Author | Fan Deng Reading · Zhang Woman
Anchor | Fan Deng Reading · Smell delight
Recently, the TV series "Heart House" has caught fire.
The heroine Feng Xiaoqin is a full-time mother, for 8 years, every day when she opened her eyes, a large family waited for her to take care of...
And her eldest sister, Gu Qingyu, a white-collar worker in the workplace, finished yoga on the balcony in the early morning and went to work in exquisite makeup.
(Image from the official stills of "Heart Residence", invaded and deleted)
This contrast has aroused heated discussion among netizens: different lives on the same morning, this is the gap between reality and dreams.
After the unexpected death of her husband Gu Lei, she lost the dependence on survival, and her life fell to the bottom.
However, as Grandma told her:
"Now those things of yours look big, but when you look back, they are all small things.
Man is going to live, you have to look ahead. ”
Feng Xiaoqin refused compensation from her neighbors and gave up her heart-set plan to buy a house.
She no longer depends on anyone and relies on her own efforts to deliver food and take care of the children.
Seeing her hurried through the streets every day, the bullet screen was full of encouraging voices: "People who work hard are the most beautiful", "This life is the positive energy", "People still have to rely on themselves in the end"...
Yes, Feng Xiaoqin finally stopped relying on marriage, no longer dependent on others, gave up unrealistic ideas, and lived strongly on her own.
As Plato said:
"If you're not happy, if you're not happy, let it go."
The most regrettable thing in life is to easily give up what should not be given up, and stubbornly insist on what should not be insisted on. ”
It is not easy to "put it down" than to "take it".
Try your best not to get something, just try to let it go.
Letting go is a practice of life; letting go is the real possession.
Freud said, "Man is an animal full of desires and driven by desires. ”
Moderate desire is the driving force for us to move forward; once it becomes greed, it must become a venom that regurgitates the heart.
Just like the male protagonist in the famous "The Great Gatsby".
Driven by desire, Gatsby became a millionaire and had the lover of his dreams.
But he did not know how to temperate, and eventually died a tragic death on the street.
The age of 17 was a watershed moment in Jay Gatsby's desired life.
Before that, he was James Gates. As the son of a fisherman, in addition to the heavy work of catching clams and catching frogs, he dreamed of getting rich overnight to fill the emptiness in his heart.
At the age of 17, he was appreciated by the rich man Darth Cody's yacht.
After that, abandoning his parents, changing his face, and completely drawing a clean sliver from poverty under the name Jay Gatsby.
He soared all the way to school. Later, he was bold enough to engage in smuggling.
As materialism expands and wealth accumulates like a mountain, Gatsby gradually loses the freedom and pleasure of life.
Because his life is full of deliberate drilling camps.
As the days went on, he also became more and more withdrawn, and it was difficult to integrate into reality.
Thoreau once said:
"Only when a person satisfies the basic needs of life, no longer draws on fame, and no longer draws on wealth, he can enjoy life more calmly and more fully."
Gatsby, who lives in the whirlpool of desire, is eventually burdened by fame and wealth, and it is more difficult to enjoy a happy and happy life.
As Hong Hao, a famous artist on the mainland, once lamented:
"In the past, material scarcity was not uncommon, but happiness was not uncommon, but now happiness can only be found materially, but I did not expect that the pain paid for this happiness was greater than before."
Living in Beijing, he spent 10 years creating a group of photographic works with the theme of "My Things".
In the work, he scans, photographs and preserves each piece he buys, and then combines it into a photograph.
At first, seeing that the photos were full of what he wanted, Hong Hao felt very rich and satisfied in his heart.
But as there were more and more objects and the gap between things became narrower and narrower, he began to feel very uncomfortable.
Until later, the objects accumulated more and more, occupying the entire picture, and a sense of oppression that was almost suffocating came over the face.
Since then, he has streamlined his life, reduced the number of shopping times, and left only useful things around him.
When freed from materialism, he found the rhythm of life and had more time to do what he liked.
It turns out that the simpler the desire, the freer life will be.
When people reach middle age, the material is low, and the spirit is high.
Zen Master Sotinak said:
"The desires of life, like the branches on a tree, you can't completely eliminate, but you need to prune regularly."
In this materialistic world, keeping an alert eye on desires and doing simple restraint can we live a soothing and calm life.
"I will never divorce Feng Huacheng in this life... I can sever my family ties with you, and you will just jump out of the cracks in the stone. ”
In the hit drama "The World of Man", Zhou Rong's declaration of love can be described as "deafening and deaf".
At the age of 19, this literary and artistic young woman who did not die for love ran from the northeast of Guizhou to the mountains of Guizhou without her parents and alone, insisting on marrying the fallen poet Feng Huacheng.
She was more than 10 years older and had nothing to be beaten as a reactionary, and was later imprisoned for writing poetry at the train station.
After returning to the northeast, Feng Huacheng, who did not understand the world, had no hope in his career and completely became a fallen literati.
Eventually, he cheats and falls in love with another, younger "Zhou Rong", who adores him.
Women who live in emotional obsessions are always going forward, always longing for romance, constantly creating illusions, and deceiving themselves into making excuses.
In the end, I was scarred, and my family was worried and afraid for them.
Kazuo Inamori said:
"The biggest prison in the world is the human heart. Unable to get out of their own obsessions, they are prisoners everywhere. ”
If the attachment is too deep, the heart will be very bitter. It is not terrible to choose the wrong person, but it is terrible to be deeply involved in it and do not know how to break away in time.
In England in 1922, a pregnant woman lay in an empty room.
She remembered that when she was pregnant, her husband asked her to go to an abortion.
She was worried about the danger, and her husband said a word:
"There are people who die because they take the train, don't you see that people don't take the train?"
Such a desperate word came from the mouth of the poet Xu Zhimo, and it was his wife Zhang Youyi who hated it.
What makes her heart even more like a knife is that just after her son turned a full moon, Xu Zhimo forced her to sign the divorce agreement.
Married for 7 years, the days together were less than 5 months, and Zhang Youyi, who was injured to the skin, was completely cold!
In 1922, with the end of the marriage, Zhang Youyi began to live for herself.
She first taught German at the university and then became vice president of Shanghai Women's Commercial Bank.
At the same time, he served as the general manager of Yunsheng Garment Company.
Once xu Zhimo's eyes of the "dirt bun", with unremitting efforts and tenacity, each undertaking has done an incomparably good job.
In her later years, she said to her niece:
"I want to thank Xu Zhimo for the divorce. If it weren't for divorce, I might never have been able to find myself or grow. ”
In life, each of us has people and things that we can't let go of, but blindly obsessing will only hurt ourselves.
Because attachment is like a thorn, the deeper you sink, the more painful it hurts to be pricked.
To let go of others is to let go of oneself.
Only by letting go of attachments can we become ourselves.
There is no absolute win or loss, and there is no absolute right or wrong.
Obsessing over right and wrong is the most meaningless thing in the world.
In "The Two of Us", Mr. Yang Dai remembers such a small thing:
Once, she and Qian Zhongshu quarreled on a ship going abroad because of a French pronunciation.
Qian Zhongshu said that Yang Dai's pronunciation had a hometown flavor, and Yang Dai was not convinced, and eventually the two people quarreled.
As the quarrel became more and more intense, the two people said many hurtful words to each other.
In desperation, the two men found a Frenchman to make a judgment. In the end, Yang Dai was right, and Qian Zhongshu was wrong.
After winning, Yang Dai said that although I won, I didn't feel happy and felt very bored.
It can be seen that in the family, the more you distinguish between right and wrong, the more your feelings are scattered, and the family will be disharmonious;
Between friends, the more you distinguish between right and wrong, often the friendship will disappear quickly.
As the old saying goes: The reason of the other is, my reason is not, I let it; the reason of the other is not, my reason is, I tolerate it.
People who really have a pattern will not cling to simple right and wrong, but they will not think too much about superficial gains and losses.
Be open-minded and easy-going, so that you can live a good life calmly.
During the Spring and Autumn Period, Guan Zhong and Bao Shuya had a very good personal relationship.
When he was the poorest, it was Bao Shuya who helped him through the difficulties. It was also because of Bao Shuya's recommendation that Guan Zhong became the prime minister.
Guan Zhong also said:
"The parents of those who gave birth to me, uncle Bao who knows me."
However, when he became seriously ill and Duke Huan of Qi asked him who could take over the post of chancellor, Guan Zhong denied Bao Shuya.
He said: "Bao Shuya is a person who is innocent and honest, who regards people who are inferior to himself, disdains to be with them, and occasionally hears about the faults of others, and never forgets them for the rest of his life." ”
That is to say, a character like Bao Shuya is too loving and more truthful, difficult to take into account the overall situation, and is not suitable for managing the government.
To be a person, when things happen, you can't just think about proving right and wrong, but also try to think from the perspective of the other party.
In life, you can't be right and wrong, and you can't be too divided.
Understand others, but do not ask more than others, in order to be respected, this is a person should be the pattern.
In 1845, on the shores of Walden Lake, Thoreau began to live alone in a log cabin, saying:
"I am willing to dig deep into life, suck the marrow of life, and live a solid and simple life."
Eliminate everything that does not belong to life cleanly, and push life to the extreme..."
This simplicity, this kind of letting go, is the best way to live in the second half of life.
Not clinging to material things, refusing to become a material slave;
Do not cling to feelings, love yourself in order to better love others;
Only by not clinging to right and wrong can we have a big pattern of life.
One thought is helpless, and one thought is free to let go.
Less defilement and attachment, more open-mindedness and relief.
Not confused in the heart, not trapped in emotion. Don't think about the past, don't fear the future. If so, be well.
Click "Watching" and encourage your friends.
Author | Zhang Woman, master of communication, former emotional storytelling reporter of The City Daily, is now a middle-aged girl who writes under the name of her daughter.
Editor-in-Chief | A doctor
Typography | Zheng to the north
Music | Zhao Haiyang - three inches of paradise