The cousin who was a new mother complained to me, she was upset when she saw the baby crying, and when the baby cried, she ignored it, eager to push the baby as far away as possible.
The cousin's mother-in-law is still "adding fuel to the fire" next to her and saying that the cousin's practice is correct, the child can only hold the child without crying, and must not hold it when crying, otherwise it will spoil the child.
This kind of thinking of the cousin and mother-in-law coincides with the "cry immunization training method" proposed by American psychologist John Watson.
Watson's set of children crying before hugging, not crying and not hugging, has long been questioned and overturned by countless parenting experts and psychologists.
It should be known that Watson's children are also deeply affected by Watson's way of education, and although his children are talented, their personalities and psychology are not healthy.
The eldest son was mentally ill and committed suicide in his 30s, while his daughter was grumpy and withdrawn, and attempted suicide many times.
Watson's granddaughter has almost the same personality as her father and aunt.
So the "cry immunization training method" is really a cold parenting concept.
When a child cries before the age of one, he has to pick it up
Li Meijin, a professor at Chinese Min Public Security University, said:
The child cried in bed every day for three months, and was often picked up within three months, the neural memory of the two of them is not the same, and if the parenting within one year of age is in place, the person's mood will be peaceful.
When he cried within a year of age, he hugged him, and his cry was a physical cry, not a psychological cry.
You don't buy me toys, I just roll on the ground, which is called psychological crying.
And crying within a year of age, he may be because I can't turn over, my stomach is flatulence, he has been covered up so hot behind him that he can't say it, he can't say it for various reasons, he can only cry to express, so as long as he cries, you have to go over and help him.
Therefore, don't worry about holding the baby more will spoil the baby, how the baby is spoiled is not excessive, you can spoil it to no limit.
A child's age of one is a critical period for building his "basic trust" in the world, what we call a sense of security.
This trust comes from the experience of being comforted by his mother again and again: if someone responds to me when I have some needs, I feel good and safe.
The indifference and neglect of parents are not conducive to the physical and mental development of children.
Psychologist Li Xue wrote in the book "When I Meet a Person: The Relationship Between Mother and Baby Determines All Relationships of Children":
After the baby is born, it is in a sense of oneness with the mother. Maybe the mother just pinched the watch and delayed responding to the crying baby by 5 minutes, and the baby's whole world began to crumble and endure hellish suffering.
Cry immunity is indeed effective for babies, babies hysterical crying a few times after the mother did not respond, they really "well" a lot, will play by themselves.
But this obedience is based on the baby's despair that the mother does not respond to herself in time.
If a person experiences despair in the first few years of his life, then the background of his life will be lonely and gray.
Such children will have two extreme directions in the future, one is not dare to speak out to the outside world, dare not express themselves, do not know how to refuse, that is, we often say "old good people", imagine that the world is full of indifferent rejection and hostility, unable to enter the warm and responsive real relationship;
There is also the inability to delay gratification, some small setbacks will make them explode, emotionally unstable and peaceful, often hysterical, as unreasonable as crazy.
Pediatrician Penelope Leach has also said that babies crying for a long time will produce more "stress hormones", and excessive "stress hormones" will easily damage their brains, which is not good for the health of children.
So when the baby is crying, the parents respond to them with hugs.
Holding him will not spoil him, but help the baby to become a more healthy and better person.
Find out the real needs behind your baby's crying
Babies within one year of age, can't speak, are hungry, hot, pee, uncomfortable, and can only be expressed through crying.
In addition to holding the baby more, mothers usually have to find out the real needs behind the baby's crying.
Babies within one year of age cry, in addition to being sick and uncomfortable and crying, there are the following common causes of crying babies.
1. Intestinal colic
Baby intestinal colic is a kind of torture for parents, as soon as dusk to late at night, the baby begins to cry, looks very painful, limbs curled up, small face swollen red, abdomen bulging, often fart, and how parents coax it is difficult to make the baby quiet.
8 out of 10 babies will have intestinal colic, and there is no clear cause of intestinal colic, which may be because the baby's gastrointestinal development is not perfect, or it may be allergic or lactose intolerant, or the baby is extremely sensitive to external stimuli and will not control itself.
Intestinal colic generally begins at 2-4 weeks of the baby's birth, most of which occur obviously around 6 weeks, the good news is that the baby will disappear when it is more than 4 months, and the intestinal colic will not affect the baby's growth and development.
The baby's crying because of colic is a special test of the patience of parents, except for the change of tricks to soothe, there is no special medicine.
How parents should cope:
Pick up your baby, change several positions, you can walk back and forth, rhythmic shaking and physical contact can soothe your baby. Or let the baby lie on the parent's knee and stroke the baby's back, the pressure on the abdomen may make the baby more comfortable.
Let your baby lie on the bed and gently massage your baby's abdomen.
For breastfed babies, mothers should avoid eating, do not drink milk and dairy products first, because it may be milk proteins that cause allergies to babies through milk, and other foods that need to be avoided are strong tea, coffee, wine and spicy and irritating foods.
Formula-fed babies can swap regular milk for hydrolyzed milk.
Prevent swallowing air when feeding, avoid feeding too urgently or with large milk holes, burp your baby after feeding, and don't overnat your baby at each meal.
2. Hungry
Babies cry frequently when they are hungry. In particular, babies aged 3-4 months have entered a period of sharp rise, and the demand for breast milk is relatively large.
This kind of crying mother is very recognizable, crying is generally very loud, the baby will cry while shaking his head to find, and do sucking action, feeding naturally will not cry.
Breastfeeding follows on-demand feeding. If the mother does not have enough milk, she can eat more foods rich in high-quality protein, eat more fresh vegetables and fruits, drink more milk soup, and ensure adequate sleep and a happy mood;
Artificial feeding should increase the amount of formula according to the baby's age and weight and actual needs, and it should also be noted that it is not excessive.
3. It's hot and cold
When the baby is cold, the crying will weaken, the hands and feet will be cold, and the body will be tight.
Baby sweat glands are immature, heat dissipation is poor, if you wrap too much clothing, it will lead to heat is difficult to dissipate and high fever, the baby will cry when hot, full of red eyelids, full of sweat, a touch on the body is also tide.
Increase clothing and bedding based on your baby's performance;
Try to maintain the room at 23 °C-25 °C. The temperature is suitable, and the baby will slowly stop crying when he is comfortable.
4. Irritation of bowel movements
If there is urine and poop on the baby's diaper, the baby will feel wet and uncomfortable, and after a long time, it will sting the baby's delicate skin, and the baby will cry when he is uncomfortable.
Parents' response:
Check your baby's diaper and change your baby's clean and breathable diaper in time.
5. Have emotional needs
The baby will miss the warm and safe feeling in the mother's belly, and the baby who cannot express it verbally will get the mother's hug and comfort by crying.
Parental Response:
Hugging the baby more, touching the baby more, and comforting the baby with gentle words can effectively soothe the baby's emotions.
The authors of The Importance of Touch in Development argue that a lack of exposure causes babies to stop or reduce their synthesis of growth hormone.
Because for these babies, in the absence of adult care and help, only by trying to survive first can they be eligible to make progress in terms of height, weight, cognition and so on.
Write at the end
When the baby is crying within one year of age, parents should pick up the baby at the first time, without worrying about spoiling the baby.
Psychologist S. Freiberg once pointed out: "To learn to control parents with crying, small babies must have thoughts, the ability to perceive the objective world, and understand causality." Babies before 6 months obviously do not have such abilities.
The mother did not respond, and the baby's world was dark.
For the baby, the mother's timely response to his sense of security is an unparalleled gift.