Sound personality, sound three views, stable emotions, these are a person's greatest value and advantage.
You will find that no matter how good a person's facial features are, they are not as good as his sound three views and reliable personality.
Have you experienced "repressive relationships" in the relationships we've been in contact with?
Common oppressive relationships are:
The other person habitually belittles you, mocks you, never agrees with any of your achievements, and tries to satisfy his fragile self-esteem by suppressing you.
Whether it is between parents and children, lovers, friends or colleagues, this kind of oppressive relationship often occurs.
-01
What are the common "repressive relationships"?
First: between parents and children
For example, the psychology of "hoping for a son to become a dragon, hoping for a woman to become a phoenix".
When parents pour too much expectation into their children, it is easy for parents to behave more extremely.
If the child fails a test, the parents will belittle the child's efforts at this stage.
"You're so stupid, you can't do such a simple question."
"Look at your classmates, everyone is so good, why are you so stupid?"
Children who have lived in this environment for a long time have frustrated self-esteem, and over time they become inferior and lack self-confidence.
Become timid about anything, afraid to express themselves, and not have the courage to pursue what they want.
Second: the relationship between couples and couples
"I really regret being with you"
"Why would I marry a man like you?"
"You look at someone else's wife, and then look at you, every day you have a gray head and a dirty face, and you become a yellow-faced woman."
In intimate relationships, the biggest problem is not emotional discord, but to make each other's relationship into a "suppressive relationship".
One partner constantly belittles the other's efforts in the relationship, and no matter what the other party does, he cannot be satisfied.
Some time ago, a female reader consulted me.
Married for many years, female readers have been playing the role of "full-time wife".
In order to take care of her 2 children, she gave up her good life, gave up the career she loved, and her relationship with her friends gradually drifted away.
Although she has given a lot for the family, she still does not receive the respect and love that her husband deserves.
Instead of giving her any words of gratitude or praise, her husband mocked and belittled her every day.
What is even more excessive is that the husband even proposed the AA system, believing that she had no financial resources and relied on her husband for everything.
In fact, this is a typical "suppression relationship".
Third: the oppressive relationship in work and social interaction
Workplace suppression is something that many people have experienced.
In the face of colleagues' oppression:
Common ways are jealousy, comparison, pointing at you behind your back, giving you small shoes, etc.
Working in a team, everyone's credit is similar, but he occupies your efforts and excludes your position in the company.
In the face of boss repression:
No matter what you give, your boss doesn't give you the rewards you deserve.
Any achievements you have made are not valued by the company; at the same time, the colleagues who have joined the company are not as capable as you, pay less than you, have been promoted and raised, but you are still wandering in the same place.
And the suppression in social networking is more frequent.
Friends always mock you, belittle you, and mock you behind your back.
Getting along with such people is actually constantly depleting our mental strength, and over time, we fall into a state of distress, helplessness and depression.
-02
Why do they "habitually oppress others"?
First: the manifestation of a narcissistic personality
In psychology, there is a personality disorder called "narcissistic personality."
Excessive narcissism often makes a person unable to distinguish between reality and imagination.
They are accustomed to being self-centered, thinking that they are the best, the best, with the feeling and posture of a "privileged person".
When dealing with the outside world:
They are extremely eager to be recognized and praised by the outside world, and hope that everyone's attention is on him.
Once others don't do what he thinks and asks, he falls into a state of anger and extremism.
Habit of belittling, mocking, and suppressing others is a means for them to maintain their sense of narcissism.
Second: jealousy and arrogance
Do you know?
A person who is used to belittling you is essentially jealous of you.
The more jealous a person is, the more he hides his shortcomings by belittling others.
This kind of "inconsistent appearance" behavior can be called "cognitive bias" in psychology.
When the environment they accept, the relationship they experience, is different from what they presupposes in their own hearts, they force themselves to do certain behaviors to adapt.
The arrogant and jealous man, of course, can not see that the people around him are better than him.
In order to hide the inner uneasiness and jealousy, they often choose to suppress others to satisfy the inner emptiness.
Third: spiritual "pua", trying to control others
In the counseling cases I have conducted, many people have experienced the spiritual PUA of their partners in their relationships.
The partner told him by suppressing, mocking, "You can't do it, you're far behind, you can't live without me." ”
If a person's willpower is not firm, self-confidence is poor, and mental strength is insufficient, it is easy to be controlled by this kind of oppressive relationship.
At that point, life will be ruined by the other person.
If your partner happens to be this kind of person, learn to say no and try to stay away from him; the more you live the way he does, the easier it will be for you to be controlled by him.
-03
What should I do if I have encountered a "repressive relationship"?
If you are in such a relationship at the moment, be sure to correct your mindset.
First of all, be at peace with yourself and strengthen your beliefs.
No matter how much you are ridiculed and belittled, you cannot deny your achievements, your efforts, and your abilities.
If your own beliefs collapse and your willpower is affected by others, how can you live?
Therefore, it is important to have the right mindset.
In life, we will meet all kinds of people, and we don't have to be mean to others, let us bear the consequences.
Second, express your grievances and thoughts.
If the other party's behavior or sentence makes you feel uncomfortable, be sure to express your needs and ideas in time.
If you always tolerate it, then he will hurt you even more.
The weakness of human nature is like this: bullying the soft and fearing the hard.
Only when you let the other party feel that you are "not good", they will curb their disrespect for you.
Finally, be sure to stop the loss in time.
In the face of that kind of narcissistic person, the vitriolous person, we can't change them, the only thing we can do is change ourselves.
Since we can't get along, let's stay away.
"Can't afford to provoke, can't hide?"
Stopping the loss in time is not cowardice, but the intelligence of adults.
Leave the wrong person, leave the person who consumes you, and life can be exchanged for more pleasure.
Today's Topic:
Have you ever experienced a "repressive relationship"?
(Article with picture source network)