Recently, there is a video circulating on the Internet: Long Long's mother received the English test score sheet sent by the teacher, and when she opened and checked it with expectation, she did not find the results of her son Long Long.
Worried that she did not see clearly, Long Long's mother immediately asked Long Long's father to confirm it, and it turned out that there was indeed no result. Puzzled, the couple decided to send a message to the English teacher first to ask about the situation.
Soon, the English teacher explained the reason - in the teacher's view, the difficulty of the exam paper was high, and the test scores of the classmates were generally low, but the dragon dragon with ordinary grades got almost full marks, which was very unreasonable.
Therefore, the teacher suspected that Long Long should have obtained the answer to the test paper in advance and got such a score by cheating, so he canceled Long Long's score.
After listening to the teacher's description, the couple also roughly knew the origin of the matter, but for whether Long Long had cheated in the end, the two had no bottom in their hearts. But in recent times, Long Long is really fighting, and it is possible that the results have made great progress, as a parent, you can't wrongfully accuse your children without clarifying the facts, and you must stand by your children's side.
After some deliberation, the couple decided that when Long Long returned home from school, they would first ask about the matter clearly and then decide on a solution.
After Long Long returned home from school, the couple immediately approached Long Long to inquire about the exam. Unexpectedly, Long Long was full of confidence: "My table is not as good as my grades, who did I copy?" I did it all myself. ”
Hearing their son answer this way, the couple was relieved, in order to ensure that nothing was wrong, Long Long's father found the exam questions, covered the answer with his hand, and let Long Long answer in turn.
As a result, even multiple questions were successfully answered, and the situation of cheating on the exam was basically ruled out.
After determining that the son had not cheated, the couple began to discuss how to explain the matter to the teacher, not only to return the innocence of the dragon, but also not to hurt the teacher's face.
After much deliberation, Long Long's father called the teacher: "Hello! Teacher, disturb you, I just let Long Long do another test question, he also answered correctly, it is indeed his own real score. On the weekends, he has been working hard to learn, which is the result of his hard work. After the explanation, the teacher realized that it was his own negligence that caused the misunderstanding of Long Long, and it was indeed his own fault, and said that he would correct Long Long's score in time.
Children who are trusted by their parents are the richest and luckiest
In the face of the teacher's misunderstanding of the child, they can choose to understand the origin of the matter first, and then come up with a suitable solution, neither to damage the child's self-esteem and self-confidence, nor to quarrel with the teacher, embarrass the teacher, which can be described as a textbook solution.
It was fortunate that Long Long met his parents who trusted him so much, but not every child was so lucky.
A survey conducted by the China Youth Research Center found that among the 10 parental practices that children like the most, the first is: "Trust me." It is no exaggeration to say that being believed, affirmed, and accepted is a "just need" in human nature, no less important than food and air.
Regardless of whether the living conditions are good or bad, whether they are admitted to prestigious schools or not, children who are firmly believed by their parents are the richest and happiest. There are many parents in this world who love their children, but there are very few parents who trust their children unconditionally.
The child is sick: want to skip the school clothes.
The money in the family was missing: it was the child who took it.
Something was lost: the child got it.
Children are at home alone, but also have to install cameras for fear that children will be lazy and not write homework.
Too many people's childhoods are hurt by the distrust of their parents, and too many people do not care about wronging their children.
Knowingly, there are dozens of questions about parents not trusting their children, and countless children are wondering why parents do not trust themselves.
Among them, this answer is heartfelt: "Because in the eyes of many parents, it is better to kill by mistake than to let go, compared to children lying to steal money and skipping class, the cost of misunderstanding is too small." ”
If you think about it, many parents do have such a mentality.
Especially when it comes to some moral misunderstandings, such as stealing things, plagiarism and the like, parents immediately raise their vigilance, and before they ask carefully, they rush to teach a lesson and turn a deaf ear to the child's explanation. If it is finally found that it is a misunderstanding of the child, there will be no apology, no explanation, as if nothing happened. "Well, children, forgetfulness is big, and they will forget after a while."
But is that really the case?
I once saw such a news that a fourteen-year-old girl jumped from the 5th floor after being suspected by her parents of stealing change from her family's small shop. In the suicide note she left behind, the girl defended herself in grievances and did not steal the money from the family's small shop. "Mommy and Daddy, why don't you believe me, I didn't steal, I hate why you don't chase me down."
A suicide note of less than 200 words, but the words poke the heart.
Some parents may feel a little aggrieved, and they don't trust their children because their children have said too much panic.
Everyone makes mistakes, and the reason why there are parents in this world is to give every child the opportunity to continue to grow. Outsiders can deny a child the whole thing because of a mistake, but parents can't.
Parents who do not trust their children also do not get the trust of their children
Parents are the first people the child comes into contact with, and they are also the people the child trusts the most. If a parent betrays the trust of his or her child, it is undoubtedly a catastrophic injury for the child.
I have seen a news before that Zhou Yi, an Internet addicted teenager, was sent by his parents to an Internet addiction school, where he was tortured inhumanly, was shocked by electric shocks, beaten with steel bars, and was beaten by anti-fall and so on. Unable to bear it, he repeatedly sent distress signals to his parents, but their reaction was not to believe what he said, but to let him endure it again. In the end, in great despair and fear, he chose to swallow laundry detergent and commit suicide, hoping to meet his parents.
After being discharged from the hospital, Zhou's mother took her son home, but Zhou Yi's personality became more withdrawn and nervous, especially for his parents, Zhou Yi was extremely distrustful. Sometimes Zhou Mu took him out on a tour to relax, and he would tell the psychology teacher: "I found that my mother has an abnormality, I send you a video, you help me to call the police." "There is also on the road to see the mother driving in the wrong direction, I thought I was going to be twisted to go to the Internet addiction school, and before the car stopped, he directly opened the door and jumped out of the car and ran away.
If the child was only a little bored with school and rebellious in the past, now he has completely separated from his parents, and this insecurity in the child's heart will accompany him for a lifetime.
Parental distrust, like the poison of blindly making children "lose their voices", closes the door to the sunshine in the child's spiritual world.
Some people ask: What causes children to no longer be willing to communicate with their parents in the process of growing up? One of the high-ranking people replied: lose trust.
When the child thinks that his parents are not worthy of dependence and trust, he will be disappointed in the world, so if he encounters the malice of the world, he would rather choose to bear it alone, or even leave this world, than bear the secondary harm from the parents.
Trust is mutual, you don't trust me, and I have a hard time trusting you.
Without the trust of their parents, children are not willing to communicate with their parents, and even if they are hurt outside, they will silently endure and are unwilling to ask for help. Distrust is like a secret wound for the child, and the more times it is, the deeper the wound.
From today on, be a parent who believes in their children
The educator Sukhomlinsky once said: "Young friends, please love the delicate flower of children's trust in you as you love the most precious treasure." It is easily destroyed, dried up, and destroyed to death by the poison of distrust. ”
The trust of a child is precious and needs to be cared for with heart. And to truly trust your children unconditionally, it is not difficult at all:
Letting go properly is the best trust in the child
I once watched a video where a 2-year-old cute baby can skillfully roll out noodles, make dumplings, make flower rolls, and various pasta dishes. The secret is that the mother dares to let go and let the child toss and turn.
There is a saying that the more parents do not let go, the more the child can not do anything well, the more the parents do not believe, the more the child is not living well.
Let go moderately, give him a little more trust, and the child will grow up to be what you like.
Encouragement is the best way to express trust
The famous "Rosenthal Effect" in psychology shows that parents trust their children, children receive positive feedback, and life can move in a positive direction.
Others praise the child in person, parents should also give a positive evaluation, the child is willing to repeat good behavior, the formation of good habits, and good self-evaluation, but also more confident.
Listen attentively to your child's heart
Only when parents are good at listening to their children's inner words and knowing what their children are thinking can they understand the truth in a targeted manner. Children feel the trust of their parents, they will be more willing to communicate with their parents, and future parent-child communication will become easier.
The trust of parents is the confidence of children to move forward. I think of a line from "The Story of McDougal" that can be read to our children:
"People all over the world don't love you, I only love you;
The people of the whole world do not believe in you, and I only believe in you;
I love you in my heart and liver. ”
Remember that even if all the people in the world look down on our child, parents should appreciate him with tears in their eyes, praise him, and be proud of their creation of life.
Childhood is trusted and recognized, and is the best gift a parent can give to their children.
Children who are nourished by trust have light in their eyes, heaven and earth in their hearts, and smooth roads under their feet, and they will explore their own world with the kindness of their parents until they reach the other side of success.
Source: Capital Education
Image source: DE Future Bootcamp, Network
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