Rollo May (1909-1994) is known as the "father of American existential psychology" and an outstanding representative of humanistic psychology. He introduced European existential philosophy and psychological thought to the United States, pioneering American existential psychology and existential psychotherapy.
Rather than european psychologists who attach importance to the speculative analysis of existence, he pays more attention to the analysis of the actual existence of human beings (that is, the sense of existence), especially the living conditions of human beings under the circumstances of modern society, emphasizes human potential and constructiveness, and is committed to promoting clients to rediscover the value of self-existence.
Who are we?
What should we do?
What are the main internal problems of people living in our time? The symptoms of disorder that people describe are unhappiness, inability to decide on marriage or career, generalized disappointment and meaninglessness in life, and so on.
But what exactly is behind these symptoms?
Empty people
Emptiness means not only that many people do not know what they want, but also that they usually do not have any clear concept of their feelings.
They have no clear experience of their desires and needs. Therefore, they will feel that they are wavering in one way or another, with pain and powerlessness, because they feel empty, empty.
For example, the main complaint that prompts them to come to them for help may be that their love relationship is always broken, that they are unable to complete their marriage plans, or that they are dissatisfied with their partner. But they want their partner (whether realistic or ideal) to fill in some sort of deficiency and emptiness within them, and will feel anxious and angry that the other person can't do it.
Usually, they are able to fluently discuss what they "want" — successfully completing a degree program, a decent job, a relationship, a family — but soon this will come to light, and they themselves understand that they are describing what other people—parents, professors, bosses—expect them to do, not what they themselves want to do. The individual himself is often aware that pursuing these external goals does not help him, but only makes his problems more difficult because he has little confidence or sense of reality about his goals.
As one person put it: "I am nothing more than a collection of many mirrors that reflect what everyone else expects of me".
T.S. Eliot wrote a prophecy in 1925:
We are empty people
We are stuffed people
Lean on each other
The brain was filled with straw.
alas
There are shapes but no forms, and there are shadows but no colors
Paralyzed strength, posture but no movement...
The greatest danger of this situation of emptiness and powerlessness is that sooner or later it will lead to painful anxiety and despair. If left uncorrected, the end result is the atrophy and depletion of the individual's psychology.
lonely
Feelings of emptiness and loneliness are inseparable. For example, when people talk about the breakdown of a romantic relationship, they usually don't say they feel sad or humiliated by the loss of their loved one, instead, they usually say that they feel "hollowed out" and that losing the other person leaves a "cracked void" inside.
Social acceptance and "being liked by others" have such great power is because they can prevent loneliness from approaching.
A man is surrounded by a comfortable warmth; he has blended into the group, he has been absorbed again—in extreme psychoanalytic symbolism, as if he were about to return to the womb. He was temporarily freed from loneliness, but this came at the cost of abandoning his existence as an independent entity. And he gave up something that would eventually allow him to overcome loneliness constructively, which was to develop his inner resources, strength, and sense of direction.
anxiety
Anxiety is another characteristic of modern man, and it is even more fundamental than emptiness and loneliness. Each does not need us to prove to Him that we live in an age of anxiety.
When a person is constantly caught up in anxiety over a period of time, his body is vulnerable to psychosomatic diseases. Anxiety is a common psychological common feature of many psychosomatic disorders– ulcers and many different forms of heart disease.
We are anxious because we don't know what roles to pursue and what principles of behavior to believe in. It is a basic confusion and confusion about where we should go, about goals and values.
This confusion —this confusion about who we are and what we should do — is the most painful thing about anxiety.
The positive, hopeful side, though, is that just as anxiety destroys our sense of self, self-awareness can destroy anxiety. That is to say, the stronger our sense of self, the more we can resist and overcome anxiety. Like fever, anxiety is a sign that some kind of inner struggle is ongoing. Just as fever is a case where the body is mobilizing its body's internal strength to fight a bacterial infection, anxiety is evidence that a psychological or spiritual war is underway.
All our lives, we've been exploring — who am I?
Only then will we be able to find centers of self-power that will enable us to resist the chaos and confusion around us.