Author | Cornices
Source | Read at ten o'clock
ID | duhaoshu
Watched a short film:
A man begins to plan in the morning, what to do that day, which is more appropriate to do first.
He envisioned that many of the plans were not ideal, and until dusk, nothing was done.
The plot is a bit of an exaggeration, but in fact, many people have had similar experiences:
Often trapped in thoughts, and rarely falls into action, so a lot of time and emotions are wasted.
This is the "mental attrition":
Self-depletion caused by the constant internal conflict between emotion and reason.
Its roots lie in "the fear of mistakes and the pursuit of perfection".
How to resolve inner conflicts, from cognition to action to carry out "anti-internal friction"?
Here are 8 tips to help us get out of trouble:
Don't be sleepy for others, don't hurt by words
There is a "focus effect" in psychology, which refers to the fact that we often see ourselves as the center of the world and overestimate the attention that others pay to us.
In fact, different people have different views of you, and others' judgments of you may not be the real you.
We are not commodities, we do not need others to flaunt value, and we cannot influence what others think.
What causes the trouble is not other people outside, but our attitude towards these phenomena.
There are too many opinions from others, and we can't block the mouths of the people;
The sounds of the outside world are too noisy, and we can't stop the crowd from boiling.
Then go your own way and leave other people's mouths alone.
Having the "courage to be hated", the inner firmness, the external speech naturally can not affect us, this is an interaction of energy, very subtle, but also very effective.
Don't put anything on yourself
"He hasn't updated his circle of friends for a long time, is he blocking me alone?"
"Colleagues don't call me when they go out to play, am I offending someone?"
"The leader has not replied to the news, is my job too bad?"
The ups and downs of feelings, the undercurrent of the workplace, let us always speculate about the mentality of others, attributing the reason to ourselves, so we are uneasy, worried, and living more and more tired.
In the face of life's speculation and changes in life, you may wish to deal with it calmly, filter out unnecessary troubles, and have more "blunt sensitivity".
With blunt sensitivity, it is not easy to drill the tip of the horn, will not care too much about the harm, will not add drama to yourself because of the unintentional behavior of others, and naturally will not produce "mental internal friction".
Many people think that the harm comes from others, but in fact, the real harm comes from themselves.
A lot of time in life is sad about imaginary things, and this is the most painful thing.
Stabilize yourself, look at the problem from another angle, don't put everything on yourself, everything will suddenly open up.
Accept your true self
The Japanese writer Itokawa once said: "Accept the true self, admit all its ugly, green parts, and live frankly." ”
Taiwanese media person Jin Weichun, seeing that the hotel's lighting design is very artistic, the mirror in the mirror is very pleasing to the eye, he feels that the mirror at home makes himself a little "distorted", and wants the designer to rectify it.
I don't want to see the "real me", but only want to identify with the "fake me" in the filter.
He was shocked to realize that in the long run, the true and false lives were intertwined, and no one could find their true self.
We constantly prove ourselves to the outside world, but few people look inward and face our true selves.
Everyone is not perfect in life, only by recognizing this and not competing with yourself can you truly enjoy life.
Throwing away the label of "perfect persona" is the beginning of reducing internal friction.
You can look back, but don't look back
In this life, no one is happy with everything, everywhere is beautiful, more or less will make mistakes.
Those who should have done and did not do, left regrets;
Those who should not have done and did, generate remorse.
No matter how many times life is repeated, there will be regrets, so learn more lessons so as not to repeat the same mistakes.
We can look back, but most importantly, not to be eroded by remorse, which, like a poisonous worm, can cause unimaginable damage to the mind.
Don't cry over spilled milk, many tragedies in life come from unresolved regrets.
The past is like smoke, we can't go back, life is long, still have to go forward.
What makes people tired is not the mountains and rivers, the long distance, but the eternal yesterday walking on the road.
Reconcile with the past so that it doesn't mess up your present.
Release negative emotions and go light
Have you ever had a moment in your life like this:
Working overtime until the evening, tired to return home, found that the home was a mess, the child's homework was not completed, and the husband only cared about brushing the mobile phone...
You really want to vent, but for the sake of family harmony, you will suppress your grievances in your heart and digest yourself.
But this taste, only we know how bitter, and these bitterness are devouring our inner sweetness little by little.
When you are tired, you don't need to be too mature, and temporarily let yourself be the little friend who will not be patient.
"Never feel sorry for how you really feel."
Don't hide everything in your heart, don't live with yourself, have a good talk with your husband, negative emotions, you can also express positively.
By releasing the haze, our hearts leave more room for sunlight.
Only by packing light can we go faster and farther.
Less perfectionism, more optimal thinking
If you were to rate your current life, would you give it a perfect score? I'm sure most people won't.
We seek a life that is not only happy, but also perfect – and this is one of the reasons why people are unhappy.
But in fact, excessive pursuit of perfection will only make the burden of life too heavy and overwhelm us.
In the book "Not Clinging, Called Seeing Through; Imperfect, Is Life", it is recommended that we abandon perfectionism and advocate optimal thinking.
Seemingly imperfect tolerance, compromise and concession are the real art of living.
"What if it's not perfect, everything has cracks, that's where light comes in."
See through your own imperfections, not persistent;
Learn the optimal rules of life and don't get tangled.
Less inner drama, more action
"I want to do a short video, but my language is not good, and I guess no one will watch it."
"I want to make an appointment with a well-known writer, will people take care of me as a little editor?"
Everyone has a fear of the unknown, and if we keep falling into it, the fear will amplify infinitely within us and dominate our behavior, eventually defeated by ourselves.
Instead of worrying about gain and loss, it is better to spend energy on making things go smoothly.
It is better to let yourself go through a real experience and fail than to stop thinking of all kinds of unfavorable endings.
Internal friction is the constant confrontation between the abundance of the mind and the barrenness of action.
It is better to make up a big drama in the heart, it is better to put it into action immediately.
Action is the best cure for internal friction.
Break up big goals and start small
It is often seen that some people set up Flags, and very few have really achieved it.
The goal is too idealistic, and the action will feel out of reach, so it is inevitable to suffer from "procrastination".
The more you procrastinate, the more anxious you are, the more you procrastinate, and excessive anxiety triggers emotional attrition and falls into a vicious circle.
What really makes us anxious is not too slow to act, but those goals that are too ambitious for us to achieve in the short term.
Then make "starting" simple, not to pursue one step in place, to learn to step by step.
Refine your goals into things that are easy to do:
To complete the exercise plan, set up a daily run of 500 meters and gradually adapt, instead of running 5 kilometers at once;
If you have to read two books this month, then read 20 pages a day, punch a card after reading it, and the task of one month will naturally be completed.
Low difficulty will not delay, every time you complete a small indicator, you will get a sense of achievement, and unconsciously, you will take down the big goal that you previously felt was far away.
Every time you insist on a period of time, give yourself a little reward: for example, ask a friend to watch a movie, or let yourself "steal half a day of leisure".
Write at the end:
Mr. Mu Xin said: "A person who thinks excessively, acts very weakly. ”
The most difficult disaster in life is actually "tired", which will make you tired and decadent.
A person's biggest internal friction is not to let go of himself.
Inferiority, sensitivity, demanding, regret, depression, anxiety, let yourself be embarrassed so much, it is better to let action, find a way out for us.
Action may not completely eliminate internal friction, but it can certainly dilute our negative evaluation of ourselves.
May each of us get rid of "high energy consumption" and harvest physical and mental ease; open the energy-saving mode and usher in a relaxed life.
Author | Cornices, personal public number: the text of the cornices.
Image | Originated from the Internet, if there is infringement, please contact to delete.