01
Hope that the daughter becomes a phoenix, and the son becomes a dragon, and there are ancient ones.
During the Jin Dynasty, the politician Xie An asked his children and grandchildren: "Children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren, but we always want them to be outstanding. ”
The children and grandchildren did not know how to answer, and a general next to them said: "It is like Zhilan and Yushu, and people want them to grow in their own courtyard." ”
Admittedly, all parents want the best children in the world to be in their own homes.
Contrary to wishes, other people's children are always better. This causes parents to be grumpy and then do everything in their power not to let their children lose at the starting line. As everyone knows, some behaviors, counterproductive, will make children slowly become stupid.
02
First, if you help too much, your child will become lazy.
Perhaps, your family often has this behavior: the child is busy writing homework, but the teacher has arranged another online test. The parents did not hesitate to say "I will be fine", and soon finished the online test and got a perfect score.
Helping children do something is a problem that parents should think about, but they can't "cross the line".
In life, there are always some children, when they are in high school, they can't wash their clothes, they have never cooked a meal, and they can't cook even simple noodles. If the parents are not at home, the child will order takeout, or go to a nearby restaurant to eat, and the ability to take care of themselves can be seen.
I have seen a message: a female college student, will not take care of themselves, parents will release a message, ask a babysitter, follow behind, wash clothes, hygiene, etc.
There are also some families where, after the children get married, the parents become "nannies" and take care of the housework.
Help too much, let the child be pampered for a long time. First of all, there is no sense of crisis, there are things, the first time is to ask for help from parents; then it is to lose the ability to survive, and develop the habit of waiting for it; and finally it may become an old man, and even the idea of work is not.
03
Second, excessive interference, the child will be disgusted.
There is such a question on Zhihu: "What should I do when I find that my child is in love in junior high school?" ”
Some netizens replied: "There is a small couple in our class, they just have a good feeling for each other." The parents didn't do anything, just told the girl to protect herself. Two months later, the couple broke up. In fact, it is they who make a fuss and do not agree with each other, and there is no good feeling. ”
Most parents, knowing that their children are in love early, have a "buzzing" in their heads, and then angrily scold their children, and then find a way to let their children go to another class, or transfer to another school.
Parents know nothing about the truth of early love, and they do not respect their children's ideas at all.
"Don't sleep late, don't go out on weekends, you must report every hour when you go out, don't chat with anyone of the opposite sex, you must read for two hours a day..." Many families have a very harsh management system, which is aimed at children, but adults can violate it at will.
Guarding the child like "trapped in an iron barrel", the child can only obey, and then step by step into a stupid look, without the "order" of the parents, he does not know what to do.
When the child reaches a certain age and has his own cognition, he begins to rebel and confronts his parents.
04
Third, if you are too laissez-faire, the child will lose control.
I have a father by my side who has great respect for his children, and even if his children make mistakes, they will not say a word of "anger".
One day, the child took the mobile phone to play a game, and at twelve o'clock in the night, he refused to put it down.
The father asked, "Are you ready to go to bed?" ”
The child did not think so, but said: "You pour me a glass of water, I will break through." ”
A child who can give orders to his parents at will is a bad sign.
First of all, the child will feel that he is very free, unsupervised, and doing whatever he wants at home.
Then, when the child enters the society, he will think that everywhere is his "parents", and he must obey himself, confront others at will, and be fearless.
Finally, when a child interacts with people, the relationship is very poor, because the friend will not be willing to be like the "parent" to get used to him.
Over time, out-of-control children, losing their way, will not find reasons from themselves, but resent society.
05
Fourth, excessive luxury, children will be arrogant.
Hugo said, "It is not wise for parents to make their children blessed too early." ”
Zhihuli, netizens "Barabala Old Devil Fairy" described extravagant children in this way: eating and drinking every day, and then going to early education classes and interest classes, burning money fiercely, a class of thousands of yuan, do not care.
The child is a little older, plays everywhere, gets tired of playing at home, goes abroad, and spends money as fast as shredded paper.
The ancients said, "If a loser receives his heart, he is like a ghost becoming a man." ”
It is more difficult to change from a luxurious child to an ordinary person than to ascend to the heavens. Because children have no concept of the economy, it is parents who spend more than ten or twenty years to cultivate.
It is common for people to be worried about children and worry that children will not eat well and sleep well, but once love is excessive, it becomes the life of a drunken fan, the child is abolished, and the child's posture will become "indispensable".
06
Conclusion.
Lu Xun believes that there are two extremes that cannot be taken away from educating children: one is to let them stumble, not to care at all, to be a bully at home, and to go out; second, to give them a cold reception or reprimand all day long, even to fight, so that the child cannot take off, not even jump.
In real life, any extreme way of education is not advisable.
"It is better to teach people to fish than to teach people to fish", children who really have a career need parental discipline, more need guidance, and finally become independent and self-reliant adults.
Children's education should be a process of "emotional interaction", parents use love to impress children and awaken the best side of human nature; children use words and deeds to reflect their own growth and remind parents what they should do.
Of course, to cultivate a child, it is more necessary to teach according to the aptitude, and cannot be generalized.
Give full play to the good nature, control the vicious nature, and yearn for happiness at every step.
Author: Cloth coarse food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The illustrations in this article come from the Internet.