Expressing love for children with warm words and movements is the source of their happiness and the initiation of their emotional learning. When a child feels loved, he or she will also be able to express and care for others in childhood or adulthood.
Companionship is the best love! The company of parents will help children build a sense of security, belonging and value, and is also the best way to cultivate various qualities and abilities.
As a parent, learn to see your child
As a juvenile court judge, Minister Jiang has heard many cases and met many failed parents, but he himself is also a failed father.
He always maintained a different attitude towards his two sons, always using the excellence of the younger son to humiliate the eldest son who was "not a tool". In order to make his father look good, the eldest son was involved in an examination fraud case, and finally chose to commit suicide in order not to implicate his father.
Just because we love our children doesn't mean we understand and see them.
In the face of a child making mistakes, we are always speechless, constantly complaining, eager to humiliate him with the most ugly words.
In the face of children's failures, we "hate iron not steel" and can't figure out why children make such low-level mistakes.
We think that children are slow to write homework, that children make a mess of the house, that children always talk back to themselves... In our eyes, children are full of flaws and problems.
But we never thought that the slow writing of homework may be because the child will not, the child may be because we have wronged him...
As parents, we always look at problems from our own point of view, look at children, think that children are disobedient, all are shortcomings, but rarely stand in the child's point of view of the world, to understand, to think.
Kimberly Bryn, an American child education expert, advocates in the concept of "emotionally guided education": parents should not use yelling and threatening ways to force their children to obey, but should help children understand their own and others' emotions through guidance, and achieve parent-child cooperation through equal communication.
As parents, we must learn to see the child, to understand the child, to see the world from the child's point of view, to use understanding and acceptance, respect and care to build the child's sense of security, value and sound personality.
Only children who grow up in this way will have self-respect and self-love, self-confidence and independence, because he knows that even if the wind and rain ahead are great, there are parents behind them who are waiting for them with open arms.
As a parent, please maintain good communication with your child
In the movie "Young You", wei Lai, a school bully, comes from a Kochi family, but in the eyes of his parents, the only thing that matters is his grades. In this seemingly perfect family, Wei Lai was ruthlessly cold and violent by his parents.
Entering adolescence, Wei Lai began to have psychological deformities, found his own presence in violent bullying, and eventually became a terrible demon.
Children who do not communicate with their parents are desperate. When they seem helpless, when they are overwhelmed, when they need help the most, they have to go through it alone.
Children who can't stand it are either psychologically distorted and have behavioral problems; or they will look outward for people who can communicate with their emotions, and it is easy to be used by people with ulterior motives and go astray.
Teacher Wu Zhihong, a psychological counselor, once said that if the life force is seen, it is a good life force, and it can be created and upward, but if the life force is not seen, it will generate negative emotions such as anger, which is the black life force.
Whether it is turning a blind eye to the child or strictly controlling the child, it is hurting the child again and again.
There is a saying in "The Spring of the Cattle Herding Class": "Every heart needs love, tenderness, tolerance, and understanding." ”
Children have a deep love, desire and trust for their parents, but irresponsible parents have repeatedly broken this trust, pushing the child into the bottomless abyss again and again, allowing him to fall to pieces.
Once a child's personality is formed, it is basically impossible to change it. Just like in "Juvenile Court", many troubled teenagers are repeating the same mistakes one after another.
Parents are the most powerful people in the world, because his education can determine a person's future life.
So, as a parent, be sure to take responsibility for parenthood!