Marriage is a practice.
There has never been a natural pair, and the so-called co-production is slowly grinding out little by little.
As the saying goes, there is a sacrifice to get. If you want to be happily married, you must go through three "abandonments".
Give up the illusion of a perfect marriage
Wenger Jolly said in The Law of Happy Marriage:
"In this world, even the happiest marriages have 200 thoughts of divorce and 50 times of strangling each other in their lifetime."
In this life, nothing can be perfect, and marriage is the same.
Many people tend to have too many unrealistic fantasies about life after marriage before marriage.
For example, the romance under the moon before the flower, the thought of twilight, the harmony without quarrels.
But not long after marriage, I found that everything was different from what I imagined.
There is less romance under the moon before the flower, more is the reality of chai rice oil and salt.
Occasionally, they are worried, but they often dislike each other.
As for quarrels, they are even more habitual.
This is true marriage.
There is a line in the movie "Only Yun Knows":
"Don't believe the myths of Snow White, in fact, all long-term couples must have had the idea of leaving."
If you want to be married for a long time, you must give up the idea of pursuing "perfection" as soon as possible.
Moderate tolerance and concessions will make the relationship between husband and wife more harmonious.
Give up the obsession with transforming each other
Tu Lei said such a sentence in "Love Defense War":
"Don't try to change an adult's personality, you can't change it."
Indeed it is.
When a person reaches a certain age, he has his own imprint, including his thinking, personality and habits, which are basically fixed.
This has a great relationship with the environment of his original family and the life experience of the first half of his life, which is not cultivated overnight, let alone completely changed in a moment and a half.
Many people will have a lot of dissatisfaction with their other half after marriage.
For example, I think he is not careful and considerate, not gentle and romantic, not good at interpersonal communication, and not too ambitious.
So you will try hard to change him, hoping that he can become what he wants.
However, such an effort, in the end, is only a wasted work, not only has little effect, but even destroys the feelings of husband and wife.
Because when you reform him, you actually put a heavy shackle on him, so that he completely lost the freedom to be himself.
Such a marriage will make him feel depressed and afraid.
Don't want to transform each other at every turn, since you choose to be together, you must learn to respect each other and accept each other.
Abandon the habit of blaming the other person
Marriage allows you to form a new family, and from then on the husband and wife become a community.
On the road ahead, you share honor and disgrace, you are in the same boat through thick and thin, and you will never again think about yours or mine.
Such a simple truth, in fact, everyone understands, but how many people can really do it?
Many people are used to taking credit to themselves and pushing responsibility on each other, even husband and wife.
As soon as something goes wrong, they start blaming each other.
Arguing for half a day, summed up in one sentence: it's all your fault.
Marriage brings two people together, the original intention is to make you hug each other, blessed and enjoy the same hardships.
But now it has become one more person who can throw the pot and push all the responsibility on the other party.
How can such a marriage last?
Someone said:
"Fighting for right and wrong in feelings is nothing more than: those who win, hurt their feelings; those who fight for loss, hurt their hearts." In the end, both sides were defeated. ”
Deeply.
Couples together, there is really no need to distinguish between right and wrong.
When you encounter a problem, the most important thing is how to work together to solve it, rather than rushing to clear yourself.
Good marriages come out little by little.
Let go of those unrealistic fantasies, give up those meaningless quarrels, put your hearts together, understand and tolerate each other, and marriage will be happier and longer-lasting.