The moon has clouds and sunshine, the sea has the ebb and flow, the mountains have high and low ups and downs, the flowers have flowers and flowers, and everything in the world has ups and downs. Life is the same, anyone's life, is not a rising line, ups and downs is the norm. Anything that can't beat you will make you stronger. For the strong, the trough is the experience of making life fuller and thicker.
Different people have different choices at the trough, and the results are also very different. Some people choose to deny themselves, and some people break through many difficulties and move forward resolutely. Liu Bang was defeated several times, made a comeback, and won the world; Xiang Yu refused to cross the east, and Wujiang killed himself, and his ambition was difficult to reward.
Yataro Matsuura has a transparent motto of life: "The so-called dilemma of life is just a shackle that you think wildly and set yourself up." "Sometimes, it's not the predicament that traps us, it's our own thinking. If you suffer from gain and loss, you will be struggling; if you care too much, you will be doomed to exhaustion. This feeling of internal friction is like there are always two little people fighting inside, doing nothing every day, but physically and mentally exhausted. Once people fall into a state of self-depletion, sooner or later they will drag themselves into the quagmire of life. Only by stopping internal friction can a person save "energy" and do really valuable things.
Pack lightly, starting with rejecting these four types of internal friction.
At work, worry about the future
There is such a profound story.
Belikov, the protagonist of "The Man in the Condom", always thinks that life will be chaotic, so when he goes out, even if it is sunny weather, he will bring rain gear, wear shoe covers and warm coats. He often lived in his own imaginary worries, and finally died in his worries.
A moderate amount of anxiety can be used as a driving force for progress, but frequent anxiety can only plunge yourself into the abyss of pain.
Some people, when they plan to do something, always think a lot in advance. As a result, the more they think about it, the more difficulties they find, and the more they wander in their hearts, so they constantly ask themselves: Can this really be done? In the end, they simply gave up on action. Many of their plans in life are stifled in the "cradle" due to excessive thought.
There are many reasons why a person is caught in mental attrition, and if you look closely, the root cause of people's troubles is that we think too much about difficulties, think too much about obstacles, and do too little.
If the annoyance is only used by us to chew ourselves repeatedly, without action to dissolve, then it will inevitably snowball and become bigger and bigger, and finally overwhelm us. The ancients said: "Plan and then move." "It means to think clearly before acting." But in many cases, when you think of a perfect way, the time has long slipped away. Therefore, before doing things, you need to think and plan, but you must grasp a good degree, and you don't have to "have everything ready" to dare to act.
Learn to accept yourself, stop the fear of difficulties, let go of the obsession in your heart, don't struggle repeatedly for what has not happened and your own imagination, and take action, you can overcome all internal friction.
In the relationship, clinging to the past
Lu Xun wrote in his essay: "There are too many painful things in life, and those who have a good memory are probably crushed to death by heavy pain; only those with bad memories can survive and live happily." The so-called bad memory is not to completely forget the past people and things, but to no longer cling to the past gains and losses.
Zeng Guofan has a famous saying: the future is not welcome, the time is not complicated, and the past is not in love. The past can no longer be changed, so don't linger. If one is constantly dwelling on the past, one cannot extricate oneself. An inextricable past, like a rattan rooted in the mind, day after day, the older the entanglement, the greater the power of the entanglement.
In relationships, a breakup is not terrible, and divorce is not a failure. The terrible thing is that this wrong relationship ends up with a huge and lasting self-consumption.
Sometimes, what makes you miserable is not the loss, but the time and energy you have been paying for the "difficult peace" in your heart. In the feelings, letting go of each other is also letting go of yourself, learning to say goodbye, saying goodbye to the former lover, but also to say goodbye to the past self.
In communication, care about others
There is nothing more beautiful about life than human interaction.
But sometimes, it is precisely because of these exchanges that troubles breed from our hearts like grass. Too concerned about other people's opinions, in order to take into account the feelings of others and repeatedly accommodated, and finally wronged themselves; in all kinds of relationships, after the bustle, only the tired body and mind remained.
In cognitive therapy in psychology, there is a technique called decentralization. Centralization means the habit of believing that the feelings of others are related to oneself, and that one's actions will affect the feelings of all people. Imagine yourself as someone in the spotlight, feeling like your every move is being watched by others.
Colleagues forget to ask him to eat together, he will feel that the other party does not like him; partners go out to play together, everyone made a joke, but he feels deliberately laughing at himself; send a circle of friends If friends who often like him do not like, he feels that he is not valued; if others chat together, if they do not call him, he feels that everyone is saying bad things about themselves.
Always feeling that you are not good enough is the biggest internal friction in growth. A person, once caught in this state, is like falling into a quagmire, endlessly entangled, internal friction, internal rotation, consuming energy, wasting life.
There's a saying in The Ordinary World that goes something like no other: "If you don't bother yourself, no one else can ever bother you." There is a topic on Douban: "When you break free from the 'eyes of others', what is the experience?" One answer is very poignant: "When my eyes are not on others, but on myself, life gradually becomes clearer." ”
When we care too much about other people's thoughts, we will habitually associate other people's every move with ourselves, and it is easy to bind our own spirit. Once the human mind is led away, there is naturally no happiness to speak of.
In life, most of the troubles and frustrations are the masochism of the cup of bows and snakes, and all the worries and worries are thinking too much. In fact, in the hearts of others, you are as light as a feather, and what you care about is not important to others at all.
When you try not to care too much about the words of others, internal friction will naturally decrease and your life will be more open.
Zhou Guoping once said: "For interpersonal relationships, I have gradually summed up a principle that is most in line with my temperament, that is, mutual respect and closeness. I believe that all good friendships are formed naturally, not deliberately. I also thought that even the best friends should have distance, and friendships that are too lively are often empty. ”
To reduce the internal friction of interpersonal relationships, it is necessary to "reduce one and increase".
"One subtraction" means to break away from your relationship as soon as possible. Those pseudo-friends who smile in front of their faces and say bad things on their backs can just smile politely when they meet in the future, and they don't have to make deep friends. Blindly throwing oneself into one's favor and deliberately maintaining it is the beginning of a person's smoothness and mediocrity.
"One increase" is to chat with those who are interesting and talented, to gain new knowledge, inspiration and strength.
Cut off laborious relationships, remove heavy disguises, and take the initiative to seek the nourishment of good social relationships, and your future can also go sonorously and powerfully.
Household internal friction
Bing Xin once said: A good family is the foundation of all happiness and strength. Friends can leave, but family members can't choose. Household internal friction is often more terrible than personal internal friction. The internal friction of individuals will only reduce the "efficiency" of being a person. The internal friction of the family will make people live unhappily.
The real horror of a family is not poverty, but the consumption of the self. Couples or family members need to have an inclusive heart when getting along, otherwise there will be all kinds of contradictions. When a family is together, good things and bad things will be encountered, and when difficulties are encountered, it is not to face and solve them together, but to complain, picky, lose temper, and blame each other, then home cannot bring you real spiritual nourishment.
In life, some people are very rich in economic conditions, have a car and a house, and do not need to worry about the economy. However, there are still no smiles on their faces, and the family does not get along well. The reason is that each other is constantly consuming each other's love and patience.
Just like Wu Min and Lin Qingkun in the TV series "Perfect Partner", they have had the sweetest memories from love to marriage. But as they spend more time together, Wu Min only complains and blames her husband for her efforts.
Lin Qingkun also couldn't guess what his wife wanted, and every time she communicated, she would end up arguing. In the process of complaining to each other, they gradually withdrew each other's love and expectations, and finally ended the marriage.
The most desperate thing about a family is actually not poverty, but internal friction, and once the distance between husband and wife becomes distant, they can no longer enter each other's hearts. Choose the right partner, your life will enter a new stage, you understand each other, tolerate each other, encourage each other, nourish each other, live a happy life, career smooth life like hanging. Choosing the wrong partner, you are likely to achieve nothing in your life, time and energy into the internal friction of the family, two people accuse each other, demean each other, and tear each other down. Originally I was going to find a person to fight side by side, but I found a war with each other, Fought without a problem, completely sunk into the chai rice oil and salt, and lived a life without expectations, just like the popular passage on the Internet" died at the age of twenty-five and was buried at the age of seventy-five." So Buffett believes that the biggest mistake a person can make, the most important decision in life, is who to marry. Only in the matter of choosing a future partner, if you really choose the wrong one, it will make you lose a lot. And this loss, not only monetary, will also bring you family friction.
Qian Zhongshu said: "If there is a person who does not want to see your pain and tears, or even willing to give everything for your smile, this is a happy city gate." "A happy family has only one appearance, and that is the warmth that comes from irrigation with love and tolerance. A harmonious family knows how to give each other positive energy and will not over-consume each other's efforts. Only by supporting and understanding each other can the family business flourish. When things are not blamed, home and everything are happy, everything is carried together, life can flourish.
Zeng Guofan, known as the "first perfect man", won a show talent seven times in a row, and Zeng Guofan's father never reprimanded him for half a sentence.
Zeng Guofan entered the Beijing examination, not only fell off the list, but also spent all the money he carried with him, Rao was so, Zeng Guofan also borrowed one hundred and two pieces of silver from his father's friend and bought a set of twenty-four histories.
One hundred taels of silver was a considerable sum at the time, but my great-father said, "You read these books with your heart, and I will pay off the debt for you."
It was with his father's unconditional support that Zeng Guofan was able to be angry and strong without distraction.
Although material conditions can increase a family's happiness index, the premise is whether each other can recharge each other. If a family, in the process of interacting with each other, can understand each other, even if they encounter the test of life, they can continue to solve problems with love, then you can definitely feel that the world is beautiful and worth looking forward to. Even if there is no condition for prosperity, you can only rent a house to live, but when your heart is satisfied, you have the strength to face the future of life.
A writer once said, "The most terrifying state I have ever seen of a person is constant internal friction." ”
After all, we mostly have to rely on ourselves for what we want to live.
If you are always in a state of internal friction, life will naturally become more and more bleak.
Only by getting rid of internal friction thinking can we create a better future.
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