After the child is 2 years old, the parents often do 4 things, which are ruthlessly destroying the child's ability to resist setbacks, and also blame the child for being a person who "can't afford to lose".
"Mom, my sister grabbed my toys; Mom, my bricks fell, come and help me; Mom, I lost the game with my sister, what should I do?" Mom, my aunt criticized me. ”
Every day, you can hear the various complaints of the two children. Compared with Coco's "cheeky", the little sister next door cried at every turn, others took her toys and she cried, she played with building blocks and cried, played with other children, lost and cried, went to the early education class two days ago to do something wrong was criticized, and was no longer willing to go to class.
The little sister cried "wow" on the spot, and the teacher was helpless, and her mother could only take her home. The neighbor said to me worriedly: "I will go to kindergarten in September, but the child can't move around, purely can't afford to lose, and when he criticizes, he will die and cry.
She asked me coco if she usually felt that it was okay to scold, and she also smiled hippie when doing wrong things, and felt that her ability to resist setbacks was much better. I said, "Kids are most short of contrarian training right now." And I seem to be right to focus on training since I was a child.
Children with high contrarian quotients will not be discouraged because their parents lose two sentences, others scold a few words, can't do a thing, can't spell toys, and can't try well, but are brave, confident, always positive, and get up when they fall.
For a child, letting the child "afford to lose" is the most important ability. A child who is strong at heart and does not have a random emotional breakdown can never be wrong. Some children cry and make a fuss when they are scolded when they are young, throw things, confront their parents, insult their parents, and when they grow up, they may run away from home, or even jump off a building to commit suicide, in the final analysis, they are fragile in their hearts and have poor ability to resist setbacks.
And this seems to be a small thing, but it affects the child for a lifetime. But parents do not know why other people's children scold a few words and nothing to do, their own children are a "glass heart", in fact, the parents' usual unintentional actions destroy the child's "ability to resist setbacks".
First, over-arranged, spoiled
Now there are fewer children, parents love for their children too much, do not let them try anything, children eat to feed, children drink water to hand to the mouth, children play with toys will not, parents volunteer to play for him. The child has no chance of exposure to failure and is always surrounded by success.
Feel like you can do anything. One day he can't do one thing and he'll be upset and collapse. What parents can do is to let him try more within the child's ability, even if it is not okay, out of the comfort zone, feel the failure and frustration, it is also a good thing.
Second, always hit the child in disguise
The growth of children needs constant encouragement from parents, because they are still young and still in the stage of experimentation, and some things cannot be done to satisfy parents.
Some parents and children who don't have a puzzle will say, "It's too difficult, I don't want to play," and parents will say, "It's really not out of the way, what's so hard about it?" Parents have no intention of saying a word that makes the child think that Mom and Dad don't care about me at all, and I do find it difficult. And the parents' inadvertent words will make the child feel that he can't do anything well, has no self-confidence, and does not dare to try.
Third, parents are too diligent
Many parents are too "diligent", do everything for their children, and do not want to leave any obstacles to their children. The child's puzzle is not good, the parents rush to fight for the child, there is an object in front of the child, the parents quickly come and move away.
Therefore, when a child encounters difficulties, he does not think of his own way, but waits for his parents to help him, and waits for his parents to help him solve his difficulties. It should be appropriate to let go, let the child solve the problem by himself, and when he encounters more problems, the child will naturally learn to solve it by himself.
Fourth, love to talk about success, rarely say failure
Frustration education is an important lesson, and it is also a lesson that parents ignore. It is normal for children to fail, and parents discuss with their children how they feel after failure and understand him from the child's point of view. Tell him what he should do the next time he fails?
Let the child realize that setbacks are not terrible, it doesn't matter if you do it wrong, it doesn't matter if you don't do it right, just try to do it. You can also talk about how you or others face setbacks.
My usual method is to take my children to read picture books and see how the brothers and sisters in the story should face failures, sadness, collapses, and sad things. You don't say it works really well.
1. Through the guidance of the role models in the story, let the children experience and feel the setbacks, understand that some of their behaviors are not terrible, they are not alone, but like them, as long as they work hard, they can do it.
2, all aspects of improvement, to solve the child timid, afraid, afraid of losing the game, afraid of saying the wrong thing, being bullied, unhappy, facing difficulties, being isolated, etc., so that children can quickly improve emotional intelligence and anti-setback ability, become an emotionally stable child.