Some time ago, I was caught by this short video on Weibo.
The little girl in the video is going to school on the first day of school, crying and begging her mother to accompany her, but her mother tells her, you know, you can't accompany her!
Don't be afraid, you can go alone, no problem!
Well!
First time to school, first time to buy something, first time to take an exam, first time to cook... There are so many attempts in life, but not every time our parents are by our side.
Parents will eventually withdraw from our world, many things need to be done by ourselves, many roads need to be walked by ourselves, and the taste of life needs to be tasted by ourselves.
After the child left, the mother was still in the same place for a long time and refused to leave, waiting for the moment the child turned around to tell her that you can do better, the outside world does not have to be afraid, you can! But the smile could not hide the loneliness and worry on his face.
Even if we don't give up, we all know that independence is a compulsory course for children's lives!
Separation is the norm in parent-child relationships;
Letting go is the unspeakable love of parents.
There is a line in the Korean drama "Please Answer 1988" that says: "Because God can't guard everyone, so he created a mother." ”
However, this guardianship has a time limit. Parents and children, from the moment they meet, are destined to be separated.
A psychologist said that all love in this world has the ultimate goal of aggregation, and only one kind of love has the purpose of separation, and that is the love of parents for their children.
Since birth, the child has begun a journey of constant separation from his parents, the first time to go to kindergarten, the first time to go out shopping, the first time to go to school, the first time not to come home for the holidays...
The true successful love of parents is to separate the child from your life as an independent individual as soon as possible, and the sooner this separation, the more successful you are and the more successful the child is.
Ai Fukuhara is the Japanese who has gained the highest favorability in China, and whether it is competitions, marriage and children, it has become a hot search topic on Weibo.
He was introduced to table tennis at the age of 4 and won his first championship at the age of 6, and since then, Ai Fukuhara has sung all the way on the road to the championship. While people marvel at her achievements, they admire her education even more: know how to score inches and quit at the right time.
Her mother practiced with her every day, and when she was close to the game, she told her: Don't cry, even if you lose, don't cry, try it. It is this kind of teaching that no matter how strong an opponent is encountered, Ai Fukuhara never wants to give up.
In order to improve her skills, she began a training path to Come to China alone, changing from being arranged by her mother to letting go completely. Fukuhara Love, who left her mother, became stronger and stronger, and constantly surpassed herself in competition after game.
Her mother taught Fukuhara Ai to be optimistic, positive, and not afraid of difficulties, and let her prove herself better by letting go at the right time. Wordless love taught Fukuhara to better integrate into the new exotic environment, and also made her feel more unknown and infinite possibilities.
"Forcing" children to learn to be independent,
It is the child's confidence in facing life
Independence is the greatest soft power for children to grow. Ibsen said, "The strongest man in the world is an independent man." ”
When the little cheetah grows up, the mother cheetah will find another place to live not far from it; the mother fox will drive the little fox out of the nest when it grows up, forcing it to start living independently.
When the eagle mother is just able to crawl, she pushes the eagle off the cliff and forces it to learn to fly; the special cruelty of the parents is the special love for the child. This is true for animals, and it is even more true for humans.
"Children Who Can Cook Can Survive Wherever They Go" tells a special story - there is a very special mother who raised an alternative child, but unexpectedly touched 5 million people.
Her mother, Chie, had breast cancer and was diagnosed with a two-month pregnancy, and once she decided to continue her pregnancy, Chie was likely to lead to a recurrence of breast cancer. After some struggle, it was decided to give birth to this child, Ah Hua. After that, in the process of fighting death, her daughter became her greatest motivation.
If you are going to leave this world soon, what about the daughter you leave behind?
Qianhui made a very special decision: before she left, she taught the child what life was.
Under the guidance of her mother, Ah Hua, who did not speak completely, gradually learned to dry clothes, fold clothes, brush the bathtub, place shoes, clean...
Although she was very worried when teaching her children to cook, Qianhui resisted the urge to reach out and snatch the knife away, and under her patient instruction, her daughter, who had just turned 5 years old, began to slowly learn how to make the simplest bowl of soup.
Despite being so young, this naïve girl was unexpectedly mature.
After her mother left, Ah Hua cooked for her sad father, cleaned up the house, and became the spiritual pillar of her father.
Mr. Tao Xingzhi, a famous educator, once said: Life is education.
What parents can do may be to stand in front of society before their children grow up rapidly, tell them how to live independently and well, and then watch their children drift away at the moment of separation.
Children with strong independence
Know how to be grateful and willing to give
Lythcott-Haims believes that children who do housework from an early age will be better able to work with colleagues and empathize more in the future because they understand the difficulties of doing it themselves. In addition, they can complete tasks independently.
This summer, I was warmed up by a boy named Sun Bohan.
On the first day of summer vacation, ten-year-old Sun Bohan wrote about studying, making breakfast for the family, and doing various housework in his plan.
According to the plan, in addition to buying vegetables, washing vegetables, stir-frying vegetables, and being responsible for the family's dinner, he also has the task of dismantling and washing electric fans.
According to the boy's mother, the first time the child cooked because she was sick, the child volunteered to make a cabbage stir-fried steamed bun for her to eat.
After receiving praise from his mother, his interest in cooking has increased greatly, and he has now cooked nearly 20 dishes. Under his influence, his sister also began to learn to do housework.
In front of the camera, Sun Bohan said that he would cook on weekends and let his parents take a break. In the summer, he has more spare time, he will "practice cooking" as much as possible, take care of his sister, and share the worries of his parents.
Life is so independent, Sun Bohan has never let adults worry about his studies. Academic performance has always been at the top of the class. Cerebellum melon is particularly flexible, confident and sunny, and willing to help classmates, the school bag is always neatly packed, and the independence ability is particularly strong.
Independence is the greatest blessing for parents and the greatest confidence for children. Children who are independent as early as possible not only have the ability to take care of themselves early, but also can take care of others, but also be able to be emotional, realize the difficulty of their parents, spread their love in later life, and harvest different happiness.
Early independence helps
Develop children's ability to think independently
Psychologists have found that children with poor independence and strong sense of dependence will not have a big job, because they do not have the ability to be independent! Independence in life can stimulate independence of thought, and children can grow up to become a person with opinions and depth of thought.
Schopenhauer once said in His Thought Essays: "Only independent thinking is the true soul of a person." The thoughts of others are like the scraps of someone else's table, like the clothes of strange guests. Only independent thinking can truly have an independent small universe. ”
If a child has the ability to think independently, has his own understanding and opinions, in order to truly take the initiative to learn, take the initiative to undertake, and take the initiative to explore, the insight into things will be more profound and unique, rather than falling into the situation of being in the clouds.
But as a parent, how can you raise a truly independent child?
True independence is when a child is in control of his or her own life even if he or she leaves his parents– he or she can make the right decisions on his own and take responsibility for his actions.
What is the most important thing a parent can do to make a child independent?
Answer: Give your child autonomy. Let him know that he has the ability to control his own life, and in such an environment, the child can become independent, confident and responsible. On some non-principled issues, follow your child's decisions. Let him have the final say, have a sense of control, and naturally be willing to take on more things.
In addition, children need to be given more opportunities to exercise, such as individual activities, communicating with strangers, asking for help, and completing homework on their own. Even if there are difficulties, they should be encouraged to do it, because only after children complete things with certain difficulties, their sense of achievement will increase, they will be more willing to face difficulties and challenges, and their self-confidence will become stronger and stronger.
Cultivating independence also requires helping children establish a sense of rules and let them learn to respect the boundaries between people. Letting children understand and respect the rules from an early age is very helpful for his later life.
When watching "Where Daddy Goes", there was a scene where Hum thought the little puff was cute and secretly kissed it.
But Du Jiang quickly pulled away and squatted down on the spot to educate his son: Your relatives' family, you have to ask for the consent of others to know? Subsequently, he took the initiative to confess to Liu Qihong and apologized in front of the two children.
Before going to bed at night, Du Jiang mentioned the matter solemnly, once again emphasizing the principle: you are not wrong to express your feelings, but you must respect the feelings of others, especially when the other party is a girl.
To cultivate children's independence, parents can also show weakness.
Huo Siyan once revealed in the show that her parenting experience is to --- show weakness. She will deliberately soften in front of the child, spoil herself, tell the child that she can't do it, and Hum will help her. Go to the mall and let Hum help her get things, and after washing her feet, she will let Hum wipe her feet. Pretending to be delicate can easily capture his son and willingly serve himself.
For children, when what they do has been recognized and praised by their parents, the child's heart will have a sense of accomplishment and feel that he is great, so that the child will have the desire to continue to do things.
The stronger the mother, the weaker the child, the more the mother will only make the child weaker, the child will naturally do a little more, bear more, especially the boy, he will realize that he has the ability to protect the weak.
Asking children to do what they can is also a way to cultivate independence. Whether it is doing housework or participating in community public welfare activities, children can have a feeling of being needed, more aware of their own value, and obtain psychological joy, which is very good for children's growth.
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▍Source: Ding Yue read the public account, if invaded and deleted.