1, let the child live out of himself, he may surpass you!
If parents have designed their children's life path, they can be sure that their children's achievements are unlikely to surpass their parents. Even if he finally achieves the outcome his parents want, he can't be happy. Because he doesn't live his own life, he lives only your life.
2. Have you ever done the "fusion" of children?
Many parents unconsciously, will do the "fusion" of the child -- completely cover their own emotional world on the child, resulting in the child has no emotional world, mood and sorrow are subordinate to the emotional fluctuations of the parents. A "aware" mother, on the other hand, leaves room for her child. For example, a conscious mother, when in conflict with her husband, she has the ability to tell her child: Although the mother is very angry with the father, but that is my business, you can still love him, the mother is very sad now, but you can go to play.
3, coddling is an attitude, has nothing to do with rich and poor
The so-called coddling is that when the child puts forward the need, the parents are worried, angry or sad, but they still meet the needs of the child. A spoiled child often only cares about his own feelings, but cannot empathize with the other party's feelings, so he is accustomed to pushing all faults on others - blame parents, blame teachers, blame classmates, blame society, blame luck, and complain about others.
4, boys and girls, the influence of parents is different
A woman's kindness and tenderness depend on the inner feminine energy, which is mainly learned from the mother; a man's creativity and earning power depend on the inner masculine energy, and the father is an important transmitter. If the son lacks connection with the father and lacks identification with the father in his heart, then he will not be successful in his career; if the daughter grows up in a family of "strong mothers", she may treat her husband the same way in the future.
5. Why do children lie?
In the traditional view, lying is almost synonymous with bad learning. Children lie, and parents tend to get angry and worried. However, can you see the fear in your child when he lies, and can you empathize with the sadness he feels when he is not satisfied? Lying is a child's overly manipulative counter-manipulation of his parents. What child is born to lie? In fact, behind every child who loves to lie, there stands a parent with a very low degree of permission, the left one does not agree, and the right one does not allow it. It is in the process of interacting with parents again and again that children gradually come to a realization that frankly expressing needs or telling the truth will definitely be "unlucky". So as long as the parents allow and listen more, the child will slowly stop lying.
6. Where did I come from?
Children will ask their parents the question, "Where did I come from?" Many parents will reply, "You picked it up on the side of the road," "You came from outside." Even if it is a biological child, if the parents often pass on such a message, it will cause inner confusion to the child and damage the child's sense of self-worth. You know, the "identity issue" is not a joke.
7. Parents fight, children give up
The parents fight endlessly, and the child will be very afraid and afraid on the one hand, and on the other hand, he will be confused - he does not know who to help? Which party is right to help? Similar questions will continue to haunt and torment the child. Once such phenomena are irreconcilable, the child is likely to try to reconcile the parents by being sick, self-harming, depraved, or even dead.
8. What should I do if my child is unwilling to communicate with his parents?
As they get older, some children have nothing to say to their parents and even refuse to communicate. In fact, in the process of interacting with children, if parents can truly present the so-called "vulnerable" parts to their children, such as your helplessness, your sadness, your pain... Instead of turning these feelings into "anger" to blame the child, the child's heart door will gradually open for you again. For example, if a child comes home late one day, many parents will be angry with their children, in fact, behind the anger, often hidden is their own concern for their children. Unfortunately, few parents are able to express their worries and anxieties to their children, and more are scolding and threatening. However, the communication between parents and children is often hard in exchange for indifference, and weakness is better than strength.
9. Will you make your child feel that "you are not important"?
When the child came to play with the mother, the mother said, "I am doing housework, and I am busy now"; when the child receives the award at school and wants to surprise the father, the father is out for socializing... These behaviors are nothing more than sending a "unimportant" message to the child – you are not as important as my job, you are not as important as my business, you are not as important as my friends, you are not as important as me doing beauty, you are not as important as me dancing, you are not as important as me buying clothes, you are not as important as my ** important. You, it doesn't matter. A child who thinks he is not important may grow up without the ability to fight for what he loves, and he is not used to expressing his opinions in public, thus losing the opportunity to become an important person.
10, another perspective on the adolescent "rebellion"
Whenever I see a "very obedient and well-behaved" child, I am a little worried. Because I know that such a child may do very "rebellious" things in the future. When a person reaches the age of 12 or so, his inner instinct will be vaguely aware - I grow up, I can live without my parents, and there will be an impulse within him to encourage him to live out himself again, to live out the repressed aspects of his life, and the more fiercely he is suppressed at an early age, the greater the resistance energy he erupts. There is also a possibility that the child's energy has been completely suppressed, he will not even rebel, the whole person will become more inward, the sense of powerlessness is very strong.
11, words are not as good as teaching by example
Many times we think that what is said to the child, the child will remember something, but when language and behavior contradict each other, the behavior itself will have a greater impact on the child, and the so-called words are not as good as teaching by example. For example, if a father tells his child every day to "honor his parents", but he is "arrogant and commanding" to his parents, what will the child think? When he grows up, he also learns to command you. And a parent who respects his parents, even if he has never told his child about "gratitude education", when he grows up, his child will naturally be filial piety.
12, please join the child and appreciate his current achievements
The child scored 95 points, and the mother said, "95 points is good, and if you want 5 points, you will be 100 points, so try harder!" Many people are hypnotized by this sentence "to work harder", to hypnotize a lifetime can not stop, never have the ability to enjoy the happiness of the moment, ignore the joy of the moment, their whole life is the future, the future, or the future. We are not saying not to work hard, but to let the child learn to enjoy every moment of life, and to move forward confidently at his own pace in happiness. Please enjoy it with him, to appreciate the achievements and joys he has achieved in the present moment. Such a child can live a calm, elegant and balanced life; such a child is the child who really reassures you about his future.
13. Public humiliation and corporal punishment are the source of suicide
When we were young, when we wrote essays, when describing a person being publicly humiliated, we often used such words to describe, "I would like to find a seam to drill down." This description is very interesting, that is, when a child is humiliated in public, his body cannot escape, he can only subconsciously choose to let his consciousness escape, simply put, at that moment his body is still there, but his heart is in a state of escape or shock, when he is like a walking corpse. When he is insulted more often, over time, the seeds of suicide will be planted in his heart.
14. Four golden words of parent-child education
Respect but not indulge, care without interfering, share without teaching, invite without demanding.