Parent-child education psychological counseling: what should I do if my child is willful, has all kinds of unreasonable demands, and makes trouble if he is not satisfied?

In life, we can often see children lying on the ground splashing and rolling, and parents standing aside with their hands on their hips, scolding their children.

At this time, you don't have to think about it to know what this child must want to do and then after being rejected by his parents fiercely, he is losing his temper.

When our needs are severely rejected by our parents, we will inevitably be angry and aggrieved, so we express it in a crying way;

In the face of such a situation, parents are actually very tired, and the child's crying is annoying, but they can't indulge the child unprincipledly, and they are entangled and helpless in their hearts.

It is true that parents do not have to meet all the requirements of their children, some are unable and some are unable to do so.

At this time, rejecting the child is what the parents have to do, and for the child, being rejected can hurt no matter what.

Therefore, how to say "no" to children has become a headache for parents.

What is the difference between parents who often have to deal with the situation described above, while others who can make their children accept "rejection" well?

When summer arrives, people always want to eat something cool. Ice cream is an irresistible temptation for children, and Zhuang Zhuang will always make a noise to eat it at this time.

Zhuangzhuang's mother will also give him an occasional stick, but after all, she is afraid that it will be bad for the child's stomach, so she will always strictly control it.

At this time, the thing that gave Zhuang Zhuang's mother a headache came, Zhuang Zhuang, who had tasted the taste of ice cream, would never forget it, and would always pester his mother to eat, but of course his mother refused sternly, saying, "No! Eating too much ice cream is not good for the stomach, you only ate one two days ago, and now you are not allowed to eat it!"

Of course, Zhuang Zhuang, who was directly rejected by his mother, felt unhappy, so he began to lose his temper, crying and making trouble, Zhuang Zhuang's mother was impatient, but she didn't want to give Zhuang Zhuang food, it was really a headache and helpless.

And this kind of farce has to be staged three or four times a week, which makes the strong mother really tired.

I believe that many parents will encounter such small things, and they are not a big problem, but they always have to make children cry because of these small things, and parents are tired.

The child's temper seems to be getting bigger and bigger, and the parents are becoming more and more unbearable.

And the formation of such a situation, in addition to the influence of the child's own personality, is actually related to the way the parents refuse.

Like a strong mother, directly responding to their children's requests with "no" and "no" is the way that many parents will choose.

As everyone knows, this method often provokes a more violent emotional response in children.

The fact that "rejection" itself can cause both adults and children to feel hurt.

Mature adults will adjust their emotions by themselves, but for children who are still immature, they will not control their emotions like adults, so they use "crying" more to express directly.

At this time, in the eyes of adults, the child is making trouble unreasonably, so he will reject the child more severely, and even feel very angry, and fight violence against the child's "tricks".

In the eyes of adults, it is education, but in the hearts of children, he feels that his parents not only reject his own requirements, but also reject his emotions, and even feel that his parents are rejecting him.

When parents express prohibition or rejection with a severity that may be full of anger, it will cause the child to have excessive fear and anxiety about rejection and rejection, and cause the child to stop exploring creatively in the outside world because of avoiding rejection.

Educating children in this way for a long time is also not conducive to the formation of a healthy character in children:

Some children will feel that they are unworthy, not good enough, and unworthy in rejection, forming an inner lack of personality;

Some children imitate the way their parents express their emotions, become grumpy, and grow up to treat others in the same way.

Too harsh refusal, the child is hurt, and the parents are also broken.

So, how do you effectively and non-hostile reject a child?

First of all, parents should be aware of their emotions.

The child's crying, in addition to making us feel helpless, also produces other emotions.

Some authoritative parents may have a great deal of anger at their child's crying, and they will think, "How can you not listen to me?

And some parents with low self-esteem will feel that they are not capable of disciplining their children well, and they will feel helpless.

And these are actually our own emotions, not children, and should not be borne by children.

We should avoid projecting our emotions onto our children, deal with our emotions first, and then accept our children's emotions.

Secondly, when communicating rejection to children, we can pay attention to our language expressions.

Try to avoid using imperative words such as "no, no, you have to ......", which can make the child feel that he or she is being ordered and that the parent is like a superior, blunt and unapproachable.

And instead of telling your child what to do, let your child know what can be done.

Finally, we all know that rejection is not a pleasant thing, and children will naturally have some emotions after being rejected.

At this time, what parents should do is to firmly reject the child at the same time, but also hold the child and comfort him. Such a refusal is resolute and not hostile.

For example, if you don't have the energy to play with your child after work today, but your child still pulls you to build blocks together, then we can gently and firmly say to your child, "Mom also wants to play with you, but Mom is very tired today and needs to take a break".

Your child may feel unhappy, lost, or haunted by you again, but we can continue to gently but firmly tell him, "Playing with you is something that mom is looking forward to, just because mom really needs to rest now, and she really can't play with you." ”

At this time, the child is actually clear about his mother's refusal, and he also knows that there is a reason for his mother's refusal, and in most cases he will give up the entanglement and play by himself or find someone else to play.

And if the mother is very impatient to say to the child at the beginning, "Mom is already very tired from work, and she wants to make money to support her family, how can she have the energy to play with you, and it would be good to play by herself!"

This will make the child feel that the mother values work more, and he is not important, and he is not worth the mother's energy to spend with him, so he will be sad and angry, and choose to cry and make a fuss.

"Resoluteness without hostility, affection without temptation. ”

When saying "no" to your child, make sure that it is the behavior that is being refused, not the child himself.

Parents can reject their children's unreasonable needs, but they must accept their children's emotions as a result, and such refusal is of educational significance.

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