The back-to-school season is a special day for children. They need to work hard to tune themselves into new environments and changes. At the same time, children spend less time with their parents. Many parents complained to me that their children resisted kindergarten, and they were too busy to know how to give their children effective guidance.
In fact, if you want to effectively guide your child, you don't need so much time to keep an eye on your child, and the time period when you pick up your child to and from school can be an efficient parent-child communication opportunity.
01
A mother in the background of WeChat said:
My son is almost 5 years old, in kindergarten, and has only been in school for less than half a month. I got sick once last week, and I didn't want to go to kindergarten as a result. Today I was forced to go again, and I couldn't help but get angry when I saw the way he rubbed.
When I picked up the child yesterday, the teacher also reflected that when the child drew, he cried at once. The teacher asked and did not say. I went to pick him up later, and on the way home I didn't tell me how to ask.
I really don't know how to communicate with this child!
Later, I asked the mother, "Have you talked carefully with your child's teacher?" ”
Mother: "I asked the child about the situation in the kindergarten, but the teacher couldn't figure out why the child was." ”
I asked, "So when you pick up your child to kindergarten, how do you communicate with your child, and what exactly do you say?" ”
Mom said: "On the way to school, I usually tell him to listen to the teacher, not to fight with classmates, to take a nap, etc., and when he comes back, I will ask him about his performance in school, such as whether he slept in the afternoon, who the teacher praised, what he ate at noon, and so on." I will also reason with him, telling him that he must obey the teacher to like..."
From these communications of the mother, you can imagine the pressure of the child. Mom used the phrases: "You have to want it", "You only have... only". The conversation focused on what the child should do.
This kind of communication can easily make children think that there are many restrictions in kindergarten, far less free than at home, and it is too difficult to complete so many requirements.
Further understanding learned that the child moved with the parents' work, went to the new city, and changed to a new kindergarten. In the new school, the teachers sometimes spoke in dialect and were not familiar with their classmates. This is a big challenge for children.
However, the mother neglected to communicate with the teacher about the child's specific situation, such as the mother mentioned that the child suddenly cried when she drew, in fact, he could not understand what the teacher was saying at that time.
Children have limited language skills, and inner helplessness cannot be expressed. In the eyes of the teacher, he only thinks that the child is too introverted, or that there is an inexplicable problem with the emotions.
The mother's incessant questioning when she comes home from school and the toughness when she sends her to kindergarten have aggravated the child's resistance to the kindergarten.
As for the mother wondering "even the teacher can't figure out the child's condition", it is actually understandable.
Kindergarten teachers can't figure out that the child's condition is normal, and the most important thing to figure out is the parents themselves -
On the one hand, parents need to keep abreast of their children's situation from their teachers;
At the same time, it is also necessary for parents to report some special situations of their children to the teacher in a timely manner.
The most important thing is to maintain smooth communication with your child.
As I said before, when we go to kindergarten, parents are still the protagonists of children's education, and we must not only continue the previous thoughts on children, but even more, and support children's kindergarten life with a harmonious and strong parent-child relationship.
From this point of view, if you want to maintain effective communication with children entering kindergarten, parents need to grasp a communication tone: to ensure a harmonious parent-child relationship and create a happy communication atmosphere.
If parents are always urging, negative cues, etc., it will aggravate the child's resistance and discomfort.
So, how to achieve easy, happy and effective communication when picking up and dropping off children?
02
What to say on the way to school?
◇ 1. The general principle is to speak positive, concrete, and affirmative language
Like what:
"The baby was able to eat by himself in the kindergarten yesterday, which is particularly good, and it must be ok today."
"Teachers and children like you very much, and if you can not hit people, people will prefer to play with you."
"Baby, mom will definitely pick you up when school is out (first)."
……
◇2. Do not speak commanding, negative, or threatening language
"You have to listen to the teacher, study hard, and don't fight with the children."
"If you don't obey, your mother won't come and pick you up!"
"How come you've been so ignorant!" This is no longer allowed in kindergartens! ”
◇3. If the child has resistance to the kindergarten, low emotional state or anxiety, the mother can also talk to the child about other topics of interest first
Talk to your child about where you want to go on the weekends; what you want to eat at night; interesting things to see on the side of the road. In particular, you can talk more about the new things you see on the side of the road.
This kind of relaxed and happy topic will divert children's attention, alleviate children's anxiety, and improve their good feelings for kindergartens.
◇ 4. The way to school is often relatively hurried, there is not much content that can be communicated with the child, the mother should be concise in language, do not nag, and do not make too many requirements for the child
Of course, if you are not assured, you are afraid that your child will not adapt to kindergarten, such as going to the toilet or not eating enough to say, not knowing how to ask for help when you need help, etc., which requires parents to take time to do homework.
For example, with the help of picture books "Hello, Kindergarten", role play, etc., children are encouraged to express themselves bravely.
◇ 5. The teacher will generally be very busy, but if you can, after the child is sent to school, briefly reflect the child's state today with the teacher
You can say in front of the teacher in front of the child where the child is improving today compared to yesterday.
03
What to say on the way out of school?
◇1. Speak encouraging, affirmative, positive language
"Baby didn't wet his pants all day today, like a big kid!"
"The nursery rhymes that the baby has learned these days are particularly good~"
"Baby, what's the fun in kindergarten today?" (Immediately followed by sharing the child's feelings and emotions, giving acceptance and empathy)
◇2. Do not speak negative, negative, or critical language
"Did the teacher hit you?" Did your classmates bully you? ”
"Didn't you take a nap again today?" Did you have a good meal today? ”
"You can't even know the nursery rhymes taught by the teacher today, it's stupid enough!"
"Are you disobedient/disobedient again?"
On this point, I would like to emphasize one point in particular: trust your child.
Share a case like this:
Mothers report that their children are not confident, love to go to school, and answer questions vaguely and seemingly uncertain.
Later I learned a detail. Every time the mother picked up her child on her way home from school, she would ask her child how he was doing for the day.
When the child says: The teacher praised me today and so on.
Moms habitually ask: Is it?
The child hesitated at once and responded to his mother: Ah.
I asked the mother, "Why are you asking your child a second time?" ”
She told me: "Sometimes just to confirm, I just feel that he is not firm. ”
It is this habitual response of the mother that gives the child a strong hint: "I may not be so good." ”
Mothers doubt their children again and again, so that children can not experience happy, positive emotions, but there is an inexplicable panic, resulting in children do not like to go to kindergarten, and show lack of confidence, procrastination and other behavioral problems.
◇3. Find more specific topics that children are easy to answer, and focus on the details of children's kindergarten life
1) Talk about the environment, equipment, toys, games, etc. in the kindergarten.
Parents need to actively observe what's new in kindergarten, or get information by communicating with teachers, for example, baby, I found a new work in your handmade corner...
2) Talk about the child's eating, drinking, and playing.
It is recommended to use the "guessing" method to open the topic and use more positive words to describe the content. Such as: Let your mother guess, you took the initiative to go to the toilet today, right? Let me guess, you played with a nice toy today, right?
3) Talk about your child's friends, new friends you have made, etc.
For example: Baby, I found that there is a child who seems to like you very much, he took the initiative to come and hold hands with you, what is his name?
◇4. Ask less broad questions
"What did you do in kindergarten today?"
"What did you eat today?"
"What did your teachers teach?"
If the question is too broad, the child will shake his head most of the time, and the parents will not be able to communicate effectively with the child.
◇5. If the teacher has time, you can talk to the teacher about the child's performance throughout the day
But at this time, it is best to avoid the child, so as not to let the child hear some negative information.
◇ 6. There is plenty of time on the way out of school, if there is a condition, mother and child may wish to walk home, do not be too hurried
When picking up and dropping off children, slowly walk in the boulevard with your children, discover interesting things around you, accompany your children to watch ants move, dragonflies fly low... Such leisure time is particularly hard-won, especially in the current busy and tense rhythm of life.
In this process of relaxation, it is recommended to have more physical contact with the child, such as kissing, hugging, etc. Know that communication is not limited to talking.
For children, this kind of physical communication is a more important way of communication. Every intimate action. They are all saying to their children: I love you.
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