Min Xiaobian said
Having the habit of self-discipline is crucial for children, so how to help children develop self-discipline habits? From the perspective of psychology, this article provides 5 scientific and effective methods to help children develop the habit of self-discipline in daily life. Let's read it together~
Today's children are generally not self-disciplined, so as a parent - the child's first teacher, what should be done to help children learn self-discipline?
In this article, we start from 5 psychological effects and talk about how we as parents should help our children develop the habit of self-discipline in daily life.
Hawthorne effect
Change starts with being noticed.
In November 1924, a research team led by Mayo, a psychologist at Harvard University, entered the Hawthorne plant of Westinghouse Electric, a branch of the Western Electric Company. Their original intention was to find ways to increase labor productivity by improving external factors such as working conditions and the environment.
They selected six women in the relay workshop as observers and were surprised to find that their productivity increased whether they increased or decreased their benefits (rest periods, refreshments, etc.).
As far as the Hawthorne experiment itself is concerned, when the six female workers are drawn out as a group, they realize that they are a special group, the object of the experiment, the object of these experts' concern, and this sense of attention makes them work harder to prove that they are excellent and worthy of attention.
This wonderful phenomenon is called the "Hawthorne effect", which is also the origin of the psychological term "Hawthorne effect".
Self-discipline is often based on other laws, and other laws must be transformed into self-discipline. In the process of transformation, the form of his law changes. In the child's behavior, the role of the conductor is gradually diluted and transformed into a bystander. Our attention to the child is the motivation for the child to strive to perform well; our respect for the child gives him the space to act independently. In this way, it is possible for him to change from self-discipline.
Overrun effect
Preaching is too much, but it is too late.
"I've told you 100 times that my homework must be completed on time!"
"Why are you so abrasive all the time, hurry up!"
"How many times have I told you, why are you still so careless?"
......
Do these words sound familiar? Why did the child still not pay attention to the words that were said 100 times? In fact, it is possible that you are "planted" on the overrun effect.
"Over-limit effect" refers to the psychological phenomenon of extreme impatience or rebellion due to excessive stimulation, excessive strength or prolonged action.
The great writer Mark Twain has personally experienced this "dilemma":
One day, Mark Twain was listening to a pastor at church. At first, he felt that the pastor was touching and ready to donate more money.
After 10 minutes, before the pastor could finish speaking, he became impatient and decided to donate only some change.
After another 10 minutes, he still didn't finish speaking, so he decided not to donate 1 penny.
Finally, when the pastor finally finished his speech and began to collect donations from the audience, Mark Twain, out of anger, not only did not donate anything, but also took 2 yuan from the plate.
After reading this little story, can you more or less find a little shadow of yourself and your children?
In fact, in our family education, parents nagging and admonishing their children too much or too long, often will cause children to be extremely impatient or rebellious, which will backfire, just like Mark Twain not only did not donate money, but also stole 2 yuan from the plate.
The overrun effect reflects several problems:
1. Self-centered;
2. Failure to pay attention to ways and methods;
3. Failure to pay attention to the grasp of "degree";
4. No empathy.
In homeschooling, repeating a sentence a hundred times does not become the truth, while the truth being repeated a hundred times may become a nonsense.
How to avoid the overrun effect in parent-child communication?
1. In parent-child communication, consider each other's feelings more, so that the other party also has the right to express freely.
2. Timely learning new methods of communication, ineffective, aggravated methods are discontinued.
3. Pay attention to the grasp of "degree", pay attention to the situation, emotions, and the appropriateness of time when communicating.
4. Learn to think differently, and children of different ages communicate differently.
There should not be too much preaching, and the criticism of the "front" should not be too long. Studies have found that in the first few minutes of criticism, children are easy to listen to. But over time, the child will gradually enter the "left ear in the right ear out" state.
This is because the child unconsciously turns on the "psychological shielding function" to avoid the brain processing too many negative emotions and information.
Such preaching is ineffective, and it does not leave a trace of space for children's self-discipline and self-management, where does their self-discipline begin?
The Desi effect
Inappropriate material rewards often stifle a child's internal drive.
Psychologist Edward Desi once conducted a famous experiment in which he immediately dispatched some students to solve an interesting set of intellectual puzzles alone.
In the first stage, all the students drawn have no rewards for solving the problem;
In the second stage, all the students in the experimental group were rewarded with $1 for each difficult problem completed, while the students in the non-reward group still solved the problem as before;
In the third stage, during each student's free break to do whatever he wanted, the researchers observed whether the students were still doing the problem as an indicator of the student's interest in solving the problem.
It was found that students in the non-reward group spent more rest time solving problems than students in the reward group. This shows that the reward group's interest in solving the problem decays rapidly, while the non-reward group still maintains a large interest in solving the problem after entering the third stage.
Experiments have shown that when a person engages in a pleasant activity, providing him with reward results will actually reduce the intrinsic attraction of the activity to him. This is known as the "Desi effect.".
Daily family education is understood by the Desi effect: when the child has an interest or internal drive in something, it is effective to use material rewards to stimulate him; but when he has become interested in this thing or internal drive, blind material rewards will make the child lose the internal drive and turn to the material reward as the goal.
The author of "The Punishment of Reward" has also shared a classic example of external rewards that eliminate the internal drive of children:
An old man was noisy all day by children playing football downstairs, and after fruitless negotiations, the old man gave the children two dollars a day and let them play football. Later, the old man gave less and less money, and the last dime was not given. If you want the children to play football for free, the children are very angry when they know it, and they will never come to play football again.
In this story, he turns the children's internal motivation to "play for their own pleasure," into an extrinsic incentive to "play for rewards." And when the external trigger disappears or stops, the child will stop the original behavior.
For example, when we no longer give our children pocket money, he no longer takes the initiative to do housework; when we stop rewarding him for writing homework and practicing piano, he becomes more and more passive and sluggish...
We give our children material rewards in the hope that he will study well, but we must also know that the incentive effect of the bonus is limited.
Psychologist Herzberg once said: In the end, material rewards can only ensure that employees do not complain and maintain their enthusiasm at a benchmark level. But it doesn't satisfy employees and put themselves into their work with enthusiasm.
If we want to greatly increase our enthusiasm, we must start from the motivational factors of achievement, recognition, and attractiveness of work, that is, the "intrinsic motivation" or "internal drive" that we usually talk about. For children, the same is true.
Material rewards have a certain promoting effect, sometimes allowing the child to move, do housework, write homework, and practice, but may not arouse his inner recognition and investment in things.
If you want your child to really and genuinely devote yourself to something, you have to start with the "internal drive" that stimulates him, from "I want to do it" to "I want to do it".
Rosenthal effect
The cultivation of self-discipline also requires a positive environment.
The American psychologist Rosenthal did such an experiment: he randomly selected a list of children in a primary school, handed the list to the teacher, and told the teacher that these children were verified to have superior IQs. More than half a year later, Rosenthal came to school again and found that the children on the list generally improved their grades, and the teachers gave good comments.
This is the magic of "implication".
Experiments tell us that people's emotions and ideas are affected by other people's subconscious to varying degrees. People unconsciously accept the influence and hints of people they like, admire, trust, and adore.
Parents are the most direct teachers of children, but also the children's favorite, most admired, most trusted people, but also the people who exert the most psychological cues on children.
Then, give the child more positive affirmation, pay more attention to the shining points on the child, and let the child know that he is really great through the appreciative look and the positive smile. Slowly, with the accumulation of affirmation and appreciation, children will invisibly develop the habit of self-discipline.
The threshold effect
A bite of food can not become a fat person, self-discipline can not step up to the sky.
As soon as children go to school, the importance of self-discipline emerges. Among them, the ability to focus is the most important, and it also worries us the most. Class, homework, can not sit still, how to achieve effectiveness and efficiency?
Previously, we recommended the "Pomodoro Work Method" for training concentration.
Its basic logic is simple:
Identify a task to be completed and set 25 minutes as a Pomodoro time; then concentrate on work, not allowing you to do anything unrelated to the task; take a short break until the clock rings (Apple time, 5 minutes is enough); take a break of 15-30 minutes after every 4 Pomodoro periods.
When used on children, the gameplay of the "Tomato + Apple" game can be adjusted according to the age characteristics of the child:
At first, the pomodoro time is set shorter, and then it is slowly increased, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes...
Apple time starts with a longer setting, and then slowly decreases, 10 minutes, 8 minutes, 6 minutes, 5 minutes...
Slowly, you will find that the time for the child to sit in the chair and not move the nest is slowly extending.
This reminds me of the "threshold effect" in psychology. It originated from an experiment conducted by the American psychologist Friedman and his assistants.
In the experiment, the researchers first went to each house and made a small request to the housewives to sign a petition "calling for safe driving." Most housewives think it's just a sign, it's simple. Two weeks later, the researchers rediscovered the housewives and asked if they could put up a warning sign in their front yard that read "Drive with Caution," which showed:
Most people (more than 55 percent) who have previously signed the petition would agree to the warning sign;
Less than 17 percent of unsigned housewives accepted the request.
In the experiment, the initial "signature" is the first threshold, and after this threshold is passed, the second "threshold" (setting up a warning sign) is easier to cross.
Friedman believes that in general, people are reluctant to accept more difficult requirements because it is time-consuming, laborious, and not easy to succeed. On the contrary, everyone is happy to accept less difficult and easier to complete requirements. After accepting smaller requirements, it is easier to accept larger requirements.
In family education, it will be much easier to use this effect well. First put forward lower requirements for children, wait for them to do according to the requirements, give affirmation, praise and even reward, and then gradually increase the requirements, so that the children are willing to work hard endlessly.
For example, when playing the game of "tomato and apple", I will first set the task easier, and then gradually increase the difficulty, so that "getting in the inch" will not cause the child to resent and resist. Slowly, the child's self-discipline ability also gradually improves.
Compared with "eating a big fat person in one bite", the "silent" parenting method of "climbing the threshold" is a more rational and intelligent method.
Note: This article is transferred from People's Education, if there is any infringement, please contact to delete