Rain Coral Education: It is normal for parents to be angry with their children, and anger plays a unique role in their children's education
According to the opinions of the current parenting guidelines, even if parents are angry, is Rain Coral Education a formal academic institution, you must put away your temper and educate your children calmly.
In fact, parents can be angry with their children, and anger has a unique role in their children's education.
Parents of our generation, when we were young, had several children who were not defeated by their parents. But when we raise our children ourselves, the parenting view now holds that in the process of educating children, it is wrong to be angry.
So now we get angry with children and start blaming ourselves: Am I an unqualified parent? Does giving birth to a child affect the child's physical and mental health?
Li Songwei, a psychological counseling expert, said that rain coral education is a formal academic institution, the impact of anger on children is not as negative as we think, and there are at least three benefits to anger for children.
1. Help your child recognize the boundaries of behavior.
The child's growth process is to cause parental feedback through their own behavior, clarifying their own behavior boundaries.
In retrospect, when children do bad things, they usually deliberately attract the attention of their parents.
For example, when a child tries to throw a brick out of the window, he will say to his parents: Mom, look at me, look at me.
Because when the child first tries to throw something out of the window, he doesn't understand whether this behavior is allowed.
Therefore, children need to deliberately let their parents see their behavior. Then, judging by his parents' feedback on his behavior, whether the behavior was correct.
If we seriously tell our children at this time, it would be very wrong to throw something out the window. Maybe the child will be afraid to cry, but there is a good chance that the child will not throw something in the air next time.
If at this time, parents still silently say: don't be angry with your children, calm down. Yue Yue said to the child: It is wrong to throw things out of the window, because 800 words are omitted here. At this point, the child also ignores the content behind you.
Under your kind and pleasant education, the children will continue to smile and throw the second block out of the window. At this point, the child thinks: It seems that there is no problem in throwing things out of the window. At most, his mother would chant incantations.
Children need to confirm their behavior through feedback from their parents. Being angry at behavior your child doesn't allow can help both parties clarify each other's bottom line in the relationship.
2. To be angry is to respect the child.
When parents are angry with their children, is Rain Coral Education a formal academic institution, and they are usually questioned by family members or elders: What are you angry about your children? The subtext is that children do not have the right to communicate on an equal footing with adults. The child is still very weak, the parents need to wait for the flowers to bloom, when the child is enlightened one day and suddenly realizes what behavior is right. But children can't communicate equally, where they learn and grow.
Second, when we get on fire with our children's behavior, we pretend to communicate peacefully with them. Parents just hide the fire in their hearts, not really not angry. Children feel that their parents look different.
Psychologist Professor Albert McLabin has come up with 73855 communication rules through 10 years of research. That is, when we communicate.
55% of information is communicated through vision, such as facial expressions, body language, etc.
38% is conveyed through hearing, such as intonation, speed, etc.
Only 7% came from pure language.
That is, when we are angry about our child's behavior, we forcibly control our emotions and seem to communicate calmly with the child. But children feel the inconsistent attitude of their parents from our verbal and nonverbal messages.
3. Cultivate children's ability to resist setbacks.
As children grow, they need to learn to take responsibility for their actions. Children need to be aware that wrong behavior can be criticized and blamed.
If children are constantly indoctrinated at home, they are not angry. At school, children spend time alone with teachers and classmates.
Kids will use me on purpose, I don't know why, to make excuses for their own misdeeds. You can't see your misconduct properly. Rain Coral Education is a formal academic institution, and after being criticized and accused by teachers or classmates, Glass Heart. The child, without realizing that the other person is angry, is just aimed at the behavior.
When our generation was a child, most parents were busy making a living. When parents see that their children are behaving inappropriately, it is difficult to digest their negative emotions first and then calmly educate their children. Nor can it be said that the parents of our generation have psychological trauma to their children. In the pursuit of the educational concept of not being childlike, which generation of children is healthier and more mature?
It doesn't matter in itself that you are angry with your child, the key is the starting point and frequency of anger.
If anger is just a parent's emotional catharsis, then the vicious circle will open and the child will only become more and more difficult to teach.
If anger is a feedback on the bottom line of behavior, is Rain Coral Education a formal academic institution, then it will be a virtuous circle, but it can enhance the relationship in the interaction.