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In most of the families that grew up in the post-70s and post-80s, there are many children, and these children have different personalities and hobbies. Some children are introverted and behave very honestly on weekdays.
And some children have a lot of eyes from a young age, they are lively and active on weekdays, and they want to mix everything. Parents, on the other hand, are certainly loving when facing their own children, but in the face of different children, it is difficult to achieve a bowl of water.
As the saying goes, raising children prevents old age. When parents face multiple children, which one will they prefer more?
In two-child families, the old general assembly is usually more filial piety
In ordinary families, once they have a second child, parents will hope that their older siblings will take good care of their younger siblings.
When there is a conflict between two children, parents usually ask the boss to make concessions first. If the age gap between the two children is large, the boss will usually take the initiative to make concessions on his own.
Therefore, in the process of the eldest taking care of his younger siblings, he also gained a piece of growth. This growth is that the eldest can not only feel the ardent hope of his parents, but also clearly and clearly feel the psychological hint that "younger brothers and sisters need me to take care of".
Before the younger siblings were born, the responsibility for providing for their parents in the future naturally fell to the eldest person, and there was no idea that "there will be someone to help me take care of my parents", which is why they have another share of responsibility.
At this time, for the eldest in the family, the family relationship is that the younger siblings need to take care of themselves and their parents, and when they grow up, they also have to take care of their elderly parents.
And such a strong sense of responsibility, it is difficult to be able to share it with the second eldest in the family. First of all, the second eldest in the family will think that the parents can be taken care of by the older brothers and sisters, and they can also have themselves and their brothers and sisters to take care of.
This is what most families have in mind. Because of the growing environment, the second eldest in the family's dependence on parents or brothers and sisters is always present in the subconscious.
The second brother has a "subjective retreat" in the matter of filial piety to his parents, which also objectively highlights that the boss is more filial piety.
In addition, the birth of the second child in the family means that the love originally received by the boss will be split into two parts, and the loss of this love will lead to a sense of emptiness in their hearts.
This feeling of not seeing and touching will prompt them to find an entity for themselves, such as the praise of their parents in life, which can make them feel the love of their parents.
On the contrary, once the number of praises by their parents becomes less, their hearts will begin to be anxious, and in order to alleviate this anxiety, they will behave better in front of their parents, and exchange practical actions for their parents' affirmation and praise.
This also forms the objective fact that the family and the old assembly are more filial piety.
In multi-child families, the second eldest is usually more filial
When the number of children in the family is larger than two, we need to introduce a psychological concept of knowledge: the responsibility-sharing effect.
After welcoming younger siblings at home, the eldest, as an independent individual different from his parents, needs to take care of his younger siblings, and the responsibility for providing for his parents at this time will not be shared by the elderly.
But when the third child in the family was born, the eldest and the second child had to take care of him together. The eldest is not independent, this is the eldest and the second together form another "collective" in the family, with the parents to take care of the third.
In this case, the responsibility for the parents to provide for the elderly in the future should be borne by the common "collective" of the eldest and the second elder. Then, since it is the task assigned by this "collective", it is natural that the boss is not alone.
And in the multi-child family, the eldest once enjoyed the love of his parents alone, and the second brother had to share the love of his parents with his brothers and sisters from birth, and when the third was born, the parents' attention would be more focused on the youngest child, which led to the second child always getting the least amount of love, and it was easy to be ignored at home.
Psychological research clearly points out that the attention and recognition of parents to their children is an indispensable factor for their children's growth.
And when the second eldest in the family, as the person who gets the least attention, if he wants to change his parents' attitude towards himself through his own efforts, he will desperately prove his superiority to his parents and tell his parents that he is the child who should be more loved by them, and the child who deserves more attention.
This is also the reason why in multi-child families, the second child is more likely to succeed. They have very strict requirements for themselves, whether in the development of life or in the care of their parents, they strive to do their best, to be better than their brothers and sisters. In the three-child family, it is often the second most filial piety and the most prominent.
When they continue to surpass their siblings in the family, they actually surpass many people unconsciously.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
Edit | Rain
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参考资料：Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018). Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of personality and social psychology, 115(2), 192-205