Not long ago, my roommate introduced me to a boy, she said that we are both very suitable in all aspects, let us talk about it.
In terms of conditions, he is a graduate student, with a promising major, a high annual salary, and a good family condition and a handsome appearance.
But after a few encounters, I chose to turn him down.
Seeing this, some people may think that I am too picky, so that the conditions are good, and what kind of choice can be chosen.
Indeed, I don't deny that his hard conditions are good.
But if a person is only good on the outside and not up to standard on the inside, I still won't choose to be with him.
Tell me why I rejected him.
The first time we ate, we inadvertently talked about children, saying that his sister had given birth to two girls.
I said, "The two girls are also very good, and the girls are more intimate." ”
Then I said, "It's okay to have two daughters, you don't need to have any more." ”
He listened and said, "This is unlikely to be in my mother's place." ”
As soon as I heard his words, I became vigilant.
I asked him, "Is your mother a bit patriarchal?" ”
He replied, "Yes." ”
I didn't go on on the subject at the time, but what he said kept ringing in my head.
I don't think you can completely dismiss a person just by saying one sentence and then continue to contact him.
In the second contact, I tentatively talked to him about his having children.
He said his mother's idea was that his wife would have to have a boy in the future, and two boys would do, but at least one.
I asked him, "What if all the children are girls?" ”
He said, "Then keep angry!" ”
I finally asked, "What about your opinion?" ”
He replied, "My mother's opinion is my opinion." ”
The moment he said this, I knew I couldn't get along with this guy anymore.
When I went back, I politely rejected him and explained why.
Why did I resolutely reject him?
First of all, his family favored sons over daughters.
His mother said she had to have a son, which was terrible.
That is, her mind is still stuck in the past.
If I marry into their family, I will have to have children until I have sons, but who can guarantee that I will have a boy all at once?
At that time, if I do not continue to live as she wishes, then there will be contradictions and problems between us.
As soon as there was a conflict between me and his mother, he was needed to reconcile.
And from his words, he agreed with his mother's point of view, that is, he also approved of having a boy.
So, if I have a conflict with his mom, there's a good chance he'll turn to his mom, not me.
If so, then our relationship will eventually break down as well.
Secondly, he is a mother-in-law man.
When I asked him what he thought of his mother's point of view, I actually wanted to take a bit of luck.
If he says he doesn't agree with mom, I'll probably continue to get along with him.
But he said, "Mom's opinion is my opinion," a sentence that not only did not make my impression of him better, but also confirmed my determination not to continue to get along with him.
Because from this sentence, it can be judged that he is a mother treasure man.
Therefore, I chose to reject him.
Judging whether a person is suitable for being an object or whether he can marry is not from small details, but from the big things to grasp, that is, we often say grasp the big and let go of the small.
Among them, there are five kinds of men to choose carefully.
1
Patriarchal men
The terrible thing about patriarchal thinking is that the other party does not treat us as an equal object, but treats us as a reproductive machine that has been passed down from generation to generation.
If we don't give birth to boys, he will force us to continue to have children.
Even if having a child is not good for us and will do a lot of harm, such people will not care, because all they care about is whether we have passed it on to his family.
We need to know that it is impossible to respect us when a man does not treat us as equals.
And how can a relationship and marriage without respect be happy?
2
Mommy Boy
The reason why Ma Bao Men can't marry is that on the one hand, they have no opinion.
Because they were well taken care of by their mothers from an early age, their lives, food, clothing, and housing were all properly arranged.
Thus, they slowly formed a characteristic of no opinion.
On the other hand, the terrible thing about Mommy Boy is that if you have a fight with his mom, he will take his mom's side first.
And, if you and his mom make a decision for him at the same time, there's a good chance he'll listen to his mom, not yours.
Because listening to his mother has become a habit, even he will let you follow his mother's request with him.
Like this guy I dated, he said his mother's opinion was his opinion.
In fact, this means that after I get married, I will listen to his mother, and his mother's words represent his position.
If I disagree, the wrong person is me.
Imagine how you can be happy living with such a type of person.
3
Takao
I don't know if you have heard some boys say: "It is not easy for my mother to raise me, you have to be more considerate of her." ”
Every time I hear a boy say something like this, I think:
"Your mother is not easy, that is caused by your father, not by me, why let me be considerate?"
It is not that the elders are not considered, but that the specific problems should be analyzed on a case-by-case basis.
If what she said and did was right and made sense, then it was understandable to be considerate.
But if she says and does something wrong, do you still have to be considerate of her? ”
The terrible thing about a foolish filial man is that no matter what his mother says or does, in his eyes, he must be right, and his wife is the wrong person.
Because he felt that his mother could not do anything against him.
If he marries such a boy, the girl must be as filial to his mother as he is.
No matter what his mother is, he must be good to his mother, and in their eyes there are all parents in the world.
4
Men without a sense of responsibility
One can be poor, but one cannot be without a sense of responsibility.
When a boy has no sense of responsibility, he has no motivation to struggle, and he has no motivation to bring you a better life.
Such a boy is not self-motivated, and only wants to live a day and count it as a day.
If two people are just in love, it's okay, it involves less stuff.
But if two people enter marriage, all aspects need material things, and he is not motivated, then how can each other live for a long time?
What's more, boys who have no sense of responsibility have no sense of boundaries.
They will flirt with other girls, but they will not care about their girlfriend's feelings.
Living with this type of person, the probability of happiness will be very low.
5
A man of poor character
It is often said that character is a person's hole card.
Without the support of character, everything else is meaningless, and it is futile to have more.
Therefore, when a girl finds a partner, the most important criterion for choosing a mate should be good character.
Because only when the character passes, it is possible to be happy with him.
And men with poor character often bring us harm.
For example, we often see in the news, the murder of wives for profit.
It is precisely because of their poor character that there is such a tragedy.
Of course, in addition to the above five, there are also some characteristics of men can not marry, such as emotional instability, think you climb him, etc., this type of person also have to choose carefully.
Remember one principle: we choose to enter into a relationship in order to be happy.
If this relationship brings us not happiness, but hurt and unhappiness, then we would rather not have such people.
After all, there is a saying that high-quality singles are better than low-quality marriages.
END
Author | Nancy Anhui University master of translation, through the ministry of personnel third-level translation, in-depth research in the field of gender emotions, good at finding problems from emotions and solving problems, so that more people are aware, become a better self.