01
I graduated from college 10 years ago, got a diploma on the front foot, and got a marriage license with my lover on the back foot, and gave birth to my eldest son a year later.
Since I have been around the family since graduation, I have a little anxiety about returning to the workplace. In order to prove myself, I put in more effort than others, and almost every day I was the last to leave the company. My business ability has been continuously improved and I have been recognized by the leadership. Although the salary was not very high at that time, I felt sincerely satisfied to be able to continue to grow in my position.
In my third year of work, I unexpectedly became pregnant with my second child, and this sudden surprise made our whole family very excited. Everything went smoothly in the pregnancy test process, and with the experience of having a baby, I am full of confidence in giving birth to the second treasure.
In the blink of an eye, when it came to the day of the appointment for caesarean section, from admission to the operating room, my veteran mother was both calm and excited. When I heard Erbao's first cry, the warmth of my heart made me feel the joy of motherhood again, but a moment later, a word from the doctor poured a large basin of cold water on me, and Erbao's fingers and toes were both pointed together, that is, deformed hands and feet.
My mood was like a roller coaster falling from the apex to the bottom, although the doctor said that when the child grows up, he can recover through surgery and should not affect growth and development. But looking at Erbao's abnormal hands and feet, the haze in my heart did not diminish in the slightest. Enduring the pain after the caesarean section, I silently told myself:
Be strong
。
My husband heard that his son had a point and pointed, and his mood was also extremely depressed, I looked at him with a sad face, and forced himself to calmly and relieved: "Erbao's hands and feet and toes can be separated by surgery later, and there is no problem with other organs." Unexpectedly, the lover coldly replied: "Now that the child is still young, I don't know if there will be any other problems in the future." ”
His indifferent words stung my heart, and I felt the wound hurt even more, and my head swirled with the heavens. Although I knew that he had a hard time accepting this reality for a while, as a woman who had just undergone a cesarean section, I could not feel the little warmth from him.
02
Anxiety and bad emotions make us almost become insulators of love
After being discharged from the hospital, my mother-in-law came to help me take care of the confinement, and when she saw the baby for the first time, not only did she not comfort me, but said with disgust: "What a sin, how are the hands and feet like this, it must be that you usually don't pay attention, and you also like to eat salmon sashimi, and get the baby deformed." ”
Accused by my mother-in-law for no reason, I was both angry and aggrieved in my heart, no one wanted the baby to have an accident, the cause of the deformity of hands and feet was not even clear to the doctor, how the mother-in-law was kind enough to push the responsibility on me! At that time, I was in a very low mood, coupled with the pain of the wound, the baby often cried, and I needed to hold it without leaving my hand for a moment, so I did not want to respond more in the face of my mother-in-law's accusations.
The next day the mother-in-law helped Erbao change diapers, I watched her clumsy movements, worried about hurting the baby, when Erbao's crying sounded, I instinctively pushed away the mother-in-law's hand: "You will hurt the baby so hard, let me change it!" ”
I pushed my mother-in-law away completely by unintentional instinct, but I didn't expect my mother-in-law to be unhappy immediately, and scolded: "What did you give birth to?" I'm here to help now, not to be blamed by you, you're so powerful, confinement yourself! After saying that, he scolded and left.
My mother-in-law left suddenly, my lover was busy at work, and I could only endure the pain of the wound and the mental breakdown during the confinement and take care of my son alone. Erbao is also a high-demand baby, who has been unable to sleep regularly since birth, and every time I have to hold it for a long time. Maybe at that time, he also felt the unfriendliness of the outside world and thought that I was the only one in his small world.
Indeed, I will not abandon him no matter what, and since the deformity of his hands and feet can be surgically corrected, I believe that he will be a healthy child in the future.
I wanted my lover to stand with me and love our children together, but during that time, he disappointed me greatly. On the morning of the fifth day of confinement, because I had not slept much in a few days, I hoped that he could help take care of the baby for a day and let me rest, but he refused me on the pretext that he still had to go to work. I got into a big fight with him, and when I got angry, he slammed the door and left.
I was desperate, but the child was both my weakness and my armor, looking at the two treasures sleeping soundly in the swaddling,
I told myself: Be strong, since others can't be trusted, I will grit my teeth and hold on
After the end of the maternity leave, under the coaxing of my husband, my mother-in-law's anger basically disappeared and she continued to come back to help us. And I began to go out early and return late.
Although there are mother-in-law to help with the children, the older generation of parenting is to eat enough to ensure safety, so the mother-in-law rarely takes the children out outdoors. The eldest son spoke late, three and a half years old to express more fluently and clearly, and later went to kindergarten, contacted more children, and his personality became more cheerful.
I was busy at work all day, but when I thought about the growth of my two sons, the anxiety and guilt in my heart increased day by day.
03
Slow down to feel the love around you
When my youngest son was almost 3 years old, we were ready to do corrective surgery for him, during that time my lover was extremely nervous, checking a lot of information every day to find out which hospital was more authoritative, and finally we decided to do corrective surgery in Guangzhou Children's Hospital.
Before and after the operation, the lover accompanied the young son throughout the operation. Because Erbao is young, every time the needle is drawn and the blood is examined, he always cries with special resistance, and the lover will try his best to gently coax his son to be happy and patiently wait for his emotions to calm down. In the end, the younger son successfully completed the corrective surgery, and a big stone in our hearts also landed on the ground when the son was pushed out of the operating room, and I found that my lover was secretly wiping away tears.
It turns out that the lover's love for the child is no less than mine, but the pressure of life and the anxious emotions wrap our soft hearts.
During that time, I began to reflect, we work hard to pursue a happier life, but in fact, the happiness of life is around, close to it is almost at hand, as a mother, seeing children grow up healthily, with a happy family, is not exactly the happiness I pursue?
After my younger son's surgery, I resigned. After returning to the family, I picked up my two sons every day, told them interesting stories, prepared delicious meals, gently helped my eldest son with his homework, and took them on a trip on holidays to see them along the way. Slowly, the two children became more and more lively and happy.
Once when my eldest son came back on the school bus, I went to the station to pick him up, and occasionally heard a conversation between him and his classmates, which I will never forget, he said: "Who said my mother was not around?" My mom now spends every day with me and my brother and plays with us, and I'm happy. At that moment, I was moved to tears.
Today, Erbao is 4 years old, he is lively, cute and smart, and he comes home every day happy to tell me about kindergarten life. Seeing children grow up confidently, I felt the peace of mind and joy that I had not seen for a long time.
After returning to the family, I almost never felt anxious or irritable again, and when I really slowed down to feel life, I also saw more advantages of my lover, as well as his love and contribution to the family.
Since we no longer need to take care of our children every day, my mother-in-law also has more time to enjoy her old age. Every weekend we would take our children to visit her, and her mother-in-law's temper was much calmer, and she would always make a table of food for us, and often told the children that they should listen to me at home.
Now, although our lives are not rich, they are smooth with beauty. This is exactly what I was expecting happiness to look like. Temporarily returning to the family is also an opportunity for self-recharge and growth, and when the children are older, I will return to the workplace and continue to pursue self-worth in my career.
Thanks to the arrival of the children, let me find the original intention of life, the future hope that our family of four can get better and better, I will also cherish every day with my family.
Because, the present moment is all.