The time of second childbirth is exquisite, and the age difference between the two children will affect the child's personality development

After being a full-time mother for three years, now that the baby has enrolled in school, he has returned to the workplace, has a new understanding in parenting, kindergarten, family, marriage, emotions, etc., and is still the mother who likes to share, hoping to share more topics that can collide with sparks and dry goods with babies...

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Nanjing yesterday's new confirmed cases were zero, the weather improved, and the number of people active in the community increased.

Today, when I took the baby to the garden of the community center to ride a bicycle, I met many babies of the same age as the baby, and the parents got together and chatted warmly.

There is a baby named Jingjing who seems to be particularly out of place, and it is her father who takes her with her.

Jingjing is a relatively special baby, now 3 years old, does not like to share, can not play with other children, even if it is a public facility, she also refuses to share.

She stood on the treadmill to play, and another little girl of similar age ran over and wanted to play, and Jingjing began to cry.

A mother said softly to Jingjing: "Everyone has to line up to play, can't let you play alone, this fall will go to school, you will have no friends like this." ”

Jingjing cried even more sadly, and she cried while saying to her father, "They criticize me..."

The mother quickly said, "Oh, there is no criticism of you, then you continue to play..."

The little girl was still crying, and the more she cried, the more she cried, and her father was helpless and picked her up.

A mother asked Jingjing's father, "Does she like her sister?" ”

Jingjing's father sighed and said, "I don't like it, her toys are forbidden to be touched by her sister, and her personality is so strange... We went home first..."

After he left, the mothers began to talk about Jingjing, the child is not from the beginning, the personality change gap in the past two years is large, mainly related to the parents and the family environment.

The baby was left unattended, and the mother was pregnant with a second child

When Jingjing was more than one year old, her personality performance was cheerful and she liked to join in the fun, but now it is completely different.

The situation in their family is more complicated, at first her grandmother took her, because grandma and mother did not get along well, the mother could not accept the way the grandmother brought the baby, could not accept that her family's little baby was taken by the grandmother into a soil monkey, the grandmother herself was not willing to continue to take the baby, the grandmother returned to the village, the grandmother came to continue to take the baby.

When Grandma took the baby, she often played in the grass with Jingjing, or took her outside to walk, rarely gathering in groups.

After Grandma came, for a while Jingjing adapted well and played with other children.

But Grandma only stayed for half a year, because there were still grandchildren to bring, so she went back to her hometown, and Grandma continued to come and take the baby.

Grandma still likes to walk around with the baby on her back, hides when she sees people, and doesn't like to get together.

Since that time, Jingjing has gradually become reluctant to play with children.

When Jingjing was less than 2 years old, her mother was pregnant, her mother was not in good health, and the time spent with Jingjing became less, until the end of last year, the second daughter was born, Jingjing's personality became more and more strange, often bursting into crying, and making emotions at every turn.

Everyone does not understand, the first birth has no one to help bring, the old man with the baby is reluctant to bring, why should you have a second child?

2-year-old children, it is the time when the requirements for companionship and love are relatively high, the mother is pregnant, gives birth to a second child, and spends less time with the child, and the child's personality will definitely be affected.

When a child behaves strangely, we should not criticize the child, or directly label the child, we should rationally analyze the reasons, analyze the impact of the family environment on the child, and then solve the problem from the root.

The timing of the birth of the second child has an impact on the personality of both children

There is a "birth order effect" in psychology, this theory has existed for more than 100 years, first proposed by psychology pioneer Alfred Adler, the content of which is that in a family, the birth order of children directly affects the child's personality.

When the eldest was born, it occupied all the resources, and then the younger brothers and sisters were born one after another, and for the boss, it experienced a huge psychological change, and it was precisely because of this sudden change that the boss's personality was easy to be sensitive, and after the second was born, because he got more attention, it was easy to lack empathy.

However, this theory has been questioned by many people.

But the two children are born in different orders, which will have different effects on personality, which is certain, but this influence cannot be absolute, and it is also directly related to the family environment and the guidance of parents.

In addition, the timing of the birth of the second child has an irreversible impact on the relationship between the eldest and the two children.

When is the most beneficial to having a second child, which is most conducive to the development of the child's personality?

Psychologists in the United States pointed out that the age difference between two children directly affects the relationship between two children.

The smaller the age difference between children, the more conducive it is for two children to maintain intimacy.

For example, the age difference between the two children is seven or eight years old, the childhood of the two children basically does not coincide with the time period, and the two children are also growing up separately, which will appear more distant.

But if the age difference between two children is less than 3 years old, it is easy to maintain a degree of intimacy, because they grew up almost at the same time.

In fact, the difference between the two children is 1 year old, it is best to get along, at this time the boss does not know, do not understand the competition, the second has just been born, almost at the same time to grow up, but the birth interval is too short, for the mother, the pressure is too great.

The age difference between the two children is 2 to 3 years old, which is very easy to get along with, but the premise is that there are enough people at home to take care of the children, which does not affect the output of the mother's love for the boss.

The family mentioned in the opening paragraph obviously does not meet this situation, and when it does not meet this situation, it is obviously unwise for the eldest to have a second child around the age of 2.

When the difference between the two children is 4 years old, the eldest already has a certain degree of self-care ability, and can also take care of younger siblings under the guidance of parents, parents can have enough energy to take care of young children, and the age difference between the two children is not too big, which is a good time point.

The key is to look at the guidance and education of parents and the family environment

In fact, these are objective, when parents can handle the relationship between their children well, when they can give their children sufficient companionship, when they can treat different children rationally, all problems are solved.

Many facts have proved that the eldest personality is not necessarily sensitive, but may also be very responsible, the second personality does not necessarily lack empathy, but also is likely to have a high ability to empathize, and all this is directly related to the guidance and education of parents.

When we see a problem baby, or when the problem child, really do not rush to criticize the child, the child is helpless, he can not choose the family and parents, in the established environment and influence, he can only develop ahead.

Instead of doing useless complaints and criticisms that cause further harm to the child, it is better to calm down and think about your attitude and companionship methods, and try to provide a harmonious, warm and loving growth environment for the child.